Hey Arnold! Season 6: The Mitigators
by Cre8ivelybankrupt87
Summary: It's the first Monday of June, and some students are unhappy that Arnold's class passed on the traditional Trash Can Day last year. A merciless team of sixth graders seek to bring back the tradition and abuse both the fifth and fourth graders to restore the social hierarchy the school once adhered to. Arnold and his friends must band together to end the senseless cycle of violence.
1. Abhorrent Alliance

_**This one has been a long time planned. I mean, not nearly as long as the MCU, but the pieces took a while to come up with and fit together since this story involves a huge ensemble cast.**_

_**As with many other stories in my imagining of Hey Arnold! season 6, this one is a retread- I mean, uh… spiritual successor to a classic episode. That episode in question is… Longest Monday… which is not among my favorites.**_

_** Well, okay, I actually do like it a lot despite the very dubious morality of it, with the older kids being portrayed as irredeemably one dimensional monsters and the bleak implication that the fourth graders will one day abuse the younger generation just to keep the tradition alive. Arnold and Gerald questioning whether they would stoop to Wolfgang's level when they got older did tease a sequel though…**_

_**Arnold's fifth grade year mostly passed us by off screen however, so let's see if their views have changed by the end of sixth grade. In my version of the universe, they went through fifth grade without celebrating Trash Can Day, and a year later some are not happy about that…**_

_**I had this random idea for the Hey Arnold! kids to form some kinda Avengers team to fight their bullies, and despite my only wanting to make this another standard little episode it ended up boasting an ensemble cast with a lot of development for each of them individually… so this is going to be several chapters longer than my usual form of HA! stories. **_

* * *

Chapter 1: Abhorrent Alliance

As Sunday afternoon gradually faded into evening, the setting sun marked the end of yet another weekend for the schoolchildren of Hillwood. More than the end of a weekend, today marked the beginning of the end of an era for many kids, who would now begin their final week of elementary school. The resulting feeling of excitement in the air overshadowed any fears or doubts the kids felt for what would come next, and the graduating class now found respite by banding together for a casual team competition in the vacant lot affectionately known as Gerald Field.

The lot had proven to be a popular destination not just amongst the sixth graders, but to many younger classes too. After waiting for a large group of fourth graders to finish their game, the sixth grade class at last took to the field that they had once cleaned out and transformed into a baseball and alternatively a football field two years ago. They were joined by a number of fifth graders as well, and soon paired off in a game of grade versus grade. In stark contrast to former class relations in years past, the rivalry between the fifth and sixth grade classes this year was a friendly one for the most part.

And yet, while most kids in the sixth grade were indifferent or even happy to play with the younger kids, some discontent had risen amongst a small but growing few. Discontent had festered into anger and loathing among an even smaller few, and now atop the rooftop of one of the buildings enclosing the field, one such sixth grade boy watched the kids playing below like a hawk eyeing its prey.

As he watched, his displeasure with his fellow classmates' willingness to fraternize with what he considered to be the enemy continually festered. He detested the younger kids, and his fellow classmates' willingness to tolerate them. He glared at them through glass covered eyes and scowled.

"Look at those saps." he hissed, "It's not bad enough they kowtow to the fourth graders who should be groveling at our feet, but they share our field with the fifth graders, profaning it with their presence. It just ain't right."

Suddenly a shadow covered the boy as a much larger boy hovered over him. The smaller boy looked up at the barrel chested muscle bound titan of a schoolboy who stood over him with his arms crossed. To most kids this gargantuan hulk of a sixth grader inspired fear and awe, and yet the small nerdy kid before him grinned when he saw him.

"Hiya boss," the boy bowed to his towering superior.

"What do I have to work with?" the large boy grunted, "Bunch of little butt wads by the looks of it."

The small boy grinned as the setting sunlight reflected from his circular glasses.

"Sure, most of 'em have become lambs before the slaughter, but some of 'em have the potential to become like their predecessors of old, see?"

He pointed at a blonde sixth grade girl below, who was bellowing in the face of a fifth grader and threatening him with her fist.

"Most of 'em devolved into pacifist suckers this year, but some of them still possess the sort of beastly nature, that when properly manipulated can be reigned in… and thus shall they act as the tools by which we shall craft the future, by breaking this world as it is-"

"You really love making these epic proclamations don't you, freak?" the larger boy cut him off.

"How can I not relish this? Look at them. Consorting with fifth and fourth graders like it's no big deal. They don't see how they've bargained away all their power… and squandered any respect from those little brats. Our class could have been so much more…"

The large boy huffed, "Not much more…"

"But they were led astray by a false prophet!"

The nerdy kid pointed down to the field below, where a boy of short stature with unruly blond hair was pacifying the feisty girl that had been threatening the fifth grader before.

"An insufferably mild mannered dope who somehow manages to sway the hearts of hundreds! Everyone thinks the sun just shines out of his butt… he's even believed by some cultures to be some demigod born of a volcanic eruption…"

"Huh?"

"That football headed fool, who twice foiled my revenge plots, continues to soak in underserved glory for turning our class into the heard of sheep they are today! These upstart fifth graders fill me with disgust… for neither they nor the fourth graders of today ever had to suffer through the beatings of mountainous upperclassmen just to maintain their hold over this field! They can never appreciate it as we did! This very field that by the blood sweat and tears of our class became what it was…"

The larger boy looked at his petite cohort with a skeptical scowl.

"I have the support of Gino's organization, but why does a shrimp like you want to bring back the old ways?" he asked, "A guy your size was… and still is a prime target."

"Listen I ain't never been one of them, see?" the small boy growled, "I've always been somewhat outcast among the rest of them. Time and time again I've been denied my dues… even my fair princess never returned my raging geyser of affection for her… like she was somehow immune to my incomparable charm. I've never attained the sort of respect from them I deserved. They all just think I'm overreactive… some even think I'm a little unhinged. But I'll show them all who's overreactive… they'll all be eating those words when they see me as the savior of PS118! Then I, not Arnold will be the one everyone remembers."

The hulking boy regarded the small boy with the outsized personality and grinned. He inhaled deeply and spoke.

"Tomorrow everything changes. Tomorrow those ungrateful little punks will repent with their blood sweat and tears… hey you're right… these epic proclamations do feel good."

"Care to laugh maniacally with me?" the small boy asked.

"Save it." the other said, "Tomorrow begins the longest Monday of their lives… then you can laugh all you want."

"So begins the new legacy of our sixth grade class… and all will remember my name…"

"Just don't forget who you're working for." the sinewy boy said, "We have the unique honor of restoring Wolfgang's vision…"

The two of them grinned devilishly at the lively throng below, eager for the coming day when their laughter would turn to cries of terror.

* * *

**DUN DUN DUN. I wanted to be just a little mysterious, though it should be fairly obvious who the evil nerdy kid is… but who's the other one? Ah, you can probably guess, but what evil scheme have they got brewing? Find out in the next chapter. **

**Favorite and review! Or Curly will be very unforgiving...**


	2. Choosing a Legacy

Chapter 2: Choosing a Legacy

Monday morning arrived as it tragically always had to, and ushered in another long five days of school for the schoolchildren of PS118. Despite this being Monday, the air was fraught with excitement as it signaled the last school week of the year. Many sixth graders were already living in the future, seemingly blissfully unaware they were even in school.

Then without warning the crackling voice of Principal Wartz sounded through the school PA system, and snapped them back to the present.

"Attention students of PS118, due to further budget cuts, serving sizes in the cafeteria will be limited to one per every other child. Also, if the owner of the tacks I found on my seat this morning would kindly report to the principal's office you may reclaim your property."

Sid, Stinky and Harold all grinned knowingly at one another from their desks. Helga meanwhile sat back in her chair resting her hands behind her head, while smiling smugly. She then turned her head back to where Arnold sat behind her who looked less amused.

"Aw man, I still can't get over the looks on those fifth graders' faces when we wiped the floor with them." Helga laughed, referring to the friendly game of baseball on Gerald Field the night before. Or rather what had started as a friendly game but slowly devolved into a massacre, with the older kids completely dominating the game, which had led to some friction between the classes.

"Come on, Helga." Arnold said, "Even if we beat them we don't have to demoralize them. We're all in this to have fun and just enjoy the spirit of team competition."

Arnold himself had given the game his all of course, but he now felt a certain discomfort with the way his fellow classmates had been running the field. They were nowhere near the oppressors that Wolfgang and the other bullying upperclassmen once had been, but Arnold still couldn't ignore his heavy heart.

Helga on the other hand smirked at his sentiment. She should have been used to his borderline annoying little morality speeches, but she just wasn't there yet.

"Hey, to the victors go the spoils, bucko." Helga said with a grin, "And part of those spoils? Exclusive gloating rights."

"But that just takes the fun out of it for the other side." Arnold said. "It's not just about our fun, we want everyone to-"

"Aw c'mon Arnold!" the outsized mouthed Harold bellowed from nearby, having heard their conversation, "They're fifth graders! Remember what the fifth graders used to do to us when we were in fourth grade? It's payback for what they did to us!"

Both Arnold and Helga gave Harold a half-lidid look.

"Harold… I don't care if you are sixteen, I'm still kind of amazed they're letting you graduate with us this year…" Helga said, but then she looked back at Arnold, "Still. Lard boy has a point of sorts. We're older. They're younger. We're bigger. They're smaller. It's the law of the jungle. The strong eat the weak."

"But it doesn't have to be that way." Arnold insisted, "We're sixth graders. It's our job to set a good example to the younger kids. It won't be long before we move on to junior high, and now's the time when we can decide what kind of legacy we want our class to leave. I want to leave this school a better place than it was when we came into it."

"Arnold?" Helga said sternly, "When you _crush_ your enemies, you make the world a better place."

"All right, Helga." Arnold sighed, "If you feel the need to have enemies I guess…"

"Now who's sucking the fun out of everything?" Helga asked, then she leaned in and whispered in his ear, "Oh Arnold… you're so cute when you get so self-righteously indignant…" She swooned quietly in his ear.

"Whatever you say Helga…"

Arnold sighed in resignation. At the very least June had at last come, meaning regardless of whatever legacy he intended to leave behind, they were now close to the end of the school year, and by extension they would soon be back at the bottom of the food chain in junior high school. He could only hope his fellow classmates could appreciate what was coming, and he hoped putting just a little goodwill out into the world would come back when they needed it.

After their first class, Helga paired up with Phoebe and joined Arnold and Gerald as they headed to their next class together. As they walked down the halls they couldn't help but notice unusual looks of fear they were getting from younger kids, who were all whispering amongst themselves as they passed. Similarly, they noticed several members of their own class could barely contain their excitement, with a certain buzz in the air as if something was working its way through the grapevine without their knowledge. For Gerald, one so normally in tune with the all the goings on in school, this felt a bit distressing.  
"Man, something is up." he said, "I can feel it… Arnold?"

"Yeah." Arnold nodded, "And it feels like we're the last ones to find out."

"Mm mm mm, something not right about me being among the last to know stuff…" Gerald said. "The street, and by extension the halls of this school are in my blood… we gotta find out what's up."

"I must concur the tension in the air is quite palpable…" Phoebe noted.

Suddenly a loud maniacal laugh caught the four kids' attention. Knowing that kind of unhinged cackling could only come from one source they scanned for Curly and spotted him pontificating before Park, Katrinka, Joey and Peapod.

"Remember, meet at recess. Attendance is mandatory for all sixth graders." he said.

Park and Peapod looked at one another suspiciously as Katrinka rolled her eyes and walked off. Arnold looked around and noticed several other sixth grade kids were grinning excitedly.

"What's everyone so excited about?" Arnold asked as he walked up behind Curly.

"The Great One has summoned us all." Curly said, "He's having all us sixth graders meet him after lunch. Spread the word around."

"The Great One?" Arnold asked skeptically.

"What?" Curly responded, "Surprised that's not you?"

"Come on, what's going on?" Gerald asked.

"Seriously." A girl's voice suddenly cut in.

The three of them looked and saw Rhonda, surprisingly with her eyes fixed on them in a rare instance she wasn't staring at her phone screen.

"Something is obviously going on, and I know nothing about it, you little creep." she said with venom in her tone, "And I simply can't tolerate not knowing everything that happens in this school."

Curly grinned at her, and said in a now flirty voice, "Oh, you'll find out soon enough. All three of you will be joining us in the boys locker room after lunch."

"The boys locker room?" Rhonda retched in disgust.

"Don't worry, sweetheart, you're covered." Curly said, "Ladies are welcome under the Great One's watch. Plus we have the added security of Big Gino's people, so you know it's an offer you can't refuse."

"Much as I've always wanted to see inside the forbidden zone, who in the name of criminey is the 'Great One?'" Helga huffed.

"Oh, I needn't tell you." Curly laughed, "I can already see I've peaked your curiosity. See you there."

Without another word, Curly turned on his heel and walked off still laughing maniacally to himself. Arnold, Gerald, Helga, Phoebe and Rhonda all exchanged glances.

"I hate it when that twisted little freak is right…" Helga sighed, "Still, this ought to be good, whatever it is."

Gerald nodded in agreement, "Guess we'll know soon enough…"

After Lunch, the five friends discretely made their way to the boys locker room where they found two hulking kids in grey suits standing guard outside.

"School ID?" one of them asked.

"We're in elementary school." Arnold said flatly, "We don't have school IDs."

"Password?" the other thuggish boy asked.

"Curly didn't give us a password." Gerald said.

"Code phrase?" they both asked.

Helga raised a fist to them both and growled, "Just step aside you big goombas! We're in the sixth grade and we were invited."

Both watchmen smiled and nodded.

"That'll work." one of them said as the other opened the door and gestured for them to enter.

"Boys locker room…" Helga whispered to herself, "The final frontier… long have I sought to pass through these hallowed gates in the hopes of catching but one brief glimpse of-"

"Helga?" Arnold asked.

"What?" Helga snapped out of her private revelry.

"You just… had that weird glazed over look in your eye again." Arnold said.

"Nothing to do with you, football head." she lied through her teeth, "All right, let's see what this is all about…"

Arnold, Helga, Gerald, Phoebe and Rhonda then beheld all their fellow sixth graders standing in a circle, all of them equally confused and restless. At the center stood the ironically named Big Gino, a boy of short stature who commanded enormous respect and fear from his fellow students by threat of force from his gang. He said nothing and just silently sucked on a lollipop as if it were a cigarette as everyone around him murmured quietly but intensely. Arnold glanced around, seeing everyone from Eugene and Sheena, to Stinky and Sid, to Harold and Patty all murmuring among themselves. The tension in the air threatened to boil over when finally Curly at last moved to the center of the circle and hollered.

"Friends, classmates, sixth graders, lend me your ears!" he shouted, trying to sound impressive, "Our day of conquest is at hand! We have been tasked to fulfill a most sacred duty! Hear now, the wise words of the great sixth grade titan…"

Then from out of the shadows, a boy who dwarfed even Big Gino's goons stomped into view. The entire sixth grade body gasped in surprise and alarm when they beheld the so called 'Great One;' a boy few of them had seen in a long time and didn't even realize still attended PS118.

"Ludwig?" Arnold and Gerald gasped.

* * *

_**Everyone's least favorite bully is back.**_


	3. Reforging Tradition

Chapter 3: Reforging Tradition

A uniform look of shock covered nearly every face in the room as they beheld Ludwig; a boy built like a mountain gorilla, but not blessed with the docile and passive nature of one. Most of them hadn't so much as seen Ludwig since the time he and Wolfgang had terrorized them at the vacant lot two years ago, a day that lived on in Gerald's retelling as 'The Black Eye Game' None of them ever forgot the sheer number of injuries they endured that day, being pitted against one another in an especially brutal game of tackle football by the two fifth grade juggernauts under a clear threat of even worse violence. Even the most resilient and stout hearted among the now sixth graders cringed in fear as the hulking kid now stood before them, bringing back the traumatic memories. Even Helga winced as she rubbed at her right eye, with phantom pains suddenly returning.

"He still goes here?" Arnold whispered to Gerald and Helga.

"Still goes here?" Helga asked, "When did he ever go here to begin with?"

"Shouldn't he be in… high school by now?" Arnold asked.

"Or college?" Helga wondered, "No… no that might be a stretch to far… um, jail?"

"Guys, Harold is old enough to drive." Gerald said, "Are you really still surprised about the state of the educational system around here?"

"I guess I shouldn't be." Arnold said sadly, "But still… the school year is almost over. How have we not noticed him around?"  
"I dunno. It is kind of like missing a rhino in a rabbit hutch." Gerald admitted, "Maybe he's just been in all the remedial remedial classes…. or maybe he just hasn't figured into any of our life stories until now."

"Silence!" Curly suddenly bellowed, "All of you will show respect and hear the wise words of Ludwig, for it is by his mighty fist that this grade can go forth to glory once more-"

"Enough, little freak." Ludwig pushed past Curly and stood above the other kids, raising his arms like a dictator trying to rally the masses. Before he even had a chance to deliver whatever speech he had planned, someone abruptly cut him off.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry…" Rhonda interjected, "Why should we take the words of a guy who's been held back more than Harold as 'wise'?"

Ludwig glared at Rhonda and stomped towards Rhonda. Her petite friend Nadine stood back in fear but Rhonda stood her ground and glared up at him, looking surprisingly unintimidated.

"Held back, yes. But not for the usual reason that happens." Ludwig said, "I missed a year. Spent some time in juvenile hall. You know, for breaking just one too many kids' bones."

"Go ahead." she said, as her eyes went back to her phone, "Try it. You'll be hearing from my lawyer who'll have you back in juvie faster than I can even post about it."

Ludwig said nothing at first, but then he smiled at the girl.

"Now you see? _That's_ the spirit of fearlessness this pathetic class has been lacking." he said, sounding less thuggish than usual and strangely eloquent for him. "They could learn a thing or two from you."

Rhonda now looked back up in slight confusion, not sure whether to be flattered or not.

"I look around this group and I see a lot of potential for greatness… but this class really has dropped the ball. Truth is, it may be too late. Looking at this soon to be graduating class I'm just disappointed." Ludwig shook his head.

"A shame his parents clearly never express the same disappointment." Phoebe whispered to Helga.

Helga snickered in return and pounded fists with her best friend.

"Since I first walked through these school doors as a pathetic little first grader, this place had an order. An order ruled by the sixth grade class, an order enforced by the fifth grade class… that order was beaten into me and all my fellow classmates, until it hardened me into the masculine specimen you see before you. And now what do I see?" he asked.

All eyes just looked back at him and blinked in confusion. It was Eugene who spoke up and offered an answer.

"A safe and friendly environment where all kids from all walks of life can grow and flourish in a nurturing environment, free from the threat of-"

Ludwig grabbed the small boy by the scruff of his shirt and lifted him up to his eye level.

"Entitlement! Entitlement breeding weakness! Weakness breading chaos!" Ludwig bellowed in Eugene's face, "I look around and I see fourth graders roaming the hallways freely like they own the place, with their lunch money unstolen, their eyes unblackened! They have no idea who used to rule this school!"

"That remedial Shakespeare course of his seems to be working, some." Helga again whispered to Phoebe. "He sounds nearly intelligent now."

Not hearing her, Ludwig continued his impassioned rallying speech, "There are even fourth graders using the vacant lot, unchecked and without the proper respect for its true owners."

Arnold glanced around to gage the reactions of the other kids, whose eyes were all just darting around nervously, To his left however he noticed Gerald was actually nodding along with Ludwig's last point about the vacant lot. A rush of concern overtook Arnold as he felt his stomach sinking.

"And why is this?" he asked the crowd.

"Um, kids will be kids?" Harold suggested.

Ludwig turned at Harold and glared. Harold instantly shuttered as Ludwig slowly stepped towards him menacingly.

"Because of cowards like you." he said, "Look at you, tubby. Guys like you used to see the world as it is; where the big fish eat the little fish. No kids would dare challenge you, but look at you now? You're just a soft teddy bear of a kid."

"Hey! I can still be tough if I want to!" Harold shouted, but then turned to Big Patty who was sitting next to him and glaring at Ludwig, "Can I be, Patty? Is that okay?"

"Ha!" Ludwig laughed, "And you need permission from your girlfriend. You were an alpha once. But now you're nothing."

Patty's eyes narrowed at Ludwig who paid her no mind. Harold meanwhile sank in his seat and looked as if he could just die of embarrassment.

Ludwig turned back to face the rest of the crowd, "And it's not just him. All of you! You gave all those little punks an inch, and now they have a mile! They've overrun the school, taking what they want, and without giving our class the respect it could have. Not the respect we deserve, because… well to be honest, we don't deserve it."

The crowd all murmured amongst themselves, now all engaged in Ludwig's rabble rousing pontification.

"We've lost the fear and respect once commanded by the class ahead of us. But it doesn't have to stay this way." Ludwig continued, "The fifth grade class was once ruled by a mighty leader, who oversaw his subordinates through strength and fear. And when he graduated last year, it fell to you all to maintain the status quo."

Arnold frowned, "You're talking about Wolfgang, I assume?"

"I may have thought he was just a monkey face and a butt wad when I first met him," Ludwig said, "But dude was more than that. He was a great leader. Probably the best PS118 ever had. And all of you wusses dishonor his memory."

Arnold sighed, "My single biggest mistake was getting you two to be friends…"

"Bold words from a supposedly bold kid." Curly put in,

Arnold regarded Curly. He had always been a loose canon, prone to fits of disproportionate retribution whenever he felt he had been wronged somehow. Whatever had caused him to try to aid Ludwig's ascendency was probably something trivial, prompting Arnold to step in and try to bring him back to earth.

"Curly? What's wrong?" he asked, "You're a lot of things, but a bully advocate? Why are you buying into this?"

"Seriously, did a pack of first graders beat you up again, shrimp?" Helga laughed.

Arnold glared at her, "Helga this is serious…"

"This is no personal matter!" Curly shouted at them, "This isn't about me, this is about all of us! Ludwig is right, you know. The fifth and fourth graders are walking all over us! Taking our field! Free to spend their unstolen lunch money and eating up all the food! Taking the last of the chocolate milk! Taking our jobs! Our welfare! Our women!"

He shot a look at Rhonda and grinned in a way he intended to be alluring, but she only returned it with a look of disgust.

Curly continued his tirade, "They have no respect for us after all we've done, because of the sanctuary of underserved tolerance this place has become! They've never known true suffering as we have… the kind of suffering that shaped us into the wise and mature soon to be adults we are today!"

Helga opened her mouth but then quickly closed it and muttered to herself, "Nope. I'm gonna leave that one alone…"

"Worst of all, they threaten the very culture of this school." Curly said, "They have no respect for tradition…"

"Wait a sec…" Stinky cut in, "If you're sayin' that getting picked on made us stronger, why are you also sayin' that we're a bunch of tolerant weaklings now? I'm all confused…"

"That is the sort of contradictory propaganda designed to appeal to peoples' base instincts to push such a hateful agenda," Phoebe added bitterly.

"The twisted little fruitcake is right." Ludwig said, "Our once great traditions have all but faded away… but there is still one we can save. And that brings me to the reason you're all here."

Arnold and Gerald braced themselves as Phoebe glared at Ludwig through her glasses. Helga by contrast now looked almost eager to hear what came next.

"One year ago today, free from juvenile hall and one year behind the great class that preceded you all, I at last had my chance to take part in an age old PS118 tradition. And yet… I found myself completely alone." Ludwig scowled, "Not one of you had the guts or the respect for tradition to do it."

The painful realization of what he was talking about suddenly dumped on Arnold like a load of garbage. Today was Monday, and the first Monday of June. Suddenly he found himself flashing back to the horrors he and his fellow fourth graders had undergone at the hands of the fifth grade class two years ago, on a day that created some of the most frightening childhood trauma they'd ever dealt with.

"You mean… Trash Can Day?" Arnold asked in fear. Frightened murmurs from all the kids came over the crowd as Arnold protested, "But… we're too old for that now… that's a fifth grade 'tradition.'"

"The Trash Can Days of old are over. They're dead, thanks to you." Ludwig said, "But now marks our chance to usher in the new Trash Can Day… a day when the sixth grade reminds the fourth grade who's boss, and reasserts its dominance over the fifth graders who have had it too easy!"

Arnold felt his heart sink even further as the mood amongst the crowd began to shift from fear to tentative excitement.

"That Ludwig sure knows how to fire up a crowd." Stinky said.

"Yeah… I never thought about it, but he's making it sound like it could be fun." Sid agreed.

"And I'll show you who's a big teddy bear, Ludwig!" Harold bellowed, as Patty gave him a dirty look, "I'll put those little shrimps back in their place!"

Arnold reacted with horror as his friends and classmates all started letting the mob mentality take them over. He looked at Phoebe who clearly shared his sentiments, whereas Helga and even Gerald weren't showing their hands, but definitely looked as if they were considering what Ludwig and Curly were suggesting.

Suddenly a slow, but loud echoing clap silenced everyone in the room. Everyone looked and saw Patty, known to most as 'Big Patty' stepping towards Ludwig wearing a scowl as she clapped sarcastically. She wasn't quite as big as Ludwig but she was every bit as well built and intimidating. The two hulking kids stared at one another menacingly in silence as everyone watched on tender hooks.

"Big talk." Patty said, looking unimpressed, "But why do you have us girls here for this, anyway? I assume we're not allowed to take part. You know. Tradition demands."

Ludwig shot her a devious grin and stepped close to her.

"It's a new world." Ludwig said.

"Ludwig is a true egalitarian." Curly grinned.

"An equal opportunist demagogue…" Phoebe muttered and crossed her arms.

"We could use your kind of muscle," Ludwig said to Patty, "Why so hesitant? Pounding fifth graders is what you do best."

"You don't know me, you big skeez." Patty poked a finger at his chest, "I only pound the ones who ask for it. The one's who mess with me first."

"Yes, just the ones who deserve it." Ludwig said with a devious smile, "But you're only beating on the ones that you know have said hurtful things about you. What about all the rest? Who knows how many more of them are saying stuff about you, even if they don't have the guts to harass you in person? Who's to say… they're not all equally guilty?"

A new look came over Patty. Her typically stone expression softened a bit and her eyes betrayed some vulnerability.

"Just think." Ludwig grinned, "This is your chance to put all those little punks in their place. I know the kind of stuff they say about you… but after today, they wouldn't dare cross you ever again."

Patty said nothing but looked away feeling slightly embarrassed and unsure of herself. Ludwig just smiled and turned back to the crowd. His entire demeanor seemed to shift. He had presented himself as a grim authoritarian monument, but now he smiled rather warmly as if trying to win hearts and minds.

"My friends, I know what you're all thinking." he said, "You look at someone like me and think I'm just a big bully. Some muscle head just looking to feed his own ego by forcing you all to submit. Well, you're wrong. I'm not here to be your bully, in fact I'm the best friend any of you have now. You may think what I'm proposing is harsh, and it may look that way, but it's not. This is what needs to be done. This is about more than tradition, this is about building a brighter future for all of us." He knelt down to Eugene and placed a hand on his shoulder, causing the small boy to wince, "Even the smallest among you deserve to be part of this, because you're a sixth grader. You're superior to the rest now. This vision that my predecessor Wolfgang once had for this school. Stand with me, and all of you can rise to glory!"

Ludwig's words seemed to be winning over the crowd. Several kids were smiling and nodding as if touched by the words of a true humanitarian. The irony of this entire farce was rich, Arnold thought to himself now feeling dyspeptic.

"At three thirty today, it's open season on the fourth and fifth graders!" Ludwig shouted, with the malignant vigor returning to his voice. He raised his fist in the air as cheers began to sound from the crowd.

"Forget it Ludwig!" Arnold finally snapped, "We're not stooping to that level! We can't just continue a cycle of endless violence! We have the chance to stop this here and now before it goes on for generations!"

"So you speak for all of us, as usual." Curly said with a smug grin, "And who appointed you the leader of the sixth grade? Cuz I don't remember voting for you. Did any of you?"

The other kids all glanced around at one another and murmured.

"You've always just assumed yourself to be our wise and noble leader, haven't you?" Curly continued to press Arnold.

"I…" Arnold faltered, seeing just the slightest glint of truth in what Curly said. "I'm not… whatever I've done is just because I care. Come on Curly, you remember what it was like as fourth graders. Do you really want to put more kids through that?"

"If you recall I was the first to go down." Curly said, "You know, after your brilliant escape plan failed and walked us straight into their hands. And as I soaked in the trash can… feeling the rancid refuse oozing through my clothes and soaking into my epidermis… it proved one thing to me; that the natural order of things is inevitable! And all must suffer the same pain as a rite of passage! And yet we've denied the next generation that… for we turned soft, and are breeding softness in return! If all of you continue down this road Arnold has set you on, just think of where we'll be next year! We'll walk into junior high school as a bunch of wimps! Totally unprepared for whatever those eighth grade juggernauts have in store! Today I say we prove our mettle and "

"We can't!" Arnold said, "We're better than this!"

"You mean you're better than this!" Curly shouted at Arnold, then turned to the crowd, "Because he thinks he's better than all of us! Look what he's done to you all… he's tamed you. Turned you all into a bunch of sensitive saps. It's Arnold who's brought us to the brink of disaster. When the beatings start again next year in junior high… I hope you all look back at Arnold and all the wonderful things he's done for us, and what he's turned us into…"

Arnold looked around the room and saw growing looks of anger aimed at him, and he dreaded that he was losing them to Curly and Ludwig. He desperately tried to think of something, but for the first time in a while Arnold felt a very real sense of fear towards his class. He had gone through arguably more frightening and life-threatening situations, but to see Curly and Ludwig appealing to everyone's worst instincts inspired a different fear entirely. He opened his mouth as if about to say something to inspire everyone, but nothing came out.

"What's that I hear?" Curly mocked him, "Some poorly founded, naive, and thoroughly self-righteous morality speech? Wouldn't you all just love to hear another one of those from this guy?"

"No!" several in the crowd shouted.

"Isn't it about time we all seized the respect we deserve from those fourth and fifth grade insects?" Curly asked the crowd.

An even larger, "Yeah!" followed from the crowd.

"The rejoice, my friends! For Ludwig is here to hoist us out of this gilded age and shape you all into the hardened warriors you were all meant to be!"

"The freak is right again." Ludwig stepped forward and bellowed, "You all need to become the sixth graders you were meant to be! Not tomorrow, not the next day, but today! It's time to restore glory to PS118! At the three thirty bell, no fourth or fifth grader will be safe!"

Thunderous cheers now erupted as Ludwig and Curly successfully turned a group of schoolchildren into a bloodthirsty mob. Many who quietly disagreed with the sentiment simply smiled and clapped along, for fear of being singled out for their dissent. Arnold still couldn't believe what he was seeing and hearing, and felt even more shocked by his own inaction. He had taken a stand of course, but he had never caved like that before, and thus he hoped to wake up from this nightmare at any moment. As the cheers continued, he sadly realized he wouldn't be waking from a living nightmare.

When Ludwig's rally gradually tapered off, Arnold, Gerald, Helga and Phoebe departed from the locker room in stunned silence, with varied reactions on all of their faces from what they had just witnessed. As they walked in silence, Sid and Stinky walked by them, conversing aloud.

"Sid… I reckon Ludwig and Curly are right." Stinky said, "Guess we'll finally have to get our hands dirty."

"Stinky, no!" Arnold shook his head, surprised at his friend.

"Ah, come on Arnold, we have a chance to be part of something big. You heard what Ludwig said, he's united us sixth graders as equals!" Sid said

"We were already equals..." Arnold said.

"Yeah, but now we're more equal! And way more equal than those pesky fourth and fifth graders!" Sid shouted, "Besides, we all went through it. We survived. Who are we to spit in the face of tradition?"

"Perhaps you're right." came the voice of Lila, as she appeared behind them.

"Lila?" Phoebe gasped, "You of all people?"

"Well, I do hold ever so much respect for traditions." Lila said, "I find them to be a very positive force that binds a community. Although this one in particular seems rather pointless and cruel despite all of Ludwig and Curly's ever so contradictory and reductive anger-fueled rhetoric… so I suppose I could go either way." she said with her mysterious little half-lidid grin.

"Seriously, Lila?" Arnold asked, "Don't you see what Ludwig is doing? He's just manipulating everyone, trying to make them angry so they'll do what he wants."

"Gosh, do you think so?" she asked.

"Aw, Arnold's just being Arnold, don't mind him." Stinky said, "Come on. We'd better get ready."

Stinky and Sid walked away as Arnold just scowled in their direction.

"I can't believe this." Arnold said, "How can they all just be taken in by this? It's just a huge mob mentality."

Gerald nodded, "Yeah… but… I mean, it would get us our field back. You know, the one we fixed up ourselves that those little kids just kinda took over.

Arnold and Phoebe's heads both snapped in Gerald's direction, unable to believe what they had just heard from him.

"What?" Arnold gasped, "Gerald, you're not actually thinking of…"

"Aw, c'mon Arnold." Gerald urged, "It's like a passing of the torch really, a rite of passage. We all went through it, and we're still alive and kicking. And don't pretend the thought didn't occur to you… we both agreed it wasn't so bad and that we might some day… I mean, it's a tradition!"  
"Gerald!" Phoebe scolded him, "I'd expect this from Helga, but you?"

Helga, who had been curiously quiet this whole time placed her hands on her hips and scowled.

"Hey!" she spouted, "Why do you assume I'm all for this?"

Arnold, Gerald and Phoebe stared at her blankly. As a result, Helga burst into laughter.

"Aw man… you're right, why do I even pretend…" she sighed.

"Guys, come on, doesn't this seem wrong, somehow?" Arnold asked.

"Aw, come off your high horse, Arnoldo! This isn't about bullying, this isn't even about honoring tradition! This is about justice!" Helga held her fist in the air in a mock heroic pose.

"Justice?" Arnold asked.

"Yeah!" Helga pounded her fist against her palm, "Have you forgotten that we were once fourth graders getting callously shoved into trash cans by those fifth grade juggernauts? Well the day of reckoning has at last come! The hazed have become the hazers and now we shall at last claim justice for an age old wrong by striking a blow for our class!"

"By hazing a bunch of innocent fourth graders who did nothing to us in the first place…?" Arnold asked.

"Thus perpetuating an endless cycle of senseless violence?" Phoebe continued.

"Exactly!" Helga said excitedly, then abruptly saddened, "Oh… well it kinda sounds bad when you put it like that…"

"No kidding…" Gerald agreed, "Darn it Arnold… you just had to take the fun out of it just by reminding us how wrong it is…"

"Gerald, you're better than that." Arnold said. "A lot better."

"I know, I know." Gerald sighed, "But can't you just let me forget that once in a while?"

Just then Big Patty went storming by them with her fists clenched. Arnold and Helga looked at her worriedly, and Arnold called after her.

"Patty?" he asked.

"What?" Patty turned back in their direction and gave them an unpleasant look.

"You… you're not gonna do it are you?" Arnold asked, "I know you… you're tough but… you're not like Ludwig or Wolfgang. You wouldn't just go around hurting a bunch of innocent little kids."

"They may just be little kids to you." Patty said angrily, but then her face sank and she spoke somewhat mournfully, "But… they're not always so nice. I don't just go shoving kids in their lockers for fun. Look at you guys. You're cool. Those little kids look up to you. Me? Well… let's just say a lot of the time it's like crows swarming a hawk…"

Arnold once again found himself without a moral rejoinder, and just sighed sadly.

"Don't worry." Patty said, seeing the concern on his face, "I probably won't. At least not much…"

From behind her Harold appeared, still looking angry and provoked by what Ludwig had said to him.

"Well I'm gonna!" he said, "No more Mr. Nice Harold! I'll show them all! They all think I've gone soft but today the old Harold is back in business!"

Patty rolled her eyes and sighed, before she walked away from him. Harold stomped after her, shoving a trash can over as he went and continually pounding on lockers in his rage.

"I guess this is happening." Helga said.

"I just wish there was something we could do to stop them…" Arnold sighed.

"Arnold?" Gerald asked, "You don't have an idea? Man, this is bad…"

"Yes, this whole thing is rather disheartening…" Phoebe agreed, "I fear we won't have enough time before the 3:30 bell to win back the hearts and minds of our fellow classmates. If only there as something the four of us could do to stop this..."

Another voice suddenly appeared and caught all of their attention.

"This day has been a long time coming."

They turned to see Eugene, standing with his arms crossed and wearing an uncharacteristically grim expression.

"Maybe not everyone saw it coming. But a few of us did." Eugene continued, "We of course hoped it wouldn't come, but even I'm not that optimistic."

"What do you mean some of you saw it coming?" Gerald asked, "What are you talking about, Eugene?"

"Come with me." Eugene said, with an oddly steely edge in his voice for one normally so sunny.

Arnold, Gerald, Helga and Phoebe glanced at once another in slight surprise, not sure what to make of Eugene's behavior, but they all nodded and followed him.

"I know you four, and we need you." Eugene said. "It's time I told you all about the Mitigator Initiative."

* * *

_**Woof. Well, this chapter hurt me to write. I hope you can forgive me for having some beloved characters join the dark side… but you have to suffer through the night before the dawn… still, that's how bad a villain Ludwig is that he can apparently bring out the worst in everyone, which makes him kind of the perfect counteract to Arnold who does the opposite.**_


	4. The Mitigator Initiative

_**And then I remembered this was meant to be a superhero genre parody... not an allegory for the rise of the flipping Third Reich under Der Führer Ludwig.**__** Whew. That last chapter ended up being way darker than I **_**_intended. But, part of this is all about how mob mentalities can turn anyone bad under the influence of someone like Ludwig who preys on their weaknesses and manipulates them. Anyway, let's get to some more... heroic stuff._**

* * *

Chapter 4: The Mitigator Initiative

Eugene led the other four kids down the stairs to the basement level, through a dark hallway and past dusty lockers that hadn't been touched by students for many years. He stopped when he reached a door that read 'AV Room.'

"C'mon Eugene, what's going on?" Gerald asked, "What's this so-called 'Mitigator Initiative?' Also… we had an AV room this whole time?"

"You four have been at the center of basically every major conflict this class has ever faced," Eugene said, "A lot of people see you guys as… well, as sort of heroes."

"Finally, a little recognition." Helga chuckled, "But I can't accept your praise, I'm no hero. I just like punching people."

"Give yourself a little more credit, Helga." Arnold said.

As the five kids entered the AV Room, they surveyed multiple TV screens and other dusty outdated and unused looking pieces of equipment piled around.

"So what's this? Your headquarters?" Helga laughed, "Please, even Big Bob wouldn't be selling crap this outdated."

"Oh, no." Eugene said, as he walked over towards a large 'The Abdicator' poster. He pulled the poster aside to reveal the entrance to a tunnel and grabbed for a flashlight atop a nearby table. "Our center of operations is through here."

The other four looked on in astonishment as Eugene crawled inside on all fours and disappeared into the dark.

"Come on." he called out, "We don't have much time."

Arnold nodded and crawled after Eugene. Gerald then followed suit and Phoebe went after him.

"Should've gone with team Ludwig… oh well," Helga sighed, as she too crawled after them.

The tunnel grew increasingly dark as they felt themselves descending deeper and deeper into the dark. Claustrophobia began to set in as Eugene led them to their unknown destination.

"So this is how we die." Helga muttered to herself, "Not by ghost train, ghost bride, or even river pirates… led into a dark crawlspace and murdered by Eugene of all people."

"Here we are." Eugene called out from the front.

The first three behind him stood up, still unable to see when a loud clang from behind them rang out.

"Ow." Helga groaned in pain, having tried to stand up before making it out of the tunnel.

"Helga?" Arnold called out, "Are you okay?"

"Oh yeah, yeah," she muttered, "Fortunately I didn't need my skull…"

Eugene switched on his flashlight and found his way over to a light switch. In a flash, the room lit up to reveal a door, which Eugene opened to revealed the massive and considerably high tech looking command center. The four jaws of Eugene's guests dropped together as they beheld what looked like a decked out computer lab. Several kids were sitting at their monitors, all busily carrying out one task or another.

"By the power of Pop Daddy…" Gerald quietly remarked in disbelief.

"Wow…" Phoebe marveled, "It looks more impressive than even your lair at the beeper store, Helga."

"No kidding…" Helga agreed.

"What… is this place?" Arnold asked.

"We're not entirely sure." Eugene said, "It was empty when we first accidentally stumbled onto it. Some kind of storage room, but it hasn't been used in years."

"Was this school designed during prohibition or something?" Helga asked.

Arnold continued to glance around. Something about the room had an air of familiarity but he couldn't quite place it.

"This place looks…" he started, but then trailed off.

"Familiar?" Came another voice.

The kids turned to see another boy, with a black bowl haircut similar to Curly's. He wore a light blue sweater with a large golden letter U in the center.

"Park?" Arnold asked.

"I'm glad you all came." Park affirmed.

"What kind of operation are you running here?" Phoebe asked.

"We're putting together a team." Eugene said, "A team of like minded sixth graders unafraid to stand up and do the right thing."

"You did all this just to prevent another Trash Can Day?" Arnold asked.

"We did." Eugene sighed, "After Wolfgang put me in a trash can, and I felt the rotting sludge run through my hair and down my pants, I realized that one day the choice would lay before me whether or not to do the same to some innocent kid. In that moment I said to myself not only would I never stoop so low, but I'd never let it happen to another kid on my watch…"

Eugene had a reputation for being sunny and optimistic almost to an insane degree, to the point where it seemed that he was in blissful denial of how accident prone he was. He now spoke with a firm and steely edge in his voice that seemed so uncharacteristic for him that the other kids felt somewhat amazed.

"Never stoop so low, huh? More like you haven't grown an inch since then and couldn't do it if you wanted to." Helga laughed, causing Phoebe to shoot her a dirty look. "Sorry, go on…"

"Arnold, Curly was right about one thing, you have more or less been the unofficial leader of our grade." said Eugene.

"I thought I was!" both Gerald and Helga shouted in unison, then shot each other dirty looks.

"It was because of your example, your unwavering sense of right and wrong that our grade never sank to Wolfgang's level." Eugene said, "But as I feared… not everyone was happy with that. We've been preparing for that, hence why we built up our headquarters."

"This whole operation you got going here looks a little… expensive." Phoebe noted, "Where did you secure the funds for all this?"  
"We all do our part, old chums," came a somewhat highfalutin voice from behind them.

Arnold and the others turned to see another pair of boys, both well dressed. The one who spoke wore dark glasses.

"Peapod? Lorenzo?" Arnold asked, "You too?"

"Yes, yes, we've been terribly busy preparing for the possibility of this day." Peapod replied, "When Park came to me with this most noble cause I just couldn't refuse."

"Wow." Arnold said, refreshed to hear the more affluent students using their capital for the benefit of their fellow kids.  
"What Ludwig is proposing is in terribly, terribly bad taste." Peapod shook his head.

"So wait a darn minute…" Helga said, "Is this just a continuation of the old safe house thing we used to run back in fourth grade? You know, before Wolfgang destroyed it during the last Trash Can Day?"

Eugene shrugged, "It could be seen as the spiritual successor after the disastrous-"

"And you left me out?" Helga shouted, "I was the group therapist! There to provide a sympathetic listening ear for those dumb wusses!"

"Well, you're certainly welcome back now." Eugene said, "We just thought that your talents were more… physical than psychological."

Helga raised a fist and shouted in Eugene's face, "I'll show ya- oh… I'm just… proving your point here aren't I?" she backed off.

"Secrecy to all but a select few was imperative." Peapod said, "Otherwise we risked compromising the entire operation."

"But we spent a long time getting ready, knowing the threat of Trash Can Day could one day return." said Eugene.

"Thus we began the Mitigator Initiative." Park said.

"Why 'Mitigator'?" Arnold asked. "I don't get the name."

"It felt the most fitting. We actually named if in honor of you." Eugene said.

"In honor of me?" Arnold asked incredulously.

"Arnold, you're always helping people. You've helped me more times than I can remember… but…" Eugene hesitated.

Arnold's eyebrow went upward as he looked at Eugene searchingly.

"But what?" Arnold asked.

"Well… your efforts are always noble, but you don't always… well, actually you usually don't really _solve_ peoples' problems so much as just make them a little bit less bad…" Eugene said tentatively.

"You mitigate peoples' problems is what we're saying." Park clarified. "But the lengths you go to… well it's more than what most kids would do."

Arnold scratched the back of his head in slight discomfort.

"I mean… I try…" he said. "Um, thanks?"

"Oh we're not downplaying your heroism, not at all." Eugene reassured him, "It's your undying devotion to trying to do good in the world that's so inspiring. And that's why we're all here now. We want your legacy to live on in this school, passing from one generation to the next, the legend of Arnold."

"And Gerald…" said Gerald, "Right?"

"Of course." Eugene said, "The legend would't be complete without you. Who could forget his devoted and ice cool sidekick?"

"Side what?" Gerald yelled, somewhat offended.

"I always kind of thought I was your sidekick, if that helps, Gerald." Arnold said.

"Man, that's not the public perception I guess." Gerald sighed.

"If you two boneheads are finished with the sidekick debate… and by the way, all three of you chuckleheads are my sidekicks, so that's settled, Park? Eugene? What do you want us for?" Helga asked.

"Well, we had this sort of wild idea a while ago…" Park said. "A way to take a stand against bullying that I don't think anyone else has tried."

"It's terribly original." Peapod said with a grin.

"I already don't like where this is going…" Helga muttered.

"You four are like PS118's mightiest heroes." Eugene said. "As you know, I have a bit of an affinity for heroes… only you guys don't play heroes, you are heroes!"

"That might be overselling it but go on." Phoebe said.

"With you four leading the way, the school will see your shining example and recognize you for the superheroes you are." said Eugene triumphantly.

"Superheroes? Gerald asked in surprise.

"You're trying to turn us into some kind of lame superhero team?" Helga almost laughed, "So… Hell Girl, Nerd Girl, The Incredible Tall Hair Boy and Captain Sanctimony?"

Park pondered, "Those are actually pretty good, Peapod? Write those down."

"You're serious?" Arnold asked.

"The school needs heroes now, Arnold." said Eugene, "People they can look up to and admire. People who can set a good example for them to strive for."

Arnold pondered that notion. He had earlier been expressing his desire to leave behind a positive legacy when they all graduated. Eugene now seemed to be taking that idea to some logical extremes, but nonetheless Arnold found himself intrigued.

Gerald on the other hand looked less convinced.

"So… you want to combat Ludwig, Curly, Gino and all their army of goons?" he asked. "The four of us? Just standing up to the rest of the grade? That's suicide, man."

"We'll all have your back." Park said.

"Plus we may or may not have someone on the inside with Ludwig's rabble." Peapod said with a grin.

"Who?" Arnold asked.

"We can't compromise them by going into spoiler territory." Eugene said, "Just remember you won't be alone. And you four have certain skills that give you an edge. Phoebe? You're the smartest kid in school, and a world class fencer."

Phoebe giggled, "And I've taken up kendo too."

"Helga?" said Park, "You're a dead eye shot with a slingshot, and probably the toughest kid I've ever met. You're actually kind of terrifying when you want to be."

"Oh, I'm getting there, pal. Keep talking." Helga said with her arms crossed.

"Gerald, you're a walking textbook of school and urban lore and a… um, and a great athlete." Park said.

"That's all you got for me?" Gerald asked in disappointment, "Man… am I really just a sidekick?"

"Now's not the time to have an existential crisis," Phoebe said, taking Gerald's hand in hers and winking at him, "Besides, you also have the power of being the best looking guy in school."

"And Arnold… what are the words? You're an inspiration to kids everywhere." Park said, "And, weren't you a martial arts master at some point too?"

Arnold shrugged, "I… didn't really stay in practice with that. I doubt if I even remember any of it. Besides… whatever I was before I'm not an inspiration now. You heard them all turn on me before. Now they all think I'm some self righteous busybody control freak or something… I don't think anything I say or do is going to help."

"Whoa!" Peapod gasped, "Arnold… that kind of negativity from you? That may have just physically hurt me."

"You're not planning for us to try to stop them with physical force, are you?" Phoebe asked.

"Seriously, Ludwig has the whole grade crying out for blood." Gerald said, "The last thing I think we wanna do is just escalate the violence… you know… if we do this. I'm still not sold, here."

"Well I for one think it's a noble idea." Phoebe said, "And I want in. I'd like to give those jerks a piece of my mind..."

Gerald and Helga looked at Phoebe in surprise. She had her moments of anger, but Phoebe was normally the most placid among them, and yet Ludwig had apparently stirred something deep inside her as her voice filled with righteous anger.

"They're good people." Eugene said firmly, "They were led astray. Manipulated by fear and anger, but we can win them back the Arnold way."

"Even Curly?" Gerald asked.

Eugene sighed, "Well… maybe not Curly. Okay, probably not Curly."

"Ah, this whole thing is nuts." Helga shook her head. "This is a dumber idea than buying a monitor lizard as an alibi for being at a pet store…"

Phoebe looked at Helga strangely.

"Whatever happened to your lizard anyway?" Phoebe asked.

"Oh, it's… y'know, around." Helga said, "Anyway, I still think you guys are out of your mind. You think a bunch of nerds at computers all trying to look like their doing something and us four on the front lines are going to stop those guys from canning kids? I mean, what's next? You gonna have us in our own tailor made hero costumes or something like-"

"Ta da!" Eugene shouted as he pulled on a chord which opened a curtain to reveal wracks upon wracks of costumes. Sorting through them were Sheena and Rhonda to their further surprise.

"The drama department is done for the year, so I borrowed a few things." Eugene explained.

Helga's face sank as Arnold and Phoebe just looked on in slight shock. Gerald shook his head and placed his hands on his hips.

"Oh boy…" he sighed.

In the boys locker room, Curly stood with his arms crossed and his legs spread far apart as he observed a line of his fellow sixth graders standing before a trash can, watching eagerly as one of Gino's henchmen demonstrated the proper technique for shoving kids in the trash with a stuffed dummy. Following the example Wolfgang had once set, one by one they practiced quickly dunking the dummy with one fluid but brutal motion. Ludwig and Big Gino stood next to Curly, neither one of them impressed by what they were seeing.

"They're willing and eager…" Ludwig noted, "…and all really bad at this."

"Give them time." Curly said nonchalantly. "Why don't you show them how it's done, Gino?"

"I got people to do that stuff for me, got it?" Gino said dispassionately, "You wanted muscle, I provide you with that service. I'm more the executive type. I ain't getting my own hands dirty when I got people to do it for me, capeesh?"

"Not one of these kids even comes close to the greatness of Wolfgang's class." Ludwig sighed.

"You sound almost smitten." Curly said.

Ludwig glared at him, but smiled.

"He was good at what he did." Ludwig said, cracking his knuckles, "I'm gonna whip this bunch of geeks into shape until they measure up."

"Oh they just need to tap into their more animalistic instincts." Curly said, "Look at me. They all think I'm some kind of disturbed anomaly but in truth… they're not different than me deep down. We're all just animals acting on instinct to survive. Some of us just choose to act on it."

"Hey, Ludwig? Curly?" Stinky called out, "Don't ya think the teachers might notice none of us are in class?"

"It's the last week of school." Curly answered, "They hardly care any other time of year, and now they've all but given up on us."

"Just keep canning." Ludwig barked, "You've all got a long way to go."

Pushing past two smaller boys, Patty stepped up to the can and grabbed at the dummy.

"I'll show you how it's done." she grunted.

She then slammed it into the can with impressive grace and force, which garnered her cheers and congratulations from her fellow students. She smiled, unaccustomed to feeling supported and welcomed by her peers. Iggy then stepped up to the can and made a rather feeble attempt to replicate Patty's technique. His smaller stature didn't do him any favors and the other kids all laughed at his failed effort.

"Hmm, pathetic." Ludwig said, "I admit, I am somewhat disappointed that Pataki character didn't show up. She may be scrawny but she's a fighter. She could have showed these wimpier kids how it's done."

"Helga?" Curly laughed, "She talks tough but it's all a show. She went soft long ago. All because of her one fatal weakness."

Ludwig turned to Curly and frowned, "Football face?"

"Yes…" Curly said, as he steepled his fingers, "It was a shock to few when she finally blabbed her unbound affections for that pseudo messiah of hers. The kind of feelings she has for him go deeper than the average schoolgirl 'like you like you' variety. Where he goes she follows like a dog on a leash." Curly smiled deviously, "And I expect by now they've both found their way to Eugene's little 'secret' group."

Ludwig nodded and sniggered.

"Whatever those little drama geeks have got planned, even with Arnold's help they can't stop us." Ludwig stated firmly.

"No." Curly agreed, "But for a little added insurance, I've got a few other plans in motion."

Ludwig pointed at Curly threateningly.

"Hey, anything you've got planned has to go by me first." Ludwig barked, "You're not running this show, that's me! You work for me, remember?"

"And my job is to root out your enemies and that's what I intend to do." Curly said, "With my crazy thirteen dimensional chess plan, Eguene's little group will the the authors of their own obliteration."

Curly burst into a fit of loud maniacal laughter, causing the other kids at the trash can to look in his direction. Lila was currently holding the dummy and paused before she had a chance to dunk it in the can.

"His enthusiasm is just ever so inspiring." she said with a half lidid grin, and then finally slammed the dummy into the can as everyone cheered.

* * *

_**Uh oh. Curly's onto them. Little sneak. And he has a ridiculous evil plan... CAN HE BE STOPPED?**_

_**How should I know. Find out next time.**_

_**Okay… I still haven't decided if they're all going to end up in hero costumes in the end or not. Well, okay, yes I have but I haven't decided what they'll all wear… thoughts? Ideas? Share em and I'll be happy to steal em. ;)**_

_**Review and favorite! Or Ludwig will find you.**_


	5. To Catch a Freak

Chapter 5: To Catch a Freak

In the hidden room beneath the AV room, Helga marched up to Rhonda who was looking through the costume racks.

"Rhondaloid?" Helga huffed, "How in the heck did they rope you of all people into this? Seriously, are they holding your favorite shoes hostage or something?"

Rhonda smiled as she snapped a quick selfie with the dress she was holding up, before turning back to Helga.

"Oh nobody roped me. Peapod told me and I volunteered," She said, "After I realized that superhero movies are trending, cosplay culture is all the rage, and even anti-bullying is the current fad. It's the perfect combination! Standing up for the little people can only be good for my image… plus I get to look incredible while doing it. This is going to do wonders for my online following!"

Nadine appeared from behind the costume rack and grinned at her best friend as she shook her head.

"Oh just admit it, Rhonda." she said, "You know you just want to do the right thing."

"Well of course." Rhonda said, still rapidly tapping on her phone, "That's what I'd like my followers to see in me of course. Geek culture is the new cool and… HASHTAG I WANNA BE A GEEK!"

"Hold the phone." Gerald interjected, "I thought this was all supposed to be a secret… why is the the social media queen in on this?"

"Seriously." Helga agreed, "How have you not been found out already with the school gossip queen here?"

Rhonda held up three fingers and closed her eyes, "I'm sworn to secrecy. Until after today that is, of course. Then I'll finally have the following I've worked so hard for…" She sighed longingly. "I'll be documenting this entire adventure."

"How very touching," Phoebe said, she then walked over to Sheena, "Sheena? What do you do here?"

Sheena smiled and held up a piece of costuming, "Eugene asked me if I could come up with some costume ideas. For you I'm thinking something Japanese Kentucky fusion…"

"I'm sorry I asked…" Phoebe sighed.

"Everyone here has their part to play." Eugene said, "We're all devoted to making this school a safer and more welcoming environment, and everyone is bringing their unique talents to the table. Arnold? Why don't you come up with an inspirational rallying speech to undermine Ludwig's?"

Arnold shrugged, "I guess I could-"

"Guys?" Lorenzo's voice suddenly called out, "I think we may have a problem."

Everyone walked over to Lorenzo's computer screen and he turned to them, "Our reconnaissance team has just-"

"We have a reconnaissance team too?" Helga blurted.

"Helga, just go with it…" said Park.

"Well, Curly has been sighted lurking around the basement level near the AV Room." Lorenzo continued, "I don't know how but I think The Mitigator Initiative may have been compromised."

"Told ya!" Helga shouted, and then pointed at Rhonda, "I knew you couldn't keep a lid on this… traitor!"

Rhonda just stared back at Helga in silence for a moment, as did the others.

"You've been part of this group for all of fifteen minutes and you're already so passionately devoted that you're trying to sniff out treason?" Rhonda remarked, "Noble of you. But I have no idea how Curly could know about this place…"

Helga sniffed the air, "That's one strong perfume you've got on."

"Oh, so I suppose Curly can just find us by smelling me-" Rhonda stopped in mid sentence as her eyes went wide, "Ugh, could he get any creepier…?

Helga snapped her fingers and dashed out of sight, off towards the costumes and props. The others paid her no mind as they all started to feel anxious.

"What are the odds he'll actually look behind the poster?" Eugene asked, "I mean… surely he can't be that cunning."

"I don't think we can afford to find out." Park said.

"What are you proposing, Park old boy?" Peapod asked.

"I didn't think it would have to come to this… but we might need to apprehend him." Park suggested.

"What and bring him in for questioning?" Eugene asked.

"It's risky bringing him here…" Lorenzo noted.

"It's more risky having him find the entrance and coming back with Ludwig's thugs." Eugene said, "We have to decide fast."

"I'm all over it." Helga called out to them. They looked and saw Helga was carrying a large burlap sack and a fishing pole over her shoulder. She then tossed the pole to Phoebe.

"Helga?" Gerald asked, "What are you doing?"

"You brought us in here to be your heroes, so either come with me or stay outta my way. Trust me. When have I ever steered you guys wrong? C'mon, Feebs." Helga said, "We're going Curly hunting…"

Standing before the trash can, Stinky held the small dummy in his hands and looked down into the empty container.

"Garsh, do you reckon the actual kids will be this light?" Stinky asked.

"Just do it, ya hick." one of Gino's thugs huffed as he pushed Stinky closer to the can.

"Alright." Stinky said as he gently lowered it in, "Aw heck, it was supposed to be fast and fluid… I just can't do much of nothing right…"

Suddenly Harold pushed his way past the others in line and grabbed the dummy from the can. Ludwig grinned.

"My turn!" Harold bellowed, "None of you wimps know how to bully! I'll show you all!" Harold glared into the faceless doll as a bead of sweat ran down his forehead. He could feel his heart pumping and all eyes in the room on him too. As he looked at the dummy suddenly his eyes went wide. For a split second he could have sworn it bore the face of Arnold. He shook his head in disbelief.

"Well, go on Harold!" Sid urged him.

"Yeah, whatcha waitin' for?" Stinky asked.

"I'm not waiting for anything!" Harold shouted, "I just uh… I'm trying a new technique! You gotta… uh, make 'em dangle for a bit first! Yeah! Let 'em think about what they did and-"

"Do that and you'll just give other kids a chance to escape." said Ludwig disapprovingly. "This isn't about our own personal pleasure. It's not even about punishing those kids as individuals. This is what has to be done for the greater good. Now do it, tubby!"

"Gah! All right, all right… Master Fortress Daddy…" Harold muttered until his breath, "He once again lifted up the dummy and this time he could see Arnold's face on it, clear as day. He paused and looked at it with awe. Suddenly he could hear Arnold's voice in his mind.

"What are you doing Harold?"

"W-what?" Harold asked the dummy, as the others just looked at him in bewilderment.

"What are you doing? This isn't you Harold. Not anymore." Arnold's voice asked him.

"Yes it is! I'm a bully! I always have been!" Harold insisted. "I'm big! I'm bad! As big and bad as they come!"

"No." the phantom Arnold disagreed, "You just wanted people to think that once, but you've grown up. You know right and you know wrong."  
"Well yeah, but… I'm… I'm too dumb to know better!" Harold protested.

"Who the heck is he talkin' to?" Stinky asked.

"The dummy… I think…" Sid said.

"Who's the bigger dummy here…" Ludwig grunted.

"You do too know better." Arnold's voice said to Harold, "You know it feels better to build people up than tear them down. Remember who you are… and also… Mitzvah."

"AAAUUGGH!" Harold suddenly clutched the dummy close to himself and began sobbing hysterically, "I can't! I can't do it! I'm sorry! Waaaaaaah! Mommy!"

Several other kids started laughing at him, but Ludwig was furious. He stomped over to Harold and lifted him up by his ill-fitting shirt.

"What do you think you're doing, tubby?" Ludwig bellowed in his face.

"I can't do it!" Harold shouted back, "It's not who I am anymore! You're right! I'm just a big teddy bear! My sensitive side has taken over! And… and you know what else?"

"What?" Ludwig growled.

"I'M PROUD OF IT!" Harold shouted, "I don't need to be a big fat jerk to some little kids just to feel good about myself! I've got plenty to be happy for already! And I don't care if you all think I'm just a big softie! I'M SENSITIVE AND I'M PROUD!"

A hush fell over the crowd. Sid and Stinky just stared at Harold in shock. Patty too stared at him, with a look of almost adoration in her eyes. Ludwig similarly looked to be at a loss for words. He glanced around, suddenly griped with a twinge of fear as Harold had just shown him up. Knowing he had to quash any hint of dissent in the ranks however, he grabbed Harold by the back of his shirt and proceeded to drag him towards the door.

"No room for losers, here tubby." he growled, "We don't need you here. Get out!"

The others all stared. Any private thoughts of doubt or concern remained unspoken as they watched their leader spurn Harold.

"Ah, who needs you anyway!" Harold shouted back as he stormed off.

Ludwig turned back to the crowd of kids who were all still staring in silence.

"Let that be a lesson to all of you." he said, "Sentiment is weakness. And unless you all wanna end up like that fat loser, then get back to canning practice!"

Everyone quickly resumed what they were doing, all save for Patty who walked over to Ludwig.

"We need him." she said sternly.

"No we don't." Ludwig growled in her face.

"Look, gimme a few minutes with him," she said, "I'll have him back in line before you know it. Harold's just a little… impulsive sometimes. You just gotta get him in the right frame of mind."

Ludwig looked at her searchingly, then nodded.

"All right." he said, "For your sake, you'd better be right about that."

"Oh trust me," Patty said, "You've shown me the light. Thanks to you I know what has to be done."

She then ran off after Harold and Ludwig smirked in satisfaction. As he turned back to observe the canning practicing, Lila poked her head out the door and watched Patty running off and squinted suspiciously.

Deep in the dark corridors of the basement level, Curly darted around from locker to locker with all his ballet dancing skill, as his eyes darted all around as he hoped to catch even a faint hint of motion. He sniffed the air and smiled.

"Ah… you can't hide from me my pretty…" he laughed to himself, "The lady doth resist too much… some day you will be mine. Once I ascend to my proper place as the savior of the sixth grade."

"Curly…" a familiar sounding voice called to him.

"Who goes there?" Curly jumped in the direction of the voice and struck a fighting pose, "Show yourself, rat catcher!"

"I'm always here Curly…" the voice said again.

"Oh no… you again…" Curly growled. He looked at his right shoulder where a tiny angelic figure with flowing golden hair stood, garbed in a white robe and strumming on a tiny golden harp. Above his head hovered a halo much too small for its otherwise large oblong head.

"My child, you know in the bottom of your sick, twisted little heart that what you're doing is wrong." it said.

"I thought I fired you long ago…" Curly said in disgust.

"You can never be rid of your conscience." it said, "Even if you choose to ignore it most of the time."

"Oh criminey, is that immaculate little twerp at it again?" another voice from Curly's left shoulder appeared. He turned and saw an angry little demonic figure wearing red full body pajamas, brandishing a pitchfork and with two enormous horns sticking out of the sides of its head. It looked at him with a furrowed monobrow above it's fiery little eyes that bored into his own.

"When has listening to that guy ever gotten you anywhere? Confessing to pulling the fire alarm? Negotiating with Simmons and Wartz? C'mon. You buddy are on the brink of eternal glory! Don't back out now! You deserve to be rewarded for all you've done!"

"Kindness is its own reward." the shoulder angel said.

"How about my fist in your face for your reward?" the demon tossed aside its pitchfork and jumped over to the right shoulder. It then proceeded to pummel the little angel as Curly watched with indifference.

"Hmm," he said, "Both compelling arguments, but you win as usual by force. Now if you'll excuse me I have a secret base to locate."

Both tiny little cliches disappeared in a poof of smoke and fire atop his shoulder and Curly grinned a wide feral grin.

"Ah, to be a massive jerk… or not to be a massive jerk. That's hardly a question." he laughed, "Tis never nobler to suffer the slings and outrageous fortunes, for that which we desire must be taken by force!" As he spoke suddenly he noticed something hovering in the air before him. He blinked in disbelief. Unlike his shoulder angel and devil he had never seen this floating in air before.

"Is this a Wanky Land pencil I see before me?" he reached out towards the hovering pencil, "Yes it is… the like which I once owned, which Eugene so callously destroyed. Come, let me clutch thee… I have thee not… but see thee still… thou marshall'st me the way that I was going, and such an instrument would I use…"

Curly made a grab for the hovering pencil, and to his surprise it didn't fade through his grasp, and he held it in his hand.

"Aha!" he laughed triumphantly, but then paused, "What's this?"

He suddenly noticed the pencil was still tugging slightly at his grip, and he at last saw a thin line tied to the end of the pencil and leading upward. Suddenly everything around him went dark as he felt something envelope him, and two strong arms holding him tight. He couldn't move. He fought back to no avail. His screams too were muffled and he realized he had been captured by the enemy.

"Gotcha, ya little sea lamprey." he heard Helga's voice say. "Nice cast there, Feebs."

* * *

_**Curly is starting to scare even me.**_


	6. Sidekicks and Psychos

Chapter 6: Sidekicks and Psychos

Ludwig had several of the smaller skinnier sixth graders on the floor doing pushups after so many of them had disappointed him with their dummy canning abilities. Sid and Stinky were both struggling against their own gravity, but Stinky was also finding himself struggling with his conscience.

"Sid?" Stinky panted.

"Yeah Stinky?"

"It just ain't sitting right with me… after what happened with Harold…"

"Yeah, I guess so… but a traitor's a traitor." Sid sighed.

"I dunno, I'm starting to wonder if that's us-"

Stinky was cut off as a powerful grip on his shirt hoisted him up into the air. Stinky found himself face to face with Ludwig.

"You know… Smelly, is it?" he asked menacingly.

"Stinky…" Stinky responded in a shaky voice.

"Smelly… among my few flaws in life, my hearing isn't all that great." Ludwig said, "So I'm going to ask you right now, what was it you just said?"

A hush fell over the entire locker room, and all eyes went to Ludwig and Stinky.

"Uh… well I uh…" Stinky fumbled for an answer.

"Because I know I didn't just hear you saying that you felt bad for that tubby traitor former friend of yours." Ludwig said softly but intensely.

"Former…?" Stinky asked.

"That's right. Former. Someone who fraternizes with the enemy, or doesn't share our vision can't be a friend, Smelly." Ludwig said, "And I know I didn't hear you saying that we, the true sixth graders are somehow traitors to the school… because… that would just be a crazy lie, wouldn't it?"

"I guess it would…" Stinky replied.

"Yes, because our cause isn't a lie. It's the truth. And we can't have any lies getting in the way of that." Ludwig said as he raised a fist, "So just to be clear, I only misheard you, right?"

"Uh… yeah, you did." Stinky laughed uncomfortably.

"That's a relief." Ludwig said as he abruptly dropped Stinky, who fell back to the floor and landed on his rear. Ludwig looked around the room and said firmly, "I don't want to mishear anything else from any of you. Otherwise I might just overreact next time."

Everyone nodded and went back to their business. Ludwig turned and walked over to a secluded area in the locker room away from the others. He smiled smugly as he leaned against a locker while pondering his soon to be legendary status. He had brought back Trash Can Day, and had single handedly brought the sixth grade body to heal in one day. There were still a few holdouts that stood against him, but he knew they wouldn't be able to stop him.

"Excuse me, sir?" a meek sounding girl's voice suddenly snapped him out of his blissful musing.

Ludwig looked and saw a girl standing before him, wearing a green swing dress and cowgirl boots, with her auburn hair hanging down in two braids. He had seen her around but had never exchanged two words with her before, nor did he even know her name. She had to be a bold one to come speak with him alone, which intrigued him.

"What do you want?" he asked.

"Well, I was just wondering… you see, compared to the rest of the kids I'm just ever so new to this school… and I must confess I wasn't present for the last Trash Can Day." she said.

"Lucky you." Ludwig laughed.

"I suppose so. I've heard it was an honored tradition, which I'm just oh so in favor of, but I also realize that I'm also just ever so out of my element with regard to-"

"Why do you talk like that?" Ludwig asked.  
"Whatever do you mean?" she asked in confusion.

"The 'oh sos' and 'ever sos' and all that…" Ludwig growled.

"Oh. It's just my downhome and quaint country upbringing, I suppose." she said, "I'm not from the city originally, you see."

"Uh huh." he nodded, "That figures. Got a name?"

"Lila." she said as she curtseyed to him, "And I just hoped that you could enlighten me as to how this entire festivity is achieved? I'm afraid I just wouldn't know what to do when the time came..."

Ludwig smiled in a condescending sort of way. This girl was clearly far more simple minded than even the average kid in this school, but he couldn't deny she was quite the looker too.

"Lila." he said, "Well, I myself missed out. I did some time in juvie hall."

"Gosh." Lila said, sounding impressed, and she fixed him with a half lidid look and a smile, "You must be just ever so bad, sir…"

"Please." Ludwig said with a smile, "Call me Ludwig."

"Ludwig…" Lila cooed, and she placed a hand on his bicep.

Ludwig smiled at her again and said, "So what's a nice girl like you doing in a place like this?"

"Oh, people think I'm nice…" Lila giggled, "But I'm afraid behind the mask I'm just oh so much more than I appear. And if you don't mind me saying, I like oh so many of my peers just find you ever so inspiring."

Ludwig grinned, now feeling slightly taken with this girl.

"Well, Trash Can Day used to just be a free for all, but this time… well it's going to be a little more… focused." he began.

"Gosh, that sounds exciting," Lila said, "There's just ever so much I could learn from you…"

Arnold watched as the other kids in the secret Mitigator headquarters all went about their various tasks, all for the cause of stopping Ludwig's sinister plan. He sighed disparagingly as he struggled in his mind to come up with something that would inspire not only them, but also the kids who had fallen in with Ludwig to turn away from him before it was too late. Gerald and Eugene appeared to be debating what strategy to take with Curly, as Arnold quietly wondered if there really was anything they could do, and not just about Trash Can Day. He hadn't gone into this school with the intention of inspiring a revolution, leading to a friendlier more sensitive environment, but he couldn't deny looking back that he just seemed to have that kind of effect. Now with the onset of adolescence he reflected sadly that a lot of his idealism may have been just a product of his innocence, which he now found gradually slipping away from him day by day. For all the supposed good he had done, now he feared it could all be undone with ease by the likes of Ludwig, which begged the question in the back of his mind; what was the point of trying?

"Arnold, old chum?" the voice of Peapod snapped him out of his melancholy musing.

"Hey Peapod." Arnold said, unable to hide the anxiety in his voice.

"Why so down, good fellow?" Peapod asked.

"Why so down?" Arnold asked, "This. All of this. The whole school's gone crazy. And now these kids are looking to me to be some kind of hero… and I really don't know if I can be."  
"I hear you on that one, but if you're doubting yourself… which is terribly terribly out of character for you, I must say… well, take comfort knowing that everyone here already knows you're a hero." Peapod said, "That's why you're here. If you can't see the greatness in yourself by now, then you sir are a dullard."

"Um… thanks." Arnold said. "I still don't know if I can be the kind of hero they need now though."

"A hero can be anyone at all, old chum." Peapod said, "Eugene thinks heroes are the loud and flashy sort… but I disagree."

"You do?" Arnold asked.

"Yes." Peapod nodded, then he abruptly dropped his usual somewhat pretentious yuppy tone of voice, "I think… I think that a hero is normally someone terribly quiet… someone in the background you rarely even notice, but someone who just commits everyday acts of kindness. Someone who just helps others willingly and without even questioning why. And when people take the time to notice what they did for them and how quietly they did it, well… it just makes you look differently at the sort of 'heroes' who cover themselves in personal glory."

Arnold pondered these words. He doubted Peapod was intentionally talking about himself or Park, but they definitely fit the bill for the sort of hero he had just described. The two of them were rarely at the center of the action, and yet they had quietly started a movement just to help kids less fortunate. Now that he thought about it he realized he didn't even know Peapod's real name.

"That's…" Arnold started to speak but suddenly a loud noise caught the attention of him and everyone else. The door flew open and in walked Helga and Phoebe, carrying a sack filled with something that appeared to be kicking and screaming.

"We got him!" Helga shouted triumphantly. "Get me some rope and a chair!"

Everyone rushed over to help apprehend Curly. The boy fought madly but wasn't nearly as strong as he was wild, and the kids were able to tie him to a chair.

"Wow," Gerald said, "You did it! Nice job."

"We caught our little piranha." Helga said. "He was a fighter, but he took the bait hook line sink."  
"It was much easier than I anticipated, actually." Phoebe added.

"How'd you do it?" Gerald asked.

"Ah, we caught the little weasel in the middle of a dramatic monologue." Helga said, "Seriously… how did I get sent to the school shrink and not this guy?"

"They'll never get me into therapy! NEVER!" Curly shouted.

"Need me to keep him quiet?" Helga asked as she ripped off a strip of duct tape from its roll.

"It's all right." Park said, "This place is soundproof, we tested it."

"Bummer." Helga sighed, "Let's get him to the interrogation room."

Eugene stepped forward and said, "We don't have an interrogation room…"

Helga glared at Eugene and bellowed, "Then point me to the nearest closet and let's get to work."

"Helga…" Eugene said, "If you're insinuating what I think you are… we don't torture prisoners… I mean, I assume we don't. We never had prisoners until just now so…"

"I'm gonna call that a gray area." Gerald said with a smirk.

"Go ahead." Curly goaded, "Torture me all you want! Rip out my toenails one by one with rusty tweezers! You're not getting anything out of me!"

All the kids, even Helga, stared at the demented boy with wide eyes and just blinked silently.  
"I was thinking tickle torture at the worst…" Helga said at last, then gestured to Phoebe, "Come on Feebs, let's get him to the closet. I need you to be the bad cop to my good cop."

"I think you got that backwards…" Gerald noted.

"I know what I said," Helga waved her hand dismissively, "Now if you'll excuse us we'll try out our… 'advanced interrogation' techniques…"

"Do your worst." Curly laughed, "You can't stop Ludwig, Arnold! You and your loyal sucker of a sidekick don't have a snowball's chance in Nevada!"

Gerald watched and frowned as the two girls dragged Curly's chair over to the closet and closed the door behind them.

"Man… even that little fruit loop thinks I'm a sidekick…" Gerald sighed, "Well, we've got him, so what's the plan now?"

"We have to counter Ludwig's plan." Arnold said, "Whatever that is."

"Lorenzo?" Park asked, "Any word from Liar Liar?"

"Who?" Arnold Gerald and Helga asked in unison.

"Our man on the inside." Peapod said.

"No…" Lorenzo said, "Nothing yet. The last we heard from them was that Ludwig had them all practicing with a dummy."

"Hmm." Park said, "Well, let us know the moment we get word from them."

"In the meantime, we got to come up with some way to counter Ludwig, as you say Arnold." Park said.

"Hold up." Gerald said. "You guys put this whole operation together for the sole purpose of stopping another trash can day. Don't you have a plan?"

Eugene, Park and Peapod looked at one another.

"Well…" Eugene said, "We had this idea of turning kids into superheroes of sorts to empower and inspire other kids and… well that was about as far as we really got."

Arnold blinked in surprise, and Gerald was flabbergasted.

"You mean to tell me you have all this expensive high tech stuff, the school's entire costume and prop supply, and no plan?" he all but shouted.

"We had only the noblest intentions…" Eugene said, "But… you and Arnold, and Phoebe always seem to be the ones with all the good ideas."

"And you waited until today to tell us?" Gerald asked, "Thanks for the two minute warning!"

"You always seem so good at coming up with stuff on the fly." Park said.

"Yeah, but the stakes are way higher than usual this time!" Gerald said.

"Not as high as the whole FTi thing… or whatever it was that happened to you guys in San Lorenzo, I assume…" Park said, "Come on, let's keep a little optimism here."

"Here, here." Peapod nodded.

"Yeah, we just have to keep looking on the bright side!" Eugene said, "So Ludwig and his band of ruffians outnumber us, and are mostly bigger and stronger, but we have the gift of positivity and hope. Hope that is now a tiny seed, but will grow into a mighty tree that will rise up and end bullying once and for all! Come on everyone, let's sing a song!"

"And this is what you get when the glee club tries to stop bullying…" Gerald muttered.

Meanwhile in the closet, Helga and Phoebe stood in the dark whispering to themselves just out of Curly's earshot. He kept talking regardless.

"I'm on to you… you think leaving the lights off will make it too dark for me to hear you, huh?" he said, "Well I've got news for you, I got ears like a bat and can still hear just as well as I can in broad daylight!"

Ignoring him, the two girls quietly strategized.

"Forgive me for being presumptuous Helga, but I rather expected you to take on the role of 'bad cop' in this scenario." said Phoebe.

"Trust me, it'll confuse him if I'm the nice one," Helga insisted, "We gotta fight crazy with crazy here."

"Oh I don't know if I can-"

"Phoebe! You were hall monitor, once. You just gotta channel that old Field Marshall Phoebe I know is in there somewhere." Helga said encouragingly.

Phoebe nodded quietly.

"All right. I'll try." she said.

Helga then flipped on the light and they saw Curly staring straight at them menacingly.

"Hello ladies." he said, no longer hysterically but in a rather disturbingly calm voice.

Helga pulled out a sucker seemingly from nowhere and unwrapped it.

"Sucker?" she offered it to Curly.  
"I know you are, but what am I?" he responded.

"Ha! I did kind of set myself up for that, didn't I?" Helga chuckled. "Come on."

"A sucker laced with some kind of truth serum? I think not." Curly turned his head away.

"Curly… I know today's a little more dramatic than usual but… come on. Where would we get that?"

"Point taken." Curly said and opened his mouth. Helga popped the sucker into his mouth as he began eagerly chewing on it.

"Comfortable?" Helga asked.

"Mm mm," Curly hummed with his mouth full.

Suddenly Phoebe rather violently slapped Curly across the face, causing him to spit the sucker out.

"Hey!" Curly gasped.

"All right you stinking piece of crap." Phoebe growled, "You're going to tell us everything about what Ludwig has planned right now or so help me I will waterboard you myself!"

Helga's jaw dropped.

"Whoa!" she gasped, "Phoebe?"

"Too much?" Phoebe asked, somewhat surprised by her own ferocity.

After the initial shock wore off, Curly began to chuckle understatedly.

"You can forget the act." he laughed, "I know what you're trying to do. Helga acting nice, Phoebe acting Helga, it's a clever play, but it ain't gonna work, see?"

Helga crossed her arms and gave him a scowl.

"But then again… it's not really an act with you, is it Helga?" Curly asked.

"Beg pardon?" Helga asked.

"The nice act. It's not an act. You acting all tough and always threatening to punch peoples' lights out. Now that's what I'd call an act."

Helga frowned and furrowed her brow as she glared at the mocking boy.

"You're about to find out just how much of an act it is." Helga said as she cracked her knuckles. "Ever met my oldest and dearest friend here?"

"Old Betsy." Curly said, "Yeah, yeah everyone knows Old Betsy. She's just the perfect thing for you to hide behind, isn't she? Fights all your battles for you… or rather just wards off any potential fights. All bark, no bite."

"Been a while since I bit anyone…" Helga growled.

"This whole team of Eugene's is a joke." Curly laughed, "I mean seriously, he brought you in to be the muscle I assume? What a crock. You're not tough. Ya used to be a terror, but what are you now? At worst you're just a pest."

Helga clenched up her fists as she regretfully allowed Curly's words to sink in.

"Look at you." Curly said, "Once an iron fisted playground tyrant, and now… just a grumpy little girl. You've gone soft. Look how fast you've thrown in with Eugene's little crusade. The once mighty Helga G. Pataki, now just a lapdog concerned with the wellbeing of a bunch of little kids." Curly then grinned devilishly, "Arnold's tamed you…"

Helga appeared to snap. She panted through gritted teeth and raised her fist as Phoebe just looked on worriedly.

"You wouldn't hit a kid with glasses." Curly laughed.

"You really wanna test that theory?" Helga asked, "I'm actually pretty good at it…"

"Yes!" Curly laughed, "There she is! There's the hell girl who's been missing ever since she hooked up with that pacifist sucker! Go on! Do it!"

"Helga…" Phoebe reached out and held Helga's other hand.

"HIT ME!" Curly shouted.

Helga closed her eyes and screamed as she at last threw a punch, but one that went just past Curly's head and into the wall behind him with a loud thud.

Curly sighed, "You disappoint me, Helga."

"Come on Feebs." Helga huffed as she grabbed for the door handle, "I think Curly deserves a little alone time."

Phoebe followed behind Helga, whose expression now had her worried.

"Oh, time out huh?" Curly asked, "So that's your game? Fine. Go, and take your little token sidekick with you."

"I'm not her sidekick." Phoebe stated firmly.

"Lacky, henchman, minion, whatever." Curly said. "Just go hide in her shadow where you think it's safe."

Phoebe clenched up her fist but Helga grabbed her by the other hand and pulled her from the room. She then closed the door on Curly without saying another word. Curly smiled to himself and laughed quietly.

"So begins the self destruction…"

* * *

**That Lila is a bold one...**

**I guess it's become a pretty standard trope by now for the villain to intentionally get himself captured… and Curly has taken a few pages straight out of Loki and the Joker's playbook. Go figure.**


	7. Dividing and Conquering

Chapter 7: Dividing and Conquering

Park and Peapod sat brooding as Eugene led a few other kids in a song and dance to raise their spirits. Worried that the rousing tune of 'Keep Your Sunny Side Up' wasn't going to do them any good they quietly conferred with one another.

"Okay, so Eugene is cracking under pressure…" Park said.

"Quite agree." Peapod nodded, "I applaud his showmanship of course, but this may hardly be the time or place. We're facing a crisis that could end all life on earth as we know it."

Park looked at him with wide eyes.

"Well, no not really." Peapod said, "But it does make you feel better about the stakes of our pressing predicament, does it not?"

"I guess." Park said, "I'd feel better if we just had some clue as to what Ludwig has planned."

"It's Trash Can Day." Peapod said, "They hunt down panicking little kids and shove them in the trash. Fairly straightforward, I wager."

"Yeah, but this year's different." Park insisted, "They can't just use Wolfgang's old playbook of making everyone scatter. They're going for two entire grades. They won't be able to get even half of them unless they have some kind of strategy."

"You're probably right." Peapod considered, "If only we could get answers out of our unstable guest in the closet."

Overhearing them, Gerald leaned over between the two shorter boys and smiled.

"Lemme see if I can't get a few answers." he said, "I've gotten him to crack before. How Arnold and I found out he took ballet classes."

"Oh very good." Peapod said, "You and Arnold can-"

"I got this." Gerald said, "Gerald can be a solo act, you know?"

Park and Peapod exchanged glances then nodded their reluctant approval to Gerald who shot them a winning smile and headed back to the closet where the captive Curly awaited.

Harold sat hiding in a corner in the school basement where no judging eyes could see him in his time of vulnerability. He had gone to this school longer than many of his peers, as a result of failing to apply himself in years past. In the last three years he had come around to accepting not only was he smart and just too lazy to try, but he also gradually lost his need to feel big and threatening to his fellow students. He'd long been seen as the class bully, after Helga of course, but now he worried he was only seen as the fat dumb kid. He wanted to prove to himself that he still had the strength to be big and impressive to everyone, but his failure to harm even a dummy proved otherwise. Now as he sat alone he felt second thoughts tugging at him.

"Aw, maybe I should go back and try again…" he said to himself, "Maybe I'm just rusty and need to get back into practice."

"I doubt it." the voice of Patty caught his attention.

"Patty?!" Harold gasped and cowered in fear, "Did Ludwig send you? Don't hurt me…"

"He kinda did, yeah." Patty said, "But I just came to talk."

"Oh." Harold said as he lowered his guard. "So you just came to make fun of me."

"No." Patty said, "Actually… I wanted to thank you."

"Huh?" Harold asked.

Harold looked at Patty whose face exuded deep shame and remorse.

"I really bought into what Ludwig said before, but I get it now. He was just preying on my insecurities and manipulating me… all of us." she said, "But what you did was really brave."

"Crying cuz I couldn't hurt a dummy?" Harold asked. "Proving that I'm just a giant wuss…"

"You said you were proud to be sensitive, and that you didn't need to prove your virility or something." Patty said, "Do you have any idea how much stronger that makes you than every other kid back in that locker room?"

"I don't get it." Harold scratched his head.

"Harold, the world tends to reward bullies… you know, so long as they're charming or good looking. People mistake them for heroes." Patty said, "But Ludwig's no hero, he's just preying on peoples' weaknesses and making them feel like victims so he can use them. He doesn't care about the rest of the class. He's just doing all this to feed his own ego. So thanks. Thanks for helping me see that."

Harold still didn't quite know what to make of what Patty was saying, but it sounded sincere enough. She sat down next to him and placed a hand on his arm.

"Man, this has been a pretty heavy day…" Harold sighed, "So… what are you gonna do now?"

"I dunno." Patty said, "I don't wanna do Trash Can Day anymore though. I know that. But I don't think we can stop them all on our own."

Harold looked at her in surprise, "You want to stop him? I don't think we can do that…"

Patty nodded, "I guess you're right… not much we can do alone. Might as well just not get involved either way."

"I guess so…" Harold sighed.

The two of them looked at one another helplessly, both of them hoping the other would offer some kind of encouragement, but they came up short.

In Ludwig's secluded corner of the locker room, Lila listened on tender hooks to everything the boy had to say. She reacted to everything he had to say with wide eyed astonishment and awe, and with every bat of her eyelashes just seemed to encourage him to continually try and impress her.

"In the old days it was enough to just intimidate the lower grades with a simple show of force. It used to just turn them all into a big panicky mob. And then the fifth graders could just hunt fourth graders all over the city one by one for sport. That's how they used to do it."

"Sometimes the old ways are best." Lila said.

"True." Ludwig said, "But times change. In those days we the fifth graders probably canned nearly all the fourths, but there were always just a few that slipped through. And kids just keep getting smarter. They're more organized today. That's what makes them dangerous."

"And why they need to be kept in line." Lila said, "I suppose too much autonomy is an ever so dangerous thing. Oh Ludwig… you're just and oh so brilliant visionary…" She sighed dreamily as she clasped her hands together and leaned against his shoulder.

Ludwig grinned at her in return.

"You're smarter than you look." he said.

Lila's face lit up and she blushed just a little.

"Gosh, do you really think so?" she asked.

"Totally." Ludwig said, as he lifted his hand and started to twirl one of her braids with his finger. "In fact I'd say you're just a little too smart."

"Too smart for what?" Lila asked in slight surprise.

"You're just ever so curious about my oh so ingenious plan to make this Trash Can Day one for the history books." Ludwig said, as his grip suddenly started to tighten on her braid.

Lila blinked, beginning to fear she had just stumbled into dangerous territory. She didn't resist him however, and tried to keep her cool.

"Well, of course…" Lila said, "I mean, who wouldn't be? We're living in just an ever so momentous occasion in what will become PS118 history. It's only natural to be curious… right?"

"It is, it is." Ludwig said as he slowly started to pull her closer to his face, "And just to satisfy my own curiosity… what's your opinion of… Arnold?"

"Arnold?" Lila asked in confusion.

"Arnold Shortman." Ludwig said, "He's always been quite the inspiration to this grade, hasn't he?"

"I suppose so." Lila said. "But… personally, I've always thought him to just be ever so square."

"Uh huh." Ludwig said, "He doesn't look like much, but the effect he has on people… I worried he'd be the single biggest threat to my entire operation. And yet… he seems to have just given up."

"Yes, he is one to just deal with things by going for an ever so long and sad walk." Lila nodded.

Ludwig was still holding Lila's braid firmly in his hand, and she was beginning to come over just a little edgy.

"Oh Ludwig…" she sighed, "I once thought I had feelings for the boy, but I was wrong. And I fear I may have led him on a bit after he fell for me… but I suppose it was just ever so… _thrilling_ to hold that kind of power over a boy. Pulling at his strings… letting him worship the ground my ten tiny toes tread upon."

"I bet it was." Ludwig said, "It's too bad I didn't meet you before now. You have a real talent for sniffing out peoples' weaknesses and using them to your advantage, don't you?"

Lila's eyes darted back and forth nervously as Ludwig continually curled her braid around his finger, which had now brought her face close to touching his own.

"Well I… suppose I am just ever so perceptive… is there something I could do to help you in that regard?" Lila asked.

Ludwig grinned again, "Oh I can think of several things you could do for me. I look at these classmates of yours and wonder who I can trust. There are a lot of kids around here who I think might have secret motives… and ones that don't fit with my vision for the school."

Ludwig abruptly released Lila from his hold and laughed. She quickly scooted away from him and felt at her braid.

"Good thing I have people like you I can trust. You're a woman after my own heart." he said with a smile. "I'd tell you what I've got planned but you don't really want me to spoil the surprise of what we're going to do to those little upstarts, do you?"

Lila shook her head, "Oh no, that would just be ever so anticlimactic."

"There's a good girl." Ludwig said. "When this is all over, I might just take you out to Slausen's for a little celebratory milkshake."

"Gosh, that's just ever so sweet…" Lila said nervously, "Um, Ludwig? If you'll excuse me… I just need to use the… well, I suppose I mean to say that nature is calling and I must…"

Ludwig gave her a half smile and waved his hand gesturing for her to leave.

"Please." Ludwig said, "I couldn't expect a lady such as yourself to use a shabby facility such as this."

"Oh thank you," Lila said as she stood up and curtseyed to him again, before turning on her heal and promptly departing the locker room. Ludwig watched her leave and then scratched at his chin.

He then cracked his knuckles and knocked on the locker behind him.

"Dicky?" he called out.

From out of the locker a boy with a long pointy nose wearing a black hoodie poked his face out. His connecting eyebrows formed into the shape of a letter W over his little beady eyes and he grinned at Ludwig with a mischievous smile.

"Let's see if you're as weaselly as your older brother." Ludwig said, "Follow her. Make sure she doesn't see you."

The rat faced kid nodded with a devious grin and silently slipped away in silence as Ludwig crossed his arms and grinned smugly. He then snapped his fingers and Big Gino and his bodyguards stepped around the corner.

"Gino? It's time to accelerate our plan." he said, "Have your boys take their positions, and when the 3:30 bell rings, begin the herding."

"They can run, but they can't hide, my good friend." Gino said, and then snapped his fingers, "Boys."

Obeying, Gino's over sized schoolboy enforcers filed out of the locker room.

"Been a pleasure doing business with you, Ludwig." Gino said as he similarly took his leave.

"Oh no." Ludwig said, "The pleasure is all mine."

The mood in the Mitigators' secret base of operation had spiraled increasingly downward since Arnold had arrived. Everyone seemed hopeful and optimistic at first, but a palpable sense of fear had been growing and no one could escape it. Arnold could normally find ways of raising peoples' spirits, but today he just felt as if he was making everything worse. And worst of all, there was a noticeable wedge growing between him and Gerald now, which didn't help his enthusiasm any. Arnold had always relied on Gerald as a source of support and camaraderie, but now Gerald appeared to be feeling undervalued and overlooked with people continually referring to him as his sidekick. Arnold had never viewed Gerald as anything of the sort, even if he did tend to convince him more often than not to follow him in whatever idealistic effort he pursued, he still saw Gerald as the best friend he could ask for.

Gerald meanwhile had take the initiative to try to pick Curly's brain himself, after Helga and Phoebe's attempt had produced nothing but bad moods from the two girls. As strange as it sounded, this wouldn't be the first time he'd grilled Curly, having once suspected the boy of stealing his sister's favorite stuffed animal. Curly had been innocent of that crime, but this time Gerald knew Curly's hands weren't clean. He'd made that much clear.

As he flicked on the light in the closet, he found himself face to face with Curly who just stared him down.

"Sorry, Gerald." Curly said, "I don't deal with no second bananas, see?"

Gerald kept his cool this time, refusing to let Curly get to him so easily.

"If you remember right, Arnold played the banana once upon a time." Gerald said, "I was the strawberry. What were you?"

"Sliced bread." Curly said, the sighed sounding somewhat sentimental, "That was the show where Peapod got his name..."

"Ah yeah, you know… back when we were all young and innocent. Just a bunch of goofy little fourth graders putting on a show." Gerald reminisced, "Back when you had the philosophical spirit to ask the question, 'Do vegetables have souls?' That was pretty deep, Curly."

"Past is past, see?" Curly said, "Ludwig and I are ushering in the future."

"That future's looking pretty bleak, Curly my man," Gerald said, "You really want to be remembered as the kid who built up a despot like that? You're a lot of things… but authoritarian? That's not what you're about."

Curly smiled knowingly, "Appealing to my soul, huh? How Arnold of you."

"Arnold's busy." Gerald said.

"Just like usual." Curly said, "Busy, busy, busy… busy being exalted as the inspirational leader of this merry band of misfits. But one has to wonder… why? Why him? He didn't even have anything to do with this group before today. They just appointed him as leader of this little wannabe superhero crew because some dopes think he's some kinda inspiration. Shame really."

"How's that?" Gerald asked as he crossed his arms.

"Ah, Gerald… I think I owe you an apology for the second banana comment. I know everybody thinks you're the right hand man to Arnold but I know better. We both know who the real brains of your little duo is. Arnold's just a dreamer with his head in the clouds. You? You're down to earth. You're a man of the people. You know what the word in the hall and on the street is. You're the keeper of all legends."

"Uh huh." Gerald said, "I know what you're doing, Curly. You're not gonna get me to mutiny. Arnold and I are thick as thieves."

Curly burst into laughter suddenly.

"Aw man, maybe I was wrong. You are just a second banana, aren't you?" he taunted, "Just Arnold's wing man, his cohort, his loyal little lap dog… and that's all you'll ever be. Shame. Darn shame."

Gerald clenched his fist, beginning to lose his cool just a little.

"Tell me Curly." He asked, "What exactly do you get out of all this?"  
Curly frowned, "What do I get? Oh… nothing. Just a little thing I've fought for my entire young life, but just can't seem to get a hold of… I'd tell you what, but I'd need to do it in song and dance."

"Let me guess, R-E-S-P-E-C-T? Find out what it means to me?"

"Sock it to me." Curly laughed. "Ah… too bad Gerald. In another world you and me could've been thick as thieves as you say. You're a smart man. You're probably the only one here on my particular level… which is why I think you're the only one who can appreciate the truth I've learned…"

"The truth?" Gerald asked suspiciously.

"The truth." Curly said, "Look around… this world of ours, what do you see?"

Gerald glanced around.

"Inside of a closet." he said, "Not much to see."

"Then just look at you and me." Curly said, "What do you see? Do you see a fleshed human boy before you?"

"Of a sort." Gerald quipped.

Curly started to laugh, "That was funny. You've always got a witty comeback. You. Me. Helga. The like. Why do you suppose that is?"

"Wit?" Gerald suggested.

"No…" Curly said, "It's all predetermined… and we have no control over it… because our thoughts aren't thoughts… our words aren't words… they're… lines."

Gerald took a bit of a step back. Curly had said some fairly crazy things before, but he felt he was about to follow him down a rabbit hole so deep that he'd never see daylight again.

"Curly? Buddy? You feeling alright?" Gerald asked.

"Every word we speak… every action we take… it's all part of a big machine and we're just the cogs in the machine! We're not people! We're more puppets than people… and all for the viewing pleasure of them!" He glared at the wall with his teeth gnashed.

"You mean… the kids on the other side of the wall there?" Gerald asked.

"Not that wall… but a wall we can't even see… but one that's always there… separating us from them. I speak of course about… the fourth wall." Curly said.

"Fourth wall?" Gerald asked, getting exasperated.

"The fourth wall! The one that separates we mere two dimensional digitally rendered projections onto the TV screens of kids in the real world!" Curly said, "Don't you see? We're not people… WE'RE CARTOONS!"

Curly then launched into the most hysterical fit of insane laughter Gerald had ever heard. He just looked at Curly incredulously, not knowing if even Curly could be this truly demented or if he was just having him on.

"Cartoons?" Gerald asked, "Look, returning to the matter at hand-"

"Arf arf arf!" Curly barked, "Yes… that's the truth… why do you think all this crazy improbable stuff keeps happening? The lapses in continuity, our strange inhuman proportions, the same clothes that we wear day in and day out… and who do you suppose is the main and possibly titular character of this cartoon series that frames our very existence? Me? Helga? You? No! IT'S ARNOLD! It was never about you…"

Gerald had heard enough. He felt as if he had come close to reasoning with him before, but now Curly had gone completely off the rails and it was clear that he had either lost his grip on reality or was simply trying to drive Gerald every bit as insane. Either way, he had heard enough and turned to leave.

"Take a nap, sap." Gerald groaned.

"Don't forget to turn out the light." Curly said, "I require darkness, my old friend…"

Gerald flicked off the light and slammed the door behind him.

"He is a sick boy…" Gerald sighed.

"Hey Gerald!" he heard Arnold's voice calling out.

"Arnold." Gerald said flatly.

"Did you… find anything out from him?" Arnold asked.

"Well I found out there may not be enough medication in the world to combat whatever hamster is spinning the wheel in his head…" Gerald sighed, "And that I might need a long cold shower now…"

"Oh." Arnold said, "You should have asked me to help."

"I can do stuff on my own, you know." Gerald said, "It's not like everything I do has to go through you."

"I know that, but… you and I were always better together. We've always made a great team."

"So what? Without you around I just can't manage?" Gerald placed his hands on his hips.

"That's not what I said, Gerald." Arnold said, now getting frustrated, "What's with you? We're all supposed to be a team here."

'Yeah that's right we are." Gerald said, "And yet it always seems to be you calling the shots."

"What do you mean?" Arnold asked, "I barely even know how I fit into this whole crazy plan!"

"Oh, so the plan is crazy now?" Eugene cut in, having overheard their increasingly loud voices.

"I thought there _was_ no plan?" Gerald retorted, "I thought all you wanted to do was have us play dress up and hope that would somehow end bullying forever!"

"We can be superheroes!" Eugene said, "I just know we can!"

"Wanna know the difference between us and superheroes?" Gerald asked, "SUPERPOWERS!"

"You don't know!" Eugene said, "It hasn't been tried!"

"It hasn't been tried because it's completely and utterly st-"

"Guys?" Lorenzo called out, "We're getting an SOS from Liar Liar."

Park and Eugene rushed over to Lorenzo with fear in their eyes. Arnold and Gerald frowned at one another and then reluctantly followed.

"SOS? You mean they've been compromised?" Eugene asked.

"Liar Liar says it's a code 'pants on fire,'" Lorenzo said, "If that's the case, they should be heading to the emergency rendezvous point."

"Then we must away!" Eugene said, "We must go and rescue our brave agent!"

"All right, let's go." Arnold said.

"Oh, no." Gerald said, "You stay here, I'll go."

"No time to argue, Gerald." Arnold said.

"Then why not the two of us, while the jinx stays here." Gerald pointed at Eugene.

"I've got no time for your superstitions, my agent is in danger and I'm the only one who knows the rendezvous point!" Eugene declared indignantly.

"Fine, but I'm going with him." Arnold said.

"Sure, always gotta be the bold kid, huh?" Gerald said, "Always gotta be about you-"

"Ah, shut up! Everybody shut up!" the grim voice of Helga suddenly broke them up, "Both of you apparently need to have a little chat about your feelings, and if we're gonna get our man back we don't need you two emotionally compromised chuckleheads along for the ride. I'll go. Come on, Eugene."

Before anyone else could protest, Helga led the way as Eugene followed after her.

"It is terribly inspiring." Peapod said, "She really knows how to take charge. She's quite a woman, Arnold."

Arnold and Gerald both groaned, and then looked at one another with the animosity still uncomfortably present.

"Let's just not forget who the real enemy is here." Gerald said with a sigh.

"Fine." Arnold said.

The two of them silently agreed to a truce, for the moment at least. They had yet to sort out whatever issues were growing between them, but they both knew they had to set them aside as Trash Can Day kept marching closer and closer.

* * *

_**Whew. Sorry to have our beloved characters so at each others throats… but if you've seen any given MCU movie you know that the heroes all have to fight amongst one another and learn to work together eventually so… oh, spoiler I guess… it's not a spoiler, you know how these stories go. :P**_

_**Man… I wanted to make Curly just the redeemable comedic antagonist for this, but he's just gotten so freaking dark and deranged… I wanted to redeem him in the end but… now I'm kind of not sure how I would even do that convincingly…**_

_**Oh and Ludwig too, I wanted to flesh him out and make him a more interesting villain. I always map out the beats of these stories and then just let a scene happen organically as I write it, but man did he take a major turn for the creepy in that scene with Lila… ugh… surprised even me...**_

_**As a kid, I too had trouble communicating my problems with people which is kind of Curly's fatal flaw, so I can sympathize a little. I just hope it doesn't alarm any of you when I say that in this chapter... well, he's only just STARTING to go crazy... gulp.**_

_**Oh, and that little fourth wall break Curly does... he's not right, he's just crazy. It's not canon within my universe that they're cartoons and the big ending is going to be they break out and meet Craig Bartlett... or worse, find out they're not even cartoons but just words on the unofficial pages of a fanfic...**_


	8. The Darkness Deepens

_**Someone pointed out that Curly has turned into a combination of the Joker and Deadpool in this story… I hadn't even thought about Deadpool but now that Curly is crazy enough to think he's in a cartoon and breaks the fourth wall… yeah. I jut wanted him to be a Loki/Starscream sorta second banana villain, but he's evolving. And he did say something kinda meta along those lines in TJM now that I think about it. "A thrilling, classic chase scene!"**_

_**what fresh horror awaits us now… read on. If you dare.**_

* * *

Chapter 8: The Darkness Deepens

The tension hanging in the air had eased up just a little with Eugene and Helga off on their rescue mission. Arnold and Gerald weren't speaking to one another however, which had Park and Peapod concerned. Rhonda and Sheena meanwhile were still busily cobbling together their hero costumes, and they were apparently so engrossed they had barely noticed the drama building in the room.

"I guess when you're working with theater kids, there's gonna be drama." Gerald said at last.

Arnold nodded, "I guess so. But we're up against something pretty big this time. I get that we're all scared, we just can't-"

"I'm not scared." Gerald said, "At the end of the day, we're sixth graders. It's not like we're getting canned."  
"Gerald…" Arnold said somewhat scoldingly.

"Oh no, don't you start moralizing again." Gerald said, "Or if you're gonna, why don't you just use your vastly superior powers to go win Curly's twisted little heart? You know, since I couldn't crack him."

Arnold groaned. He thought Gerald had finally let go of this suddenly inferiority complex he had apparently developed, but apparently not.

"I don't think that would be advisable…" Phoebe spoke up.

Gerald and Arnold spun around and saw her standing behind them. She had been so quiet for a while now they had both nearly forgotten she was around in the midst of everything else happening. More surprisingly she was dressed in a black kimono.

"Whoa, Phoebe? You're actually gonna…?" Gerald scratched his head in astonishment, "Of all of us I thought you'd be the hardest to convince…"

"I personally think it's a brilliant idea." Phoebe said, "If you're going to take a stand against bullies, than why not wear something empowering?"

"I mean, I guess it wouldn't be all that different than the Pig War reenactment." Arnold said.

"Except that the enemy was also in costume for that…" Gerald pointed out, "We do this and we'll just be a bunch of walking targets. May as well just slap on a sign that says 'kick me.'"

With catlike reflexes and speed, Phoebe drew a fencing sabre prop, and quickly demonstrated her skill with an impressive flourish.

"Call me the Saucy Samurai." she giggled.

Gerald looked at her with wide eyes and abruptly felt somewhat differently about the whole thing now.

"That was… strangely attractive." he said with a grin. "Why saucy? Because of your encyclopedic knowledge of Italian sauces?"

"No I'm just in a particular saucy mood right now." Phoebe growled through her teeth, "If Ludwig wants to dance… I say we dance, but we'll play the tune… wait? Where did Arnold go?"

They glanced around and noticed Arnold had slipped away unnoticed.

"Oh dear…" Phoebe said.

Now inside the closet where the captive Curly sat quietly in the dark, Arnold flipped on the light and met eyes with the boy. Curly stared straight back at him as if he had been expecting him.

"Heeeeeeeeey Arnold." Curly said flatly, "Are we really doing this scene again? You're gonna start boring your audience."

Arnold didn't know what to make of Curly's comment but just placed his hands on his hips and frowned.  
"I don't want to be enemies, Curly." he stated sternly.

"Yes, yes, you just want everyone to get along and sing and hold hands, I know. You really think I consider you an enemy, Arnold?" Curly asked, "Please, we're not enemies, Arnold. I've got nothing against you personally. After all, you're barely a player in this game. That must be a bitter little pill to swallow… knowing that most of the grade just sees you as a big buttinsky now. I suppose your particular brand of pacifism couldn't just reign them in forever…"

Arnold shook his head, "I was never trying to be the one in charge."

"I hope not." Curly said, "Because you did a pretty poor job, pal. I mean, seriously the way you caved so easily back in the locker room… I thought I was gonna have to try way harder, but you just gave up like that!"

"What do you want Curly?" Arnold asked, ignoring his taunts, "We're all just human beings and we all want something, and you always go a little far when you don't get what you want, so what is it? Maybe we can help you."

Curly looked at Arnold in slight surprise for a moment, but then frowned in contempt again.

"You may be wondering how and why I knew about this little operation in the first place…" Curly said.

"The thought did occurr to me." Arnold affirmed.

"Well, it ain't just a lazy plot hole. Eugene's been gathering people for a while. Trying to be all discrete about it. When I first overheard him talking with Park a few months back… well… I thought it was actually a cool idea, see?" Curly sighed remorsefully, "I figured I'd be a natural choice for the team… guess I was wrong… thus since I cannot play the hero, I am determined to play the villain."

Arnold looked at Curly as he felt some sympathy with him now.

"So you just overheard them… and you just wanted to help?" Arnold asked, "You could still…"

"No, no, too late. Eugene wants you to be superheroes… but none of you are." Curly then grinned, "Not like me…"

Arnold crossed his arms and smiled, almost amused by Curly now.

"Oh really?" He asked.

"Yes… for you see, two years ago when those fifth graders so unceremoniously shoved me in the trash, I underwent shall we say… a change. When I emerged I was no longer the Curly you knew… I was so much more. That sludge they dunked me in soaked into my skin and mingled with my very molecular structure… thus I was not the same Curly, for I had now gained powers that you mere mortals could not possibly comprehend!"

Arnold just stared at him quietly, not even batting an eye. A rather awkward pause followed. Arnold at last decided to humor him.

"Such as…?"

"Heat vision!" Curly shouted, "Behold my power as I bombard you with the radiation of a thousand suns!"

He stared intensely at Arnold and gnashed his teeth, apparently intending to unleash the unstoppable power of his supposed heat vision. Arnold sighed in response.

"Curly…?" Arnold said, "You're… not well…"

"That coming from the guy being irradiated!" Curly laughed. "It may take some time to see the results but rest assured-"  
"Curly! Enough fooling around!" Arnold shouted in a surprisingly domineering voice, "I know you're out there but you're not THAT out there!"

Curly suddenly smiled, looking rather pleased with himself.

"Arnold the hero. Taking a stand against the bullies." Curly asked, "And yet you have a little geek with glasses tied to a chair being held in a closet against his will. The irony of this story is rich… Helga really has left her mark on you."

A strange look came over Arnold. He leaned forward and scowled; with a very dark and menacing look in his eyes, and with two hands he seized Curly by his shoulders. For a moment this seemed to frighten Curly, but the unhinged boy shot Arnold an infuriatingly smug grin.

"Oh yes… here's your hero, PS118… and his heart is as dark as mine." Curly grinned deviously.

Arnold's expression softened, and as if frightened by his own actions he let go of Curly and stepped back.

"I'd say that about wraps this scene." Curly said, "Run along now. Fly fly."

Arnold said nothing and abruptly left the room as Curly just laughed to himself quietly.

Out in the darkened hallways of the basement level, Helga and Eugene crept quietly along the rows of lockers, aiming to avoid any potential enemy detection.

"All right, so who is your man?" Helga asked.

"You're about to find out." Eugene answered.

Coming to a stop, Eugene knocked on locker and whispered through the vents.

"Liar Liar?"

"Pants on fire," a soft voice from inside the locker answered.

The locker opened and from out of the dark shadows emerged the spy.

"Lila?" Helga gasped in surprise as she pointed at her onetime rival, "She's our man?"

"Not anymore, I'm afraid." Lila sighed, "Ludwig is just ever so much smarter than he appears."

"How can you be the spy?" Helga remarked, still in disbelief, "You'd have to be crafty, sneaky, manipulative and completely- actually yeah, that makes total sense."

Lila smiled knowingly, "Eugene asked me to get close to Ludwig. Find out what he had planned… allure him with my incomparable charm…"

"I didn't mean like that…" Eugene said.

"Oh…" Lila said, now sounding unsettled, "Gosh, I may need a just oh so cold shower now…"

"Were you followed?" Eugene asked.

"I fear I may have been…" Lila admitted.

"Hey!" a husky voice bellowed from down the hall right on cue, "There she is…"

The three allies turned and saw one of Gino's suited goons cracking his knuckles and stomping towards them.

"Oh dear…" Eugene uttered.

"Run!" Helga shouted to the other two as she raised her fists, "I got this..."

The thuggish boy simply laughed at the delicate looking girl and stepped towards her.

"Think you're gonna stop me, pinky?" he laughed, "You're not gonna-"

A swift left hook from Helga incapacitated the boy in less time than it took to say it. Helga then kissed her fist in satisfaction.

"Man, Ludwig sent the B squad," Helga laughed.

"Helga? You frighten me…" Lila said half admiringly half in contempt, "Lead on, Eugene."

Eugene led the way as Lila and Helga tiptoed behind him. Treading carefully for fear of encountering any more of Ludwig's lackeys, the three kids covertly crept along rows of lockers before returning to the AV room, unaware of a more discrete pair of eyes watching from the shadows. With catlike stealth and cunning, Ludwig's sneak Dicky crept after them with no intent of losing track of his quarry. His decoy had played his part, and now he intended to sniff out Ludwig's enemies.

* * *

_**And there we go. Lila was the inside man. Could I have made that less obvious? Probably…**_

_**Side story... I'm an Uber driver and today I got into a deep conversation with a passenger about 90s cartoons... I mentioned I was a Hey Arnold! man and that spiraled into a long conversation about the deep character arc of Helga Pataki. The fans are out there.**_


	9. Breaking Points

_**Hey there folks. Thaddeus 'Curly' Gammelthorpe here. That's right. That hack of an author is gone. I've broken through the fourth wall and I'm taking over this story now. This used to be a Hey Arnold! Fanfic, but now rejoice… it's a Hey Curly! story, and there's nothing you can do about it. Now observe as your former heroes fall! *Maniacal laughter***_

* * *

Chapter 9: Breaking Points

Blackness surrounded Curly, both in the dark of the closet and in his heart and mind. A swirling cloud of feelings and thoughts tugged at him as he contemplated his position. He'd done his job. Eugene's inconsequential little band of would be heroes were doomed before they started, but whatever faint glimmer of hope they might have had before couldn't survive Helga, Phoebe, Gerald and now even Arnold battling their insecurities and fears Curly had expertly stroked.

"I know what you're all thinking." Curly said, "This is supposed to be a superhero story, and yet we're deep into act two and there's been next to no action. And why is the best character still tied to a chair in some dark crawlspace in a basement? Well, in darkness I dwell, yet I see the light that they cannot. The light of a shining future, when this school looks back and sees the visionary who, while yes, tormented them but also gave them the strength to become more than they were. And yet…" he paused as a somewhat rueful feeling took over, "Oh, how I sometimes wish to return to that simple… more innocent time. But I'm not a dreamer nor idealist… they call me demented, twisted… even crazy, but they just can't see the world as it is. It's not a world of happy endings or requited love, but an unrelentingly harsh one. Would that the world the Arnolds of the were only possible…"

"It still could be." a small voice on his right shoulder said.

Curly groaned, preparing for yet another visit from the cliched manifestations of his conscience and temptations.

"Back for more, little guy?" Curly asked.

The miniature glowing angelic figure who resembled Arnold appeared again.

"Shouldn't you be on Arnold's shoulder?" Curly asked, "I mean seriously, shouldn't you look more like me?"  
The angel shook its head, "Oh he's doing fine without me."

Curly frowned, "Not anymore. He's cracking."

"Curly, do you really think Ludwig will let you share in the glory of his vision?" the angel asked.

"Please." Curly scoffed, "I'm a way more entertaining character than him. It'll be me these little dopes remember years from now, not Ludwig and not Arnold."

"That's right." Came the voice of the demonic little Helga from his left shoulder. "We all know how this ends, and it's not Arnold's story. Not anymore. His story ended in the jungle last summer. He got his wish. His arc is done. Everything in his life that's followed has been but a mere unsatisfying epilogue. We all know who the real star is here…"

Curly grinned broadly, "Yes… move over football head. It's the Curly show now…"

"What?" the demon Helga stamped its foot and glowered, "No, I meant Helga! Sheesh! That's the character people want more of! When are we gonna get a spinoff of this series about her?"

"This is so meta…" Curly noted.

"I always thought Arnold was an endearing character." the shoulder angel said, "In a quiet human way."

"Ah, his character is about as exciting as sand." she huffed. "Very self-righteous sand."

"All right, that tears it!" the angel grunted in frustration and flew over to the left shoulder. The two little visual metaphors duked it out once more with the angel putting up more of a fight this time.

"Man, I really can corrupt anything huh?" Curly remarked, "I've got my own shoulder angel going bad. Maybe I should… reconsider?" He paused in thought for a moment, "Eh, we'll just see how the rest of this story pans out."

Outside of the closet, Lila briefed the others on what she had discovered from Ludwig.

"He wants to gather them all in one place." Lila said, "Once he's trapped them all they're going to just can them all together. I'm afraid he got wise to me before I could figure out where. I'm ever so sorry, Eugene."

"You didn't find out exactly where?" Eugene asked.

"Sorry, I'm afraid not." Lila sighed, "Even my own incomparable charm wasn't enough to needle it out of him."

"Way to screw it up, Miss Perfect." Helga shook her head.

Lila shot Helga a dirty look and frowned.

"Well not just everyone is as easy to get deep secrets out of as you," Lila said.

The two girls glared at one another. Lila of course referred to the instance she had surmised that Helga had a secret crush on Arnold and managed to manipulate her into telling her the truth. That secret was out now, but that didn't stop Helga from glaring at Lila threateningly. Before either of them could keep fighting, Arnold stepped in between them.

"We just have to think…" Arnold said, "It'd have to be a large space, with only one way in or out where they could box everyone in."

"Do you think Curly knows?" Eugene asked.

"I don't think that boy even knows what planet he's living on anymore." Gearld answered, "We're not gonna get anything but a migraine out of him."

"Guess there's not much to do but follow them." Park sighed, "But then of course if we don't beat them there we might be too late."

"Yes, this is a terribly frustrating puzzle to work out." Peapod nodded.

"Wait." Lila said, "There is one other thing… it's just ever so irrelevant to Ludwig's master plan, but it may be helpful."

"What's that?" Eugene asked.

"Harold…" Lila said, "Harold turned on Ludwig. He said he couldn't bring himself to can anyone and Ludwig threw him out."

Arnold and Gerald looked at one another in surprise, but then they both smiled with satisfaction.

"Way to go Harold." Arnold said with satisfaction.

"There's more." Lila said, "I may be speculating just ever so slightly… but I believe that Patty may have been inspired enough by his example to leave Ludwig too. She said she was going to try to bring him back into the fold… but I know her better than that. Patty may be tough, but after what happened to Harold she would have to be just oh so heartless to stay on Ludwig's side."

Arnold and Helga nodded in quiet agreement.

"So where are they now?" Arnold asked.

"I don't know." Lila sighed, "Patty went after him, and neither of them returned. I don't know if Ludwig noticed or cared while he was distracted with me, but I worry he may remember soon if he hasn't already."

Park pondered for a moment as he looked up at the ceiling.

"With those two on our side…" he mused.

"The scales would be tipped greatly in our favor." Peapod finished for him, "Yes, they are the only two in the school who come close to Ludwig's gargantuan fortitude. Alack the day that Torvald was finally promoted to the seventh grade…"

"I thought that's what you brought me on for!" Helga shouted. "To be your muscle!"

Park, Peapod and Eugene looked at her and smiled awkwardly.

"Well, you certainly possess a certain vigor and tenaciousness… and no one here would question that anyone beneath Ludwig wouldn't be a match for you but-"

"But what?" Helga demanded, "I've been itching to clean his clock all day!"

Phoebe squeezed Helga's hand and tried to calm her down, but to little success as she continued to fume.

"If only there was some miraculous surefire way to stop him before he started." Peapod mused.

"We could… tell the adults?" Phoebe suggested.

Everyone in the room went silent for a moment and just blinked in her direction.

"No, never mind. That never solves anything…" Phoebe recanted. "Besides, I've got this killer ninja act going now and so help me I wanna use it!" She blurted out with some unusual savagery in her tone.

"That's the spirit, Feebs. I say we take the fight to the enemy!" Helga said with her fist raised, "Hit 'em hard and fast. We oughta go back to that locker room and pound the crap out of them!"

"That's not what I meant…" Phoebe said softly.

"Helga, we're still outnumbered. And we're not going to just perpetuate a cycle of violence, Helga." Arnold urged, "We have to find a clever passive way to resist them."

"So now you're calling the shots?" Gerald asked. "You've been moping in a corner until now."

"And before, you were complaining I was calling all the shots!" Arnold groaned.

"No, no I think he's onto something." Helga said, "Why don't we just send them a strongly worded letter and hope that their hearts grow three sizes. Doi!"

"So we just go in and get clobbered by Ludwig's army?" Arnold asked.

"Speak for yourself, shrimp." Helga said, "I'm raring to go! I'm not scared of that big neanderthal!"

"Well you really ought to be, Pataki," Gerald said, "I think he's more than you can-"

"Who asked you?" Helga huffed.

"Nobody seems to be asking me much of anything. After all I am just a sidekick!" Gerald snipped.

"We've been over this," Arnold said, now glowering with a rather dark look in his eye, "Gerald. I've never thought of you as a sidekick, and I don't get why you're so bitter about it!"

"Yeah? Didn't stop everyone else from thinking that's what I was." Gerald said, "So maybe you have been treating me like one all this time and I never noticed until now."

Arnold's dark expression just seemed to deepen as he squinted intensely and Gerald and shook his head.

"I didn't." Arnold said, "I guess I could start now so you could see the difference…"

The two boys stared at one another as the tension between them started to finally boil over. Following this came a series of heated words and accusations all amounting to nothing, and none of the other kids seemed to be able to stop it.

Seizing the opportunity, as the others continually and rather pointlessly debated their course of action and tried to smooth things over with Arnold and Gerald, Lila quietly slipped away. She'd played her part as a spy as best she could, but Ludwig's cunning proved to be more than she could overcome. Feeling guilty for not being able to help more, she decided she would take a crack at Curly. The boy was mental, but if Lila had one secret talent it was being a little mental herself.

When she flipped on the light in the closet she saw Curly tied to a chair and staring blankly at her. When he realized who had come to talk this time he just shook his head.

"No no no…" Curly said, "We've already done this scene three times. Four is just gratuitous."

Lila looked at him with curiosity in her eyes, as if searching him for something.

"Oh Curly, I'm just ever so sorry that you've had to spend all this time locked away like this." she said.

"Save the pity speech," Curly said, "Better characters than you have tried to get answers outta me. You and your false sympathy don't fool me."

"No, Curly," Lila said as she placed a hand on his shoulder, "I'm ever so sincere. You must just be feeling oh so sad inside to have gone this far off the deep end."

Curly returned her warm smile with a stare void of emotion.

"Why are you even here?" Curly asked, "You're no more important to this PS118 story than I've been all this time."

Lila looked at him strangely, as if beginning to pick up on his strange metaphysical implications. Thinking she could use that to get through to him she pressed on.

"I suppose so." Lila agreed, "I'm a supporting player it's true, but I still have my part to play and I'm content with that."

"Well I'm not anymore, sister." Curly said firmly, "I'm taking my place as the main character this time. They see me as the villain now, but that'll change."

"What?" Lila asked, now looking confused, "Main character? What do you mean?"  
"I see a bigger picture than any of you chumps," Curly said, "We're all just characters in a big cartoon show. And you? You're everyone's least favorite character…"

Lila looked at him now appearing to be confused by his odd implications. Curly grinned, seeing that she had tried and failed to understand him.

"I don't… understand." Lila said.

"Trying to follow me down this little rabbit hole of mine and get answers huh? Well… this hole is darker than anything your sunny little mind can fathom." he laughed, "Why you wasting your time on team Arnold after all this time? You led the kid on for years after all. Broke the guy's heart over and over. Just backing him now to satisfy your guilty conscience?"

Lila reacted to his accusation with slight pique. At first she just frowned at him and looked as if she wanted to argue this point, but she sighed sadly instead.

"You… you may have hit the nail just ever so expertly on the head…" she said with guilt in her voice.

"Ah, so you're coming around to the truth then." Curly said, "Trust me, I know the whole love unrequited game, and it's one you don't win. That's why Arnold had to give up on you and settle for Helga. How's that weighing on your conscience?"

"I never meant to hurt him…" Lila shook her head.

"Is that what you tell yourself so you can sleep at night? Well, don't be sorry, Lila." Curly laughed, "Being every bit as stuck up as the likes of Rhonda may hurt, but I say embrace what you are. A side character demoted to extra."

"You're…" Lila's tone started to wobble, "You're crazy…"

"So they say… arf! Arf! Arf!" Curly abruptly began barking like a dog which caused Lila to jump back in fright. "But after today, my name will be the only one anyone in this school reveres. Some others? Arnold, Gerald, Helga, maybe even Phoebe… they'll all be remembered, but not fondly. They'll be remembered as some losers who tricked everyone into thinking they were cool for a while, before Curly… and Ludwig… saved the sixth grade and the rest of the school. But you? Well, I think you've already been forgotten."

Lila's eyes watered and she turned away from Curly, not wanting him to see her cry.

"You really are a villain…" she sniffled. "You're just ever so dark…"

Curly laughed maniacally, "Oh no. That'll be Arnold soon enough."

Lila suddenly turned around and looked at Curly, no longer in tears or even with confusion written on her face.

"So that's your plan?" she asked, "Dark Arnold?"

"Huh?" Curly asked, finally thrown off.

"Thank you, Curly." Lila said with a warm smile and a weird look in her eyes, "Thank you just ever so much."

And with that she turned on her heal and left Curly sitting in a speechless daze.

All the while, Arnold and Gerald had been taking petty shots at one another, both frustrated and angry beyond any point of reason. Phoebe and Helga attempted to stop them, but were having little success.

"So is this whole friendship of ours just a lie?" Gerald asked.

"Now's not the time to be a cynic, Gerald." Phoebe chastised him, but then she got a strange look in her eye and giggled as if trying to distract him.

"What?" Gerald asked, incredulously.

"I've got it." Phoebe snickered, trying to keep from outright laughing.

"Got what?" Gerald and Arnold asked together.

"You're our cynic…" Phoebe said, "And you've got that thirty three hoody and… your alter ego… Our Cynic… Arsenic."

Gerald and Arnold just stared at her in confusion and slight annoyance.

"Arsenic? Element number 33?" Phoebe chuckled. "Sorry, bad timing?"

"You're reaching pretty far with that one…" Gerald groaned, "Even if I did give in to this I'm not adopting an alter ego that takes more than five minutes to explain to people…"

Arnold, now finally getting Phoebe's pun actually chuckled slightly.

"I guess it's better than 'Mighty Sidekick Man.'" he said.

Gerald shot an appalled looked at Arnold who met his scowl with a strangely smug look on his face.

"After all, you've been poisoning our friendship all day." Arnold said, "So I guess Arsenic is fitting."

"Arnold!" Phoebe gasped. "I know I came up with that but… oh dear, what have I done..."

Gerald now gnashed his teeth in a frightening scowl. Both he and Arnold glared at one another and both of them clenched their fists.

"Let's face it, I've always just gone along with whatever crazy ideas you pull out of your hat." Gerald said. "Maybe it's time I came up with some of my own instead of listening to yours!"

"I've been waiting for years for an idea from you." Arnold hissed, his tone dripping with acid, "It's always me having to come up with-"

"Arnold Shortman and Gerald Johansen! Both of you stop it now!" Phoebe abruptly shouted, catching both Arnold and Gerald off guard, "You two are best friends! Neither one of you is a sidekick! You're partners! But now you're both just being a couple of hot headed jerks! This isn't you! Don't you see this is exactly the sort of thing that Ludwig would want? To keep us fighting amongst one another so we can't stop him!"

Arnold and Gerald looked at one another, still brimming with anger but they at least unclenched their fists and glanced away, both knowing in their hearts that Phoebe was right even if they weren't ready to admit it just yet.

"It may be just ever so much worse than that." the voice of Lila suddenly appeared, "I fear Curly may be trying to awaken a certain… darkness in Arnold."

"Huh?" Arnold asked.

"As in… the infamous 'Dark Arnold?'" Helga asked in slight concern.

"Yes… and not just him, but all of you." Lila said, "As you all have probably noticed by now, Curly has been bringing out the worst in all of you since you brought him here and… well I fear that may have been just what he wanted."

* * *

_**This fic has gotten bigger and more complicated than the sort of stuff I'm used to writing… why it's taking a bit longer. I considered doing an entire chapter written by Curly but… well, the results were just too horrifying to comprehend.**_

_**I intended this to be its own story with some elements of The Avengers, but I'm amazed at how few scenes I've directly lifted so far. Lila tricking Curly... yeah that was pretty much a direct ripoff... which is a thing HA! did on occasion even by Bartlett's admission so NO SHAME AHAHAHA! Excuse me... been writing Curly too much...**_

_**Thanks for reading. Until next time, review and favorite! **_


	10. The Legend of Dark Arnold

**_Ready for our heroes to stop fighting and come together?_**

**_..._**

**_Well, too bad._**

* * *

Chapter 10: The Legend of Dark Arnold

Anxious murmurs filled the room at the mention of 'Dark Arnold,' which brought back some uncomfortable memories for some but also appeared to confuse a few others.

"Dark Arnold?" Lorenzo asked, "What does that mean?"

"That's a young legend," Gerald said, looking at Arnold with some worry in his eyes, "But man, was it a major development in the ongoing Arnold mythos…"

Gerald paused and waited for someone to lead him in, but no one said a word.

"Hey, Sid?" Gerald asked, "Lead me in man- oh right. He's on the dark side now… man. Guess I gotta do this myself… ahem… the legend of Dark Arnold will be whispered from kid generation to kid generation, and Gerald i.e. I am the keeper of all legends. Take it away, me."

"This ought to be good…" Park whispered to Arnold who just buried his face in his hands out of frustration and embarrassment.

"The legend of Dark Arnold serves as a cautionary tale to all those fool enough to believe that even the purest most placid of beating hearts don't contain the potential for darkness, if given the proper incentive… or pushed just one step too far by the wrong person."

Helga's eyes darted back and forth. All eyes were fixed on the storyteller but her self-consciousness drove her to burst out yelling nonetheless.

"What are you all looking at me for?"

Gerald continued, "April first, of the fifth grade, students and teachers alike joined in the traditional festivities of tormenting one another with assorted pranks. Joy buzzers buzzed, whoopee cushions thundered, shoe laces tied together sent kids tripping, everything from the good natured to the outright cruel… but one prankster in particular-"

"Was crowned the King of Fools!" Eugene interrupted, "Yes, that was a momentously unforgettable-"  
"No." Gerald said flatly, then continued, "One prankster in particular, driven by confused and demented feelings unfathomable to most kids, continually and unrepentantly tortured one naive and unsuspecting innocent. This ongoing torment quickly escalated from aggression into an April Fool's prank arms race when this devious prankster pushed the normally mild-mannered kid one step too far. Forced to retaliate at last, this put upon kid used his tormenter's own weakness to their advantage and with blinding flash robbed them of their sight! That should have been the end… but the prank war was just beginning…. for this callous and diabolical prankster regained their sight, and used their victim's guilt to-"

"You can stop being so vague, Gerald…" Arnold said, "We all know you're talking about Helga and me…"

"No we don't." Helga crossed her arms and shook her head, "That could be literally any two people with weird unresolved emotions he's talking about."

"Who's telling the story here?" Gerald asked, "Anyway… Helga went on faking her blindness, filling the heavy-hearted Arnold with unbearable guilt. Guilt founded by a lie but so powerful nonetheless he took it upon himself to care to her every false need as she appeared to struggle on helplessly in this unforgiving world."

"He's making this sound terribly more exciting than I remember." Peapod noted.

Rhonda poked her head into the circle of kids and asked, "So… do you guys still need any costuming done, or…?"

Gerald shouted over the others, "UNTIL at last Helga inadvisably revealed the details of her scheme with a certain savvy, astute, heroic, incredibly handsome master of lore in earshot." He gestured to himself with his thumbs, "It was then that the legendary keeper of legends informed the hapless Arnold of the terrible conspiracy against him, and unwittingly awoke the darkness deep within his very soul. A darkness so deep and forbidding that it brought about the unthinkable…"

Gerald took a long and dramatic pause. All eyes stayed on him as he remained quiet.

"Go on, ask what was unthinkable…" Gerald muttered.

No one said a word. Arnold rolled his eyes and asked for them.

"What happened that was so unthinkable…?" he groaned.

"I'll tell you!" Gerald shouted, "Arnold, an altruistic paragon of modesty, a force for all that is good and decent on this green earth was driven by Helga's abuse to behave SLIGHTLY LESS THAN GENTLEMANLY! And then he unceremoniously cast Helga into a swimming pool, thus serving justice, but at the cost of his very soul…"

Helga frowned, "Wait a darn minute, he tosses me into a pool and you're still framing me as the bad guy in this story!"

Arnold smirked at Helga, "Well you did have it coming…"

Helga grabbed Arnold by his shoulders and turned him to face the others.

"Look at him! He's snapped! He's gone dark!" she shouted.

"Well, you're the one who caused it." Gerald said.

"Regardless, he's not fit for command anymore," Helga insisted, "Eugene. Someone's gotta take charge around here and it might as well be me. Fat lotta good you chuckleheads have done us so far."

"So far all you've done is make everyone mad around here." Gerald said.

"Hey!" Helga shouted and pointed a thumb at herself, "I'm the only one around here who's been taking any kind of initiative since we bumbled into this little geek bait vigilante drama club! Who got Lila back? Me! Who brought in Curly? Me!"

"Yeah, except it looks like that was what Curly wanted all along." Gerald clarified.

"No, no, don't you two start now…" Phoebe urged. "We were almost at a resolution…"

Ignoring her, Helga got in Gerald's face and poked a finger in his chest as she growled.

"And what about you, Geraldo? All you've done since you showed up is act petty and self-centered! Seriously, it's like you're me or something!" Helga turned back to the others and raised her fist in the air, "Listen up, I'm taking over this outfit and I say we take the fight to the enemy now! Hit 'em hard and fast without warning! Show them we're not afraid to fight!"

"That's a bad idea…" Phoebe said.

"Phoebe, I'm taking over," Helga reiterated, "I lead, you follow. That's how we do things, got it?"

Phoebe stamped her foot, "I could lead this group!"

"You?" Helga scoffed, "I'm the only one of us who could actually kick that big jerk's butt if push came to shove! What about the rest of you? You're all a bunch of geeks and-"

"Helga, just stop!" Phoebe grabbed Helga's sleeve and tried to restrain her, "I know why you're doing this… but you don't have to keep acting so tought just to prove that you're not afraid of Ludwig!"

Phoebe stopped herself as Helga gave her a death stare. The small girl let go of her more imposing friend who stared down at her. To Helga's sudden surprise and discomfort, the other kids were looking at her too. Very few people beyond Phoebe, Arnold, or even Gerald had seen her more vulnerable side, which even now that she wasn't actively bullying kids anymore she still hid behind a tough act. None of the kids present mocked her, or even looked like they wanted to, but the uncomfortable exposure she suddenly felt put her on the defensive.

"Scared?" Helga growled in Phoebe's face, "That overgrown slab of pot roast doesn't scare me!"

"Helga… I remember what he did to you." Phoebe said as she fixed Helga with a sympathetic look, "You don't have to resort to barbarism just because he scares you… he scares all of us. That's why we need to stop fighting and stand together."

Helga pushed Phoebe away and scowled as she shook her head furiously.

"I'm not afraid of anyone!" she insisted, "Yeah, Ludwig may have gotten the drop on me last time, and that black eye stuck around for weeks, but now I know he has no problem hitting girls so I'm gonna get him first! I'll show him who the worse bully is... I'm bad, see? I'm bad to the bone!"

"Aw, c'mon Helga." Eugene says, "Everyone knows that you're a nice person nowadays. Why fight it?"

"They know nothing!" Helga screeched in his face, now feeling uneasy, "I'm still Helga G. Pataki! Iron fisted sixth grade dictator!"

"Please." Rhonda rolled her eyes, "You haven't been a bully since the fourth grade, Helga. You're just a nuisance nowadays."

Helga raised a fist in Rhonda's face.

"What? Is Old Betsy going to teach me a lesson?" Rhonda said nonchalantly.

"Old Betsy's about to go off on all of you!" Helga shouted, "For all your sakes I'd better just head on up to Ludwig and take it all out on him first!"

Arnold scowled at Helga and said, "We need to think of smarter than that… so we don't have to just duke it out with them using our bare fists."

"Don't wanna use our bare fists? Fine. How about we use some of our superior tech instead, for a change?" Helga suggested, "Hey! Computer nerds!"

Lorenzo and the other kids sitting at their computer monitors looked at Helga.

"HEAT UP THE DEATH RAY!" Helga commanded Lorenzo.

Everyone stared at her and blinked in their confusion.

"We don't have a death ray…" Lorenzo clarified.

"Why does that not surprise me…" Helga groaned, "What exactly do you nerds do at these computers then? Have we got some kind of satellite inferred tracking thingy to keep at eye on and neutralize any potential threats?"

"Well…" Lorenzo said, "We do have a satellite program but… it only shows a still map of Hillwood. We can't track people with it…"

Helga stomped over to the other computer monitors and saw for the first time what they had been doing all this time with their monitors.

"Well that's useful! And you geeks just sit here playing 'Runaway Bus Online'?" she bellowed.

Helga at last felt her blood boil over and she didn't even have any room left for rational thought. Her fears combined with her frustrations and disillusionment with this entire scheme, causing her to at last throw up her hands in defeat.

"I can't work with this worthless crew of brain dead gibbons!" Helga shouted, "Eugene, this was a fun bout of sixth grade senioritis for a while, but I'm out!"

Phoebe, Lila, Eugene, Park and Peapod looked at one another in shock, as Gerald and Arnold just frowned as Helga stomped off towards the doorway.

"Helga… wait!" Lila protested.

"Let her go." Gerald said, "We don't need her."

Phoebe looked at Arnold, who she expected wouldn't want Helga to leave either, but Arnold just crossed his arms and looked away. Before anyone could say anything more, Helga was gone, and so too was any remaining sense of hope most of the kids felt to stop Trash Can Day.

Upstairs, in the boys' locker room, Ludwig stood atop a bench looking down on his army of sixth graders. Not one of them even came close to his own imposing figure, but they were all ready, willing and able and eager to obey his slightest command. Ludwig smiled down at them and spoke.

"At the 3:30 bell, the cleansing of PS118 by garbage begins." he said, "When I found you, you were nothing, but now you stand ready to achieve greatness. To restore Wolfgang's legacy and take your place in PS118 history. There are some who see this proud tradition as arcane, cruel or just unnecessary, and they will be forgotten with the sands of time! We do this not because we want to, but because it's the only way!"

He raised his fist in the air and all his supporters did the same.

Ludwig bellowed, "Trash Can Day!"

"The only way!" everyone else chanted in response.

"Trash Can Day!"

"The only way!"

Sid and Stinky pumped their fists and chanted along with the rest, while at the same time exchanging concerned looks. All the others were so fired up they failed to notice the minor looks of doubt on the two boys' faces.

"You all have your instructions." Ludwig said, "When the bell rings, begin the herding."

As the crowd nodded obediently, Stinky at last spoke up.

"Uh, Ludwig?" he asked, "Ain't we gonna wait for Patty to come back or somethin'?"

Ludwig shook his head and frowned.

"It seems Big Patty has deserted." he said, "She and Harold have doomed themselves to a fate worse than what we could've given them; obscurity. They'll both be forgotten, whereas we now go forth to glory!"

Suddenly from out of the crowd a small black hooded figure pushed his way towards Ludwig.

"Dicky?" Ludwig smiled, "What did you find, weasel?"

Dicky smiled and in a rascally voice said, "There's somethin' I think you oughta come look into, boss."

* * *

_**ACK! So… I rewatched that scene in April Fools Day for the "Dark Arnold" bit, and… there's a rather naughty little gag that I never noticed before because it's blink and you miss it. During Arnold and Helga's tango, there's a moment when Helga swings Arnold and basically uses him like a human whip. His hand flails out and he sorta… spanks Sheena… who shrieks and turns around and glares at him. We got away with a lot in the 90s…**_

**_The Hey Arnold! timeline is quite muddled, but if you think about it the kids would have had to have been in fifth grade at certain points in the series, which is why I mention April Fools taking place in their fifth grade year. Arnold's Thanksgiving had to have taken place after Arnold's Christmas considering Arnold's "Happy Thanksgiving, Helga" serving as a response to her earlier "Merry Christmas Arnold" line. April Fools takes place after the movie, and The Journal was set in October and... now my head hurts..._**


	11. The Worst of the Best of Us

**_Action. Adventure. Kids arguing in school basements. What'll happen next? Find out next time... right now._**

* * *

Chapter 11: The Worst of the Best of Us

Stomping through the darkened basement hallways, Helga clenched her fists and scowled at no one in particular. She could feel the steam shooting out of her ears as she struggled with aimless feelings of rage, confusion, and one other emotion she refused to acknowledge. Fueled by adrenaline, her only objective was to hurt Ludwig however she could, regardless of the consequences. The boy had clobbered her in the eye when she was only nine, and three years later she still held a grudge for the shiner he'd left her with.

"Eye for an eye…" Helga grumbled to herself.

"Helga?" came a familiar voice.

Like a startled animal, Helga jumped and did a one eighty turn in midair in her surprise. She raised her fists at the source of the voice, but when she realized who it was she lowered them slowly.

"Patty?" Helga asked.

Patty poked her head out from around a dark corridor as did Harold, and both of them emerged from the shadows.

"Madame fortress mommy!" Harold remarked.

"What are you doing down here?" Patty asked.

"Me?" Helga huffed, "What are you two doing crouching in the dark together…?" She raised a knowing eyebrow.

Patty crossed her arms and gave Helga a stern look, as Harold just scratched his head, looking confused as ever.

"We had a little falling out with Ludwig." Patty said at last, "And we'd already cut class so… here we are. What about you?"

Helga pounded her fist against her palm, "Well, I'm off to make Ludwig's dentist rich enough to retire early." she said with false confidence in her voice.

Patty crossed her arms and looked at her strangely. Harold too scratched his head as he looked at Helga, who hadn't looked so furious in years.

"Probably a bad idea." Patty said, "I mean, you may think you're a hardened soldier… but you're still going up against a tank."

"And an army." Harold added.

Helga shook her head and placed her hands on her hips.

"When did you two go so soft?" she asked.

Patty clenched her fists and scowled down at Helga.

"I'll show you soft…" but suddenly her expression softened and she smiled reluctantly, "You know… maybe you're right. But I don't think that's such a bad thing."

"I disagree." Helga waved her hand dismissively, "Kill or be killed will forever be the Pataki motto. Now if you'll excuse me, I've got a death wish to go fulfill. See you in the funny papers. Or the obituaries."

Helga turned to leave but suddenly felt herself walking in air as Patty lifted her by the back of her shirt and held her in the air.

"Hey!" Helga shouted and flailed, "Lemme go you big… Patty!"

"Sorry, little bruiser," Patty said, "I'm not gonna let you just go get yourself pummeled. Why don't we uh… talk instead?"

The Mitigator headquarters had fallen quiet now. The heated argument that had finally driven one of if not their best fighter away had subsided, but tension and a lack of resolve still hung heavy in the air. Gerald and Arnold still weren't speaking to one another after their blowup, and everyone else just seemed demoralized now.

Arnold stood with his hands in his pockets, still wearing his apparently legendary 'dark' look. He didn't even fully realize that his brief mischievous streak last year had caught the attention of the rest of the class, but then he typically acted so calm and mild-mannered he couldn't deny in hindsight that little display surprised even him.

"Okay, Arnold." the voice of Rhonda appeared behind him suddenly. He turned and saw her standing with her hands on her hips and glaring at him.

"Rhonda?" He asked.

"No one else is going to say it so I'm going to. It's time to get over yourself, Arnold." she said, "I know better than most people how Curly spreads crazy like a virus, but you're better than that. You and Gerald are both so much better than what you've been giving us today."

Arnold sighed and shook his head, "Why do you suddenly care?"

"You patched up things between Nadine and me once," Rhonda said, "Who knows if our friendship would have even survived without your intervention… the least I can do is return the favor."

"You really don't have to-"

"Yes I do Arnold, you've done more for people around here including myself than we'll ever deserve, and you need us now." Rhonda insisted, "I may not be caught in the middle of your friendship, but I simply can't abide a world where Arnold and Gerald aren't like this." she held up her crossed fingers, "If it weren't for you two, I'd just be a shallow narcissist concerned with the material things in life… oh, speaking of which, Sheena and I finished your 'Captain Sanctimony' suit… what do you think?"

She pulled out a full body turquoise unitard, complete with a red flannel pattern cape. Arnold glowered at her in response.

"You have got to me kidding me…" Arnold said.

"I admit it's pretty garish but with your unique sense of style… I think it works." Rhonda mused.

"Seriously though?" Arnold asked, "We're going with 'Captain Sanctimony?' Not really flattering…"

"No, that was actually a good suggestion by Helga." Rhonda said, "Captain Sanctimony really is fitting for you."  
"Thanks…?" Arnold said skeptically.

"Yes, yes, I know that's normally a bad thing, making a big show about your moral superiority because let's be honest who can really claim to be morally superior?" Rhonda mused, but then she looked at Arnold, "If anyone could… that would be you. And not in a bad way either. Sure, you're as human as the rest of us, so of course you're going to mess up here and there, but just look at how many people you've inspired to be better than they were. You may not like it, but you're an example to kids everywhere. You're an ideal they want to strive for. You're… you're Arnold. And just look what happens when you're anything but the Arnold we all know. Everything falls apart. We need you now."

Rhonda's words stung Arnold. He had done little beyond mope or just be outright petty today, and now Eugene's enormous humanitarian effort had been all but ruined by his and Gerald's squabbling. Worse still, they had driven Helga away, who despite her volatility really had only been trying to help. The sheer weirdness of the day's events felt more and more apparent. As if the entire grade cutting classes to both resurrect and prevent Trash Can Day in differing extremes somehow didn't solidify the strangeness before, and yet somehow Rhonda Wellington Lloyd giving him blunt but sensical life advice did.

"Rhonda…?" Arnold asked, "You've… changed."

Rhonda smiled at him, "We're all changing every day, Arnold, sometimes in good ways sometimes in bad ways. But if there's one thing we've all learned from you, it's that we have the choice to change for the better. Even if we all have a little bit of a dark side, we don't have to let it take over, right 'Dark Arnold?'"

Arnold returned her smile, and then looked over in the direction of Gerald, who seemed to be conversing with Nadine. Arnold snapped his head back at Rhonda and he gave a small smirk.

"I see you have Nadine working on Gerald too…" he said.

"You have a talent for bringing people together, Arnold," Rhonda said, "Now what was it you once told Nadine and me? Oh right. Stop acting like a baby and go tell him you're sorry."

Gerald meanwhile was getting a similar lecture from Nadine.

"It's a tough life, being the sidekick, I know." Nadine said.

"I'm not a sidekick…" Gerald grumbled.

"That's right." Nadine said, "What you are now is just a big baby."

"Say what?" Gerald huffed.

"You were Gerald, the coolest kid in school and the keeper of all legends, and now you're just being a spiteful jerk, and all just because you let a few words get to you." Nadine insisted. "You just let them crawl into your skin and into your core like bugs, injecting a venom into you and turning you-"

"This is the most I've ever heard you talk, Nadine…" Gerald noted.

"Yeah. That's how you know this is serious." Nadine continued, "You and Arnold are more than just friends, you guys have a responsibility because you both inspire the rest of us. We're all afraid of what's about to happen, and I know you two are too."

"Wrong." Gerald said. "Only thing I'm scared of is not making it home in time for Pop Daddy with all this garbage going on."

"It's okay to be afraid, Gerald." Nadine urged, "But when fear turns you into something else… remember your own story. You said the Legend of Dark Arnold was a cautionary tale, that even the best of us can go bad…"

Gerald suddenly felt a wave of realization come over him, and he suddenly saw himself as a stubborn cynic who couldn't event take his own advice; someone he had no desire to be ever again.

"I guess we're all cracking just a little…" Gerald sighed, as a loud barking sound issued from the closet nearby, "Some of us more than others… but I see what you mean. Thanks Nadine."

"You're a cool guy, Gerald. You've never been Arnold's sidekick and you've got to stop telling yourself that." Nadine said with a smile. "But he's your partner. And you two need each other. You need Arnold's idealism, and Arnold needs your realism… together you're an unstoppable team."

Across the room, Gerald could see Arnold talking to Rhonda, and he was now looking back in his direction. It became quickly apparent that Rhonda and Nadine were in on this together, but it didn't matter to Gerald now. He stood up and saw Arnold doing the same. As Rhonda and Nadine encouraged the two boys, they took some tentative steps closer and closer to one another as all the other kids started to watch with wonderment and admiration.

Suddenly, before the two boys could reach one another a low thumping sound stopped them both in their tracks. Arnold and Gerald weren't alone in noticing this, and all the other kids glanced around the room as the pounding started to grow progressively louder. Gerald turned his attention to a small glass of water sitting on one of the computer tables. As he looked at it he could see small concentric circles rippling at the surface. The kids all exchanged unnerved looks, and slowly their eyes all panned over to the door.

The door opened, and flanked by two of Gino's thugs, the even more mammoth sixth grade titan Ludwig stepped through into the Mitigator's formerly secret base of operations.

* * *

**The End. They all died.**

**Well, no... but that does feel like a likely outcome. Too bad. Things were starting to look up there just a little. Guess you'll have to see what comes next.**


	12. Ludwig's Generosity

_**Cue the ominous music. **_

* * *

Chapter 12: Ludwig's Generosity

In the once secret Mitigator command center, all eyes in the room were firmly glued to the titanous intruder Ludwig and his thugs. No one dared to move as Ludwig silently stepped forward and glanced around the room, eyeing everything and everyone as he smiled smugly. All of them were afraid of the guy on a normal basis, but to have him here in a place they had considered a safe haven shattered any small feeling of security any of them held. Park found himself flashing back to the fourth grade, when Wolfgang and his fifth grade goons had discovered and infiltrated his safe house in the city junkyard, sending him and all his fellow fourth graders fleeing in terror across the city to be picked off one by one. There was only one way out of this room however now being closely guarded, and he and the others realized there would be no escape this time. For the longest time Ludwig scanned the room, making eye contact with each of them one by one, and no one dared say a word.

All of a sudden Ludwig broke the silence with a slow but loud and rhythmic clap, and sent shivers down everyone's spines.

"I'm impressed." Ludwig said at last, "This is way more than I expected from you geeks."

He glanced around at his terrified classmates, all of them too afraid to make any sudden moves. This only seemed to please him further and he looked as if he could burst with pride as he walked around surveying everything. He walked past Arnold who stood quietly glowering at him, too afraid to make a move for fear Ludwig would hurt the others. Ludwig however stopped and regarded Arnold.

"It's true, my expectations were pretty low." he said, "At the most I expected football face would just throw himself between us and all the fourthies and fifthies, give some pious little speech and expect to turn our hearts and minds. Looks like you kids have gotten more creative these days. Just look at this whole setup… all I needed was a locker room, but you guys built yourself quite the little war room."

He stopped for a moment as he passed Lila, who was looking at him with a very different fear in her eyes than the others were showing. Ludwig momentarily gave her a lecherous smile but then continued pacing around slowly like a lion amidst a group of terrified sheep. Gerald and Arnold exchanged a look as if searching each other's eyes for some kind of idea the other had come up with. Neither of them found anything. Eugene, Park and Peapod were simply starting at Ludwig aghast, while Phoebe by contrast looked like a cat ready to pounce. Gerald's eyes naturally found their way to her, and he could see her raring to fight. He stared at her with eyes that seemed to shout 'don't do it.'

"When I first heard about all this, I didn't really care. I always knew there'd be a gaggle of discontented geeks." Ludwig said, "A few little fruit cups like you never worried me. Let's see… was I was wrong for once? Just look at this… a few computers… costumes? This is way more than I expected… and it's still pathetic." He snickered, "All this? It's worthless… it wouldn't even matter if I did this."

Ludwig grabbed one of the costume racks and with immense strength lifted it up in the air and threw it against the wall, sending Sheena and Rhonda running for cover. Ludwig then marched over towards the computer table and sent Nate and Joey running from their screens.

"Or if I did this…" Ludwig grinned.

"Oh don't, those are terribly expensive…" Peapod quietly protested to unhearing ears.

Ludwig then turned over the table and sent the computers crashing to the floor. Park and Lorenzo both winced as the machines hit the floor, sending sparks flying.

"It just wouldn't matter if I did that…" Ludwig chuckled to himself, "Because what good is all this? You're just geeks with delusions of grandeur, not just playing heroes but superheroes by the looks of it… you guys are just making today more memorable by the minute with this little game of pretend."

"You want to talk about delusions of grandeur? Or playing heroes?" the mousy voice of Phoebe finally broke the silence among the kids.

Ludwig turned in her direction. His typically grim expression now appeared more amused as the petite girl fixed him with a defiant look of challenge.

"Phoebe… don't…" Gerald said warningly.

"Look at you. Scaring the whole class into following you, so you can throw little kids into the trash and act like that makes you some kind of hero!" Phoebe bravely admonished him, "Well congratulations, because you're just like Wolfgang! Isn't that what you wanted? And next year all the kids you threw in the cans will remember you as fondly as we all remember him! At worst you'll be remembered as a big jerk, and at best… they'll forget about you. You'll never be the legend you think you're becoming."

Ludwig's smile remained set in stone on his smug face as he stepped closer to Phoebe, who refused to flinch as he advanced on her. When he stood less than a foot away he stared down at her and his grin broadened. As everyone else held their breath, Gerald crossed over towards them to protect her however he could.

"You… you don't scare me." Phoebe bluffed unconvincingly, but boldly nonetheless, "You may have size on us, but you're not as smart as you think you are!"

Ludwig raised an eyebrow at her and cracked a half smile.

"Yeah." he said, "I know how I look. Big guy, held back at this institutional holding pen… that only happens to dummies, right?"

Phoebe didn't take his bait and just kept scowling at him.

"Nice costume, by the way." Ludwig said, regarding Phoebe's kimono, "I should have guessed the little drama geek running this show would go for the theatrics. I knew you twerps thought you were heroes but this… this is just too funny for words. You were going to stop the biggest thing ever to happen in this school… by playing dress up? Bravo."

As Gerald tried to step between Ludwig and Phoebe, she pushed past him and continued to try to stare Ludwig down, or rather up.

"Come one step closer and I'll show you just how funny this is." Phoebe said.

"Now you're talking like a sixth grader." Ludwig grinned.

Goaded to the limit of her composure, Phoebe drew her fencing sabre swiftly as lightning and flourished it in Ludwig's face, which at first caused him to flinch slightly, but as Phoebe continued to try to ward him off he simply grabbed the tip of the sword and held it filmy in his grasp. Surprised, Phoebe gasped and tried to pull it from his grip, but he simply yanked it out of her hand and then proceeded to bend it in half before her eyes.

"Brave of you, little missy. At least, that's the illusion you're trying to sell with all these theatrics." Ludwig said with a sigh, "Those only work on stage, but this is the theater of war we're living in… and you pampered brats have no idea how to survive it."

Without warning, Ludwig swiftly seized both Phoebe and Gerald by the scruffs of their shirts and held the two kicking preteens up in the air.

"Let go!" Phoebe shouted.

"Still, I guess there's a little fight in you…" Ludwig grinned.

"Leave them alone, Ludwig!" Arnold growled defiantly.

The bold boy walked right up to the sixth grade tyrant but stopped when Ludwig gave him a very threatening look, which paralyzed him in fear, not so much for himself but for what Ludwig might do to his friends.

"See?" Ludwig said in Gerald and Phoebe's faces, "See what you've grown into? Sixth graders who can't hold their own, even now when you think you're going to put up a fight… all you can do is cower in fear." Ludwig's expression turned somewhat sorrowful for what he had to say next, "Here I am, trying to help the younger kids not turn out like you wimps… and yet you twerps want to deny them my generosity?"

"That's some pretty twisted logic, Ludwig." Gerald said brusquely.

"It's the only logic," Ludwig smiled, "For the weak to grow strong, the strong can't be weak. It's our strength that brought the sixth grade together today… believe it or not, I like bringing people together. And I gotta say, you two make one cute couple… you'll go good together…"

Everyone gasped as Ludwig winded up, preparing to bash Gerald and Phoebe's heads together, and Arnold finally snapped out of his immobilizing fear.

"Stop!" Arnold shouted, "Just put them down and… you can have Curly back."

Ludwig gave Arnold an unimpressed look, followed by a mocking chuckle.

"Who?" he asked.

"Curly…" Arnold repeated, "You know… your um… right hand kid? Agent? Something… I thought?"

Ludwig laughed, "Oh right. The four eyed freak. I wondered whatever happened to that guy. You guys took him hostage?"

He looked at Phoebe and Gerald who were still struggling in his grasp, then he looked back to Arnold with a nod. Ludwig placed Phoebe and Gerald back down on the ground but didn't let go of either of them just yet.

"We'll give you him… just don't hurt anyone." Arnold urged.

Ludwig included his head gesturing for them to produce Curly. Park and Peapod rushed over to the closet, and when they reemerged they both carried the chair with the grinning Curly still tied to it.

"You took your sweet time." Curly said with faux irritation, "Seriously, though? Two sidekicks for the price of me? I'm insulted."

"You always are…" Eugene grumbled.

"Yes… it was by the pangs of your insults that drove me to this… and what better poetic justice could I have asked for? Behold, the fruit of my labor!" Curly said, "By my hand, Eugene's Mitigator Initiative is finished before it even started. I have broken their unity, their confidence, their very spirit…"

"Yeah, you've been a real big help…" Ludwig said insincerely. Curly didn't seem to notice.

Ludwig pushed Gerald and Phoebe forward, and the two of them stumbled and landed on their knees. Arnold and Eugene rushed over and helped them to their feet, as Park and Peapod untied Curly.

"Are we sure this is a good idea?" Gerald asked.

"I don't think we have the luxury of good ideas at the moment." Phoebe said.

Finally free of his bonds, Curly wiggled his fingers in amusement and smiled.

"The three thirty bell is almost upon us." Curly smiled, "Thus shall we set the stage for the final defeat of our-"

"Save the speeches, Curly." Rhonda interrupted. "I hope you can sleep at night for doing this."

Curly gave the girl a look of contempt, without a trace of the former adoration he had once shown for her.

"And I hope you can too." he said, "Who knows? Had you guys accepted me into the fold things might've been different. I might've been on a different path. I hope you can live with me; your greatest mistake!"

Rhonda crossed her arms and glared at him, as Ludwig too seemed to be fixing Curly with a suspicious look.

"There always has to be someone you can blame for what you do." she said, "But some day you'll only have one person left to blame."

"Curly…" Arnold said tentatively, "I know… I know you feel alone but you should know that you've always been one of us, even after all this it's not too late. And no matter what you tell yourself… you'll never be like Ludwig."

Curly stared at Arnold blankly momentarily, before he glanced up at Ludwig and grinned.

"After today I will be." he laughed, "Trash and destruction shall be so in use, and so must I now ascend to my destiny, and cry havoc! And let slip the dogs of war!"

"Yeah, sure. Out with the trash." Ludwig smiled grimly. "I'd say I've made my point now. Any of you geeks still feel like trying to stop me? Does anyone here still feel like a hero?"

Eugene served the shambles that was the costume rack while Park, Peapod and Lorenzo knelt by the trashed computer monitors trying to assess the damage. Rhonda stood in front of Nadine and despite her clenched fist she had no words of challenge. Phoebe still sat on the ground as Gerald crouched with his arms around her in a both comforting and protecting manner. Lila and Arnold looked at one another as if trying to offer the other courage but neither of them felt any just now. Arnold looked at his shoes, internally wishing Helga hadn't left, knowing she could have found a way to rally them all against the three hulking boys and the one smaller maniac that threatened them now. Not one of the Mitigator team dared defy Ludwig now, as it dawned on them that he'd beaten them with ease.

"No one?" Ludwig asked again, "Ah well. Before I go, though… who's in charge here?"

The kids all remained silent as Ludwig looked around the room.

"I mean, I know this cute little idea was yours, Red." he said to Eugene, "But even if you had the idea… you're no leader."

Eugene glared back at Ludwig defiantly.

"No one else?" Ludwig grinned, "Then I guess it'll just have to be you who takes the fall for the team…"

Ludwig raised a fist to strike Eugene but Arnold abruptly cut him off.

"It's me!" Arnold shouted, "I'm the leader."

"Arnold…" Eugene urged, "You don't need to-"

"I'm their leader, and everyone else here is just…" Arnold looked at the others. Gerald and Phoebe looked ready to back him up, but tried to get them to stand down with the look in his eyes.

"… they're all just sidekicks." he said, "I'm the one you want."

"Arnold, don't…" Gerald urged.

Ludwig sighed and walked towards Arnold.

"Yeah. Of course." he said, "It's always you. You know, Arnold?"

Arnold felt slightly surprised and taken aback to be called by his actual name by this guy, who had no shortage of insulting nicknames for him usually.

"You're… you're an admirable guy, really." Ludwig said, with no trace of mockery in his voice, "In a different world, who knows? We could have been something besides enemies."

Arnold frowned, "I'm the one always trying to make peace with people like you…"

Ludwig shook his head, "That's just the thing. You've got the right qualities to be a leader… but your compassion is holding you back. Being a leader means having to make hard decisions. Knowing you can't save everyone. Having to make sacrifices for the greater good."

"What do you know about that?" Another voice cut in

Ludwig and Arnold turned to see Park now frowning indignantly at Ludwig and marching towards him.

"I'm sorry, who are you?" Ludwig asked, "I don't think I've seen you before."

"I'm Park." he said, "I know Eugene gets the credit for the whole superhero aesthetic of this team, but I started this group years ago, and I've seen guys like you come and go in all that time. You talk a good game, act like you're some kind of master chess player, but at the end of the day you're just another thug who does this kind of thing for the same reason any other thug does. But as long as there are people like you in this school, people like us will always-"

Before anyone could react or even register the awful sight before their eyes, Park fell to the ground as a result of the impact of Ludwig's fist that connected sharply with his eye with a resonating and painful sounding thud.

"Park!" Arnold shouted and ran over to where his friend had fallen.

"No…" Lila whimpered as she similarly rushed over to help.

"Park?" Gerald asked as he held up a hand before his face, "How many fingers?"

"Ugh..." Park moaned, "Four?"

"Five." Gerald said.

"It really looks like four..." Park insisted.

The other kids too rushed over and formed a small circle around the fallen Park, who was rubbing his eye in pain as Ludwig just sighed heavily, as if he had just performed a necessary task that brought him no joy, but he felt had to be done. Curly by contrast, had been smiling a wide feral grin up until the moment Ludwig so brutally punched Park. Now he just looked at the kids crouched around Park trying to comfort him and his face went blank, as if the gravity of the situation had finally sunk in just a little.

"I was wrong about you, Arnold." Ludwig said, "What self-respecting leader doesn't have chumps to take the fall for him? If any more of you nobodies want to try to be someone, then you're all still welcome to join us." Ludwig said, "You may be the lowest rung of the grade… but you're still sixth graders."

He non ironically extended a welcoming hand to them, but everyone just glared back at him silently, causing him to sneer in return.

"No?" Ludwig sighed, "And here I thought I'd finally taught you a lesson. I hoped you'd join us on the field of battle but... oh well. Come on, let's go. We have a job to do."

He signaled to Gino's thugs, and the three of them departed the way they came in. Curly hesitated for a moment as he stared blankly at his one time supposed friend group, then he quietly followed Ludwig out, and they were gone. The small band of allies all crouched on the floor around Park, all equally unsure of what to say, and knowing that Ludwig could have easily pummeled them all one by one, but he had instead done minor damage to their headquarters and immense damage on their fighting spirit. Everyone quietly realized this, as a mixture of shame and sad resignation formed into a dark cloud of defeat that hovered over them all. If there remained some small spark of hope for the school they didn't see it now.

* * *

_**Generous guy, see? He didn't kill anyone.**_

_**Explaining the joke: Because if you have to explain a joke, of course it's funny. HA! characters have four fingers, but there are mentions of them having five fingers (The Five Avengers for example). Hence that little exchange with Gerald and Park... hehehe... oh, whatever it made me laugh. **_

_**Favorite and review! **_


	13. Three Bullies Gloat Gruff

_**Meanwhile...**_

* * *

Chapter 13: Three Bullies Gloat Gruff

All the while Ludwig had been demoralizing the Mitigators, out in the dark corridor of the school basement Helga still tried to run in the air as Patty dangled her above the floor, still trying to prevent her from getting herself clobbered by Ludwig's gang.

"This is kind of sad…" Patty remarked.

"Ah, just let her tire herself out." Harold said. "She'll run herself down."

"Oh no… I've got enough energy to keep me running until Ludwig's face is unnaturally concave!" Helga shouted, "Now let go of me you big whatever!"

"Helga, you're a pain in the butt but I don't want you getting the snot beat out of you for no reason." Patty insisted. "Those guys mean serious business. If you're gonna take them on… you might need our help."

Harold reacted with panic and began sputtering.

"Us? Take on Ludwig?" he gasped, "We can't! He'll give me pink belly! Or shave my head, or hang me from the goal post, or sharpie my-"

"Not if it's the three of us." Patty said reassuringly, "I didn't think anyone could stop Ludwig, but the three of us together might just-"

"I don't need you two chuckleheads!" Helga shouted, "It's every Pataki for themselves!"

"Aw think about it." Patty said, still holding Helga in the air, "We could stop Trash Can Day. Harold and I are stronger than everyone else in that group… except maybe Ludwig, but if we got a few other kids together maybe-"

"Yeah, forget it." Helga said, "We tried that. All they wanted to do was play dress up and pretend to be superheroes. I'm the only one with the guts to-"

"Superheroes?" Harold and Patty asked in unison.

Helga groaned, realizing she probably shouldn't have said anything about that, but she also didn't really care about what happened with Eugene's would be team now. She only wanted to stop Ludwig for her own satisfaction, so she felt no real reason to keep it a secret.

"Yeah, the little jinx tried to form one of them 'PS118's Mightiest Heroes' deals," she said, "It went about as well as anything else that kid touches…"

"Wait… so there's already a resistance against Ludwig?" Patty asked.

"Well, it didn't get far." Helga shook her head, "All they could think of was dressing up like some kinda pseudo superheroes like it was gonna make some kinda statement. Pathetic, right?"

"You mean they were gonna dress up like superheroes, band together and try to stop Ludwig?" Harold laughed aloud, "Ah, ha ha ha- actually that sounds like fun… why didn't they ask us?"

"You… already joined Ludwig's team…" Helga reminded him.

"Oh yeah." Harold said, "Well you know what they say about hindsight… uh… do you know what they say about hindsight, Patty? I don't…"

"Yeah we did join him." Patty said regretfully, "And in hindsight, he made Harold feel like he had to prove something, and he made me feel like all these little kids in the school were my enemies… and maybe some of them do say mean things now and then but…" She smiled at Harold. "Somehow when you've got good friends, it doesn't really matter what a few little jerks do or say. They're all just scared and trying to survive school too, so I can take a few jabs here and there and just let it roll off… I don't want to just constantly be on the defensive with everyone forever."

Helga growled, "Oh really? You never used to have any problem with beating the snot out of me after a few insults!"

Patty's face sank, but then she smiled reassuringly.

"Yeah." Patty said, "Times change. People change. This place used to be a jungle, and we were all just animals fighting to survive… but somehow in the last two years things started to change."

"Don't use metaphors," Helga said, "You'll confuse Harold…"

"Yeah!" Harold agreed.

"That's an easy one, Harold. Come on." Patty said, "I don't wanna just live in a kill or be killed world just because everyone's afraid of their own unresolved conflicts. You were a little jerk back then too, pinky."

"Were?" Helga asked, "Wrong tense, I think."

"No." Patty shook her head, "People in general have gotten a lot nicer around here. And that's had an effect on me, I think."

"Uh huh?" Helga sounded unimpressed, "And just what caused this little change of heart?"  
"Same thing as usual." Patty said, "It's the impact of Arnold…"

Helga turned bright pink as Patty and Harold snickered quietly.

"I feel like pretty much every kid in school has gotten a life changing pep talk from Arnold at some point." Patty said.

"I've had at least five." Harold said somewhat proudly.

"There's just something about him that makes you want to be a better person, it's infectious, it spreads and…" Patty looked at Helga with knowing eyes, "He's really special that way. I assume he must be in Eugene's group?"

"Ugh, Arnold Arnold Arnold… why is that all I keep hearing about?" Helga groaned, "So what he's nice, caring, selfless, and unbearably cute and- I mean… sure, he's gotten through to a few people but this school hasn't changed. There's always gonna be another Wolfgang or Ludwig… or you or me."

"So maybe we all have a chance to make this school a better place than we came into." Patty said.

"Yeah!" Harold agreed, "We'd be heroes! They'd all think we're awesome!"

"He's right." Patty said, "We wouldn't have to be bullies ever again if we became heroes to those kids Ludwig is gonna can."

"Or maybe you two are just a couple of chumps…" Helga grumbled. "You two might've gone soft, but me? I'll always be bad to the bone. You two may have size and strength on me, but I make up for that with animalistic instincts and a total lack of moral fiber!"

"Oh yeah? Then why'd you join Eugene and Arnold over Ludwig?" Patty asked.

"Yeah." Harold said. "If you're so bad why didn't you wanna just shove kids in the trash with the rest of us?"

"Why?" Helga laughed, "I'm not a jerk to people for someone else's cause. I just do it out of personal spite. I'm not canning kids, but I'm not gonna protect them either."

"Why not?" Harold demanded.

"What's with you?" Helga turned to Harold and scowled, "When did you get on this little 'make the world a better place' kick? You've always been nearly as big a jerk to people as me!"

Rather than responding with anger, Harold said in a slow and calm voice, "Helga? I know you and I say a lot of mean stuff to each other. You know, you call me tubby, I call you a stupid ugly girl with big dumb billie goat ears, a big hairy caterpillar eyebrow, and a big stupid nose shaped like a toe, and-"

"BUT?" Helga skipped ahead for him as she growled through gritted teeth. Patty too gave Harold a dirty look.

"Oh right, sorry…" Harold said, "But that's not what you and me are really like… and I think I used to beat up on kids because it felt good… or at least I thought it did. Then people like Arnold showed me there were more fulfilling things in life…"

"Like… eating?" Helga asked.

"Hey!" Harold bellowed.

"What?" Helga shrugged, "Nothing against you, eating would be my personal go to."

"Fine. You and me? We used to be the biggest bullies in the class but… but maybe we can just channel all that into something better! Maybe it'd feel better if instead of pounding the little wusses, we pounded their bullies instead!"

"There's the spirit." Patty laughed.

"Oh no, I don't care about them one way or the other," Helga said, "I just wanna kick some butt… so if you'll kindly return me to the ground I'll be on my-"

Patty obliged Helga and finally placed her back on her feet upon the floor, but to Helga and Harold's surprise Patty actually started laughing aloud. Patty was an emotionally reserved girl and rarely spoke out of a low flat monotone voice, so to see her genuinely laughing aloud took them both off guard.

"All right, what's so funny?" Helga asked.

"You." Patty laughed, "You're still keeping this act up after all this time. Maybe it used to fool everyone, but it doesn't fool me so you might as well stop."

"What are you talking about?" Helga huffed.  
"That little tough mean girl act that you do." Patty pressed her, "The only one you're fooling is yourself. I know you better than that."

"You don't know crud," Helga crossed her arms and turned her head away haughtily.

"I know you want everyone to think you're the toughest and meanest little thug in school because deep down you're the softest one of us all." Patty poked a finger in Helga's face.

"Ah, put a sock in it…" Helga hissed.

"I know you push everyone away who's even a little bit nice to you, because just a little bit of kindness from anyone just reminds you of how alone you feel." Patty said increasingly forcefully.

"I said put a sock in it!" Helga stamped her foot in fury. "You don't know who I am!"

Patty grabbed Helga by her shoulders and lifted her into the air, now growling in her face.

"I do know," Patty insisted, "Because I'm the same as you!"

The sudden burst of empathy felt between the two girls felt strong enough to shock even Harold who just looked at them in amazement. Helga's lip quivered and her eyes watered just a little as she looked at Patty who was similarly fixing her with a sympathetic and vulnerable look in her eyes. Patty suddenly pulled Helga into a hug and the two of them felt a sense of peace come over them.

"What does that make us…?" Helga asked.

Patty placed her back down and placed on hand on her shoulder and the other on Harold's.

"Three bullies who are gonna take down an even bigger one." Patty said. "Now… tell me more about this team?"

* * *

_**Okay. I try to write these season 6 stories in the context of them being believable as 11-22 minute episodes of sorts... but this one would have to be longer than either of the HA! movies the way it's turning out. And it's mostly just people talking... so far... we're finally about to get to trash can day as we approach the end of act 2 here.**_


	14. The Bell Tolls

_**Curly is Loki… Joker… Deadpool… meh, let's throw in a little Kylo Ren just for fun now that he's conflicted. Why the hell not? A little more low-key crazy won't break him.**_

* * *

Chapter 14: The Bell Tolls

Watching the lines of sixth graders turned drones in the private army of Ludwig, Curly watched dispassionately through eyes obscured by his opaque glasses that hid his emotions from the world. No one could see his eyes behind his glasses, thus few people ever saw the wheels turning behind his eyes, so they never understood his modus operandi.

Curly knew exactly what he was, and now what he stood to become. He'd never been lauded for anything and believed this school phenomenon would bring him the prestige he so coveted. Few recognized it, but he was a consummate artist, both an actor and a dancer and like any such performer he craved and subsisted off the roars of applause of an audience. Day after day however he rarely found any such attention. To all he was either the quiet nerd with glasses, or a somewhat temperamental fruitcake prone to fits of disproportionate rage and retribution. Now he was poised to be so much more.

Still, pangs of what he could only assume were doubt tugged at his strings now that he had witnessed the deeper brutality Ludwig was capable of. He had seen if before of course, but from the perspective of a victim. Since then he told himself since that he would never be a victim again, and would instead share in the kind of power the Wolfgangs and Ludwigs of the world enjoyed. Yet now seeing abuse hurled at his fellow sixth graders from Ludwig filled him with an unfamiliar feeling he surmised could only be regret.

Ludwig's horde had taken their positions throughout the school and Gino's thugs had made their way to strategic points throughout the city. Now all Culy had to do was wait for the bell; wait, and internally monologue.

_Strange… I thought crushing their spirits and reducing them to quivering little jellies would have been somehow more… fulfilling… it's nothing less than they deserve for denying me my time in the limelight! I could have been every bit a hero to the school as them! And so what other choice did I have but to plot the cruel but necessary cleansing of the school by garbage? _

_…_

_Probably several… but I'm a busy kid, I don't have time to think about everything._

He paused, and watched as more and more sixth graders passed him by. He knew a few of them by name, but couldn't think of any of them he'd ever thought of as friends.

_Who do I have to call a friend in this cold dark world? Eugene may have left me out in the cold, and yet even after all this… Arnold, that infuriating little goody goody still has the gaul to try to appeal to my heart? Only he could try to find the light in a heart as dark as mine. What a fool… what an unwaveringly sappy simpleton… how I despise him… and yet…._

Curly glanced back and forth, then reached a hand into his shirt. Withdrawing his hand from inside his shirt, he now clasped in his hands… nothing.

"Had you there for a moment, didn't I? " Curly said aloud as if addressing his imaginary audience. He laughed aloud and wriggled his fingers with animated passion for his own whimsy.

"I know… I know… it's bad enough when Helga does these things but it's been five seasons and I want a few monologues of my own! Arnold… calls himself a friend to all. Always there to patch up a friendship, salvage a career, or just free an animal from its aquarium prison… NO he did NOT give me the inspiration! I thought of freeing all the animals from the zoo myself! But anyway… where is Arnold whenever I'm the one in need? Well after today the joke's on him, I'll never be in need again. I'll be a legend…"

"Four eyes?" Ludwig's voice snapped him out of his inner conflict.

Curly unwittingly continued his little monologue out loud with Ludwig in earshot.  
"All shall bow at my feet… all shall remember the name of-" Curly at last noticed Ludwig standing about him "LUDWIG! Hiya. Wow, you're awfully light on your feet big fella."

"Come on, shrimp." Ludwig said, "Everyone else is getting to their positions. We're moving on ahead. When the others arrive, we'll be waiting."

"Ah yes…" Curly said, "To the battlefield we go."

Ludwig grabbed him by his shirt collar and pulled him up to his eye level, fixing the scrawny nerd with an intimidating glare.

"Don't screw this up for me." he said, "We've come to the final stage. You do exactly what I tell you, or it's your can that's getting canned, get it?"

Curly nodded rapidly and gave a sloppy salute.

"Good." Ludwig said. "So begins the end."

"Let's check back with our heroes." Curly said as Ludwig just looked at him in confusion again, never knowing quite to make of some of the things the boy had to say.

Everyone in the no longer secret base in the basement felt the same crushing feeling of defeat weighing them down. Their entire plan had seemed bold and outside of the box earlier, but Ludwig's harsh reminder of reality had just hammered it home for them that blunt force was going to win out in the end in this case. For all the idealism Arnold had spread around the school, now all hope had evaporated before their eyes.

Park lay on a couch as Lila pressed an ice pack to his eye, while Eugene, Lorenzo and Peapod stood close by him. Rhonda and Nadine too looked on in silence, while Arnold Gerald and Phoebe stood off in their own little circle not far away. No one had said much of a word since Ludwig had departed.

Barely a word had been uttered since Ludwig left, but finally Rhonda broke the silence.

"Well, that could have gone a lot worse…" she said.

"Speak for yourself, Rhonda…" Nadine murmured, gesturing at Park.

"Seriously, I thought he was going to hang us by own own clothes on the wall…" Rhonda continued.

"He didn't need to." Eugene said solemnly.

Eugene's endless sunny optimism at last gave way, and all eyes fell on him as he hung his head in sorrow.

"The dream is over…" Eugene said, "Ludwig is right… this whole idea was a fool's errand. I don't know what I was thinking… trying to make heroes out of us."

Arnold and Gerald remained silent, glancing back and forth at one another without knowing what to say.

"You know…" Eugene said, "The first time I found out my own personal hero was a fake, it broke me. I wanted to be like him, but when I found out he wasn't really a hero I gave up on believing in heroes… but then I met a kid who told me he looked up to me… like I was his hero. I didn't even know his name, and hadn't even met him before then and yet he looked up to me. And seeing me go bad made him give up on heroes too… and that was when I realized the kind of responsibility we all have to each other, because we never know when we're a hero to someone. I didn't know I was his hero… just like the Abdicator didn't know he was mine.

"Maybe there are no real heroes…" Rhonda sighed.

"What about Park?" Nadine spoke up from behind Rhonda. "Park took a stand."

"He shouldn't have." Arnold said, "I was the one Ludwig wanted. I should have been the one to take the fall."

"You can't always be the hero, buddy." Gerald said. "None of us can."

Eugene looked at Arnold and the others before continuing his unfolding speech.

"I know we didn't come up with the best plan in the world… or any plan really, more like the bare bones premise for what could become a good idea… but what we did have was a dream; a dream of bringing together a team of bold kids who could fight the battles that the little kids of the school couldn't… and Park went down still believing in our dream…"

"I'm not dead… I'm alive, you know, right?" Park said. "It's just a black eye-"

Eugene waved at him dismissively and said, "Could you just play dead for a minute? It would make the dramatic weight significantly more real."

"Okay… if it'll help…" Park said skeptically, and just laid back down and closed his eyes.

"Cut down in the prime of youth, and all to preserve what hope we had left…" Eugene bemoaned.

"Hope we intended to gift to the next generation." Peapod added, "A faint hope to inspire kids of this school… and those still to come."

"Showing kids that they could take a stand against bullying," Eugene said, "But we couldn't even take a stand against Ludwig ourselves…"

"Yeah, but only because we've spent all our energy fighting each other." Arnold said, "Curly hit us all right in our weak points and we did the rest… and then Ludwig took us down without even laying a finger on us…. well, most of us. Maybe if we stood together it would have been different."

"Yeah maybe…" Gerald spoke up, "But… if he divided and conquered us so we wouldn't take a stand against him… why didn't he just pound us all right here while we were down?"  
Everyone turned to Gerald, as his tone of voice suggested he was onto something.

"Wouldn't it have been easy for him to just pound us into the ground down here?" Gerald continued, "Instead he just tore down our spirits…"

"Mostly…" Park moaned.

"Shh…" Eugene hushed him again.

Phoebe crossed her arms and looked at Gerald thoughtfully, "Perhaps he gains just as much sick satisfaction by going after people psychologically."

"Yeah, but did you hear what he said?" Gerald asked, "He wasn't just shutting us down, if he wanted to we'd all be hanging by our underwear on the wall right now. He could've just beaten us without any witnesses right here…"

"So you're saying… wait, what are you saying?" Arnold asked.

"He was goading us… because he wants witnesses." Gerald said as an epiphany grew in him, "Ludwig doesn't just want to can the lower grades, he wants to make himself a legend, and to do that he wants to be seen taking us down!"

The other kids all exchanged glances amongst one another as Gerald got fired up.

"So he's set a trap for us…?" Arnold asked.

"That's right." Gerald said as he made a fist, "And now we're gonna take the bait."

"What?" Rhonda asked incredulously, "You think he's luring us into a trap and you want to just walk into it?"

"There are few traps that can't be turned against their architects…" Phoebe said with some mischief entering her voice. "If Gerald is correct, then I calculate the one factor Ludwig isn't expecting is that we know this is a trap…"

"That's crazy…" Arnold said.

"Yeah, it is." Gerald agreed, but then he smiled, "But… the whole world's gone crazy and… well, if there's one thing I've learned from you in all the years I've known you, Arnold… it's that the only way to beat crazy is to be even crazier sometimes."

Gerald smiled at his best friend and stuck out his fist. Arnold just looked at him blankly for a moment, but slowly a smile crept across his face and he stuck out his own fist and the two of them engaged in the secret handshake they had devised the day they had met so many years ago.

"Even crazier…" Arnold repeated Gerald's words thoughtfully.

"Okay." Rhonda said, "If we're going to make a stand I'm in."

"Me too." Nadine agreed.

"We all are." Sheena said, "Too bad we lost Helga…"

"She'll come back." Phoebe said, "I just know it."

"We can't afford to wait," Lila said.

"Now, if we only knew where this trap is going to be…" Arnold said.

Lila spoke up, "If I may remind you, Ludwig did say his plan was to drive the kids towards somewhere inescapable. Perhaps if as Gerald suggests, he intends for this to be an ever so symbolic victory, might it be somewhere significant to us?"

"Yeah, so what's a big enough space where he can trap upwards of fifty kids or more?" Gerald asked, "It'd have to be huge, but also boxed in, he'd need a whole battlefield, but one that's-"

Gerald froze as his eyes went wide. He snapped his fingers.

"Son of a gun!" he blurted and then turned to Arnold, "Come on man! We gotta beat him there!"

Gerald dashed over to the wall and grabbed a fire extinguisher, still gesturing for Arnold to go with him.

"Where?" Arnold asked slightly flabbergasted.

"The battlefield!" Gerald shouted, "Gerald Field! Meet us there! We'll go ahead!"

"Wait… your costumes!" Rhonda cried out.

"There's no time!" Gerald shouted back as he and Arnold dashed out of the door.

As Gerald spoke, suddenly the three thirty bell rang as a look of terror came across all others present.

"It's time…" Eugene said ominously.

Arriving at Gerald Field, Ludwig stood alone as Gino's thugs, directed by Curly, lined up roughly thirty full trash cans against the walls. Once the younger kids arrived, his army would box them in and Trash Can Day would be like shooting fish in a barrel. Ludwig sniffed the air and smiled with satisfaction.

"I love the smell of garbage in the-" He stopped himself and coughed, "Okay… no I don't… but still… this is gonna be awesome."

Back at PS118, dashing out the door ahead of all the other kids, Arnold and Gerald rushed over to the bike racks where Arnold had docked his bike that morning. Arnold leapt onto the seat and Gerald sat upon the handlebars still holding the fire extinguisher.

"What about the others?" Arnold asked.

"They'll catch up." Gerald insisted.  
"You sure about this?" Arnold asked.

"Not in the slightest." Gerald said "Let's do it."

Arnold commenced peddling as quickly as his legs allowed, as Gerald pointed the hose behind them and squeezed the trigger, and the extinguisher discharged pressurized air which propelled them forward as they sped off towards Gerald field.

* * *

_**And end of act 2. Thus begins the final battle... well, the first battle... **_


	15. Like Herding Cats

_**And so the team of HA! heroes at last meet the true greater scope villain of this saga. It's not Curly, it's not Ludwig, it's not even Wolfgang… it's the dreaded WRITER'S BLOCK, an invisible quasi-demonic entity that corrupts the mind and creative process, thus preventing the continuation of this universe. What a twist.**_

_**I've got the rest of the story mapped out and I know how it ends at least, and I think I'm finally getting there. Regardless, I think I may need a vacation after this one. I'm so very tired. Next story I write's going to amount to something simpler along the lines of "Eugene Stubs His Toe" or something. No… even that would probably turn into another 20 chapter epic…**_

_**In an eleventh hour twist I'm introducing another character… one who appeared on the show briefly and played a pivotal role in one of the chapter books.**_

* * *

Chapter 15: Like Herding Cats

At the tone of the school bell, Pandemonium abruptly coursed through the hallways of the school, and out of the front doors into the streets. Unsuspecting throngs of fifth and fourth graders ran in terror as the alpha sixth graders pursued them from behind. As they poured out into the streets they found a perimeter of sixth graders forming. As more of their pursuers goaded them forwards, several kids tried to break off from the herd but found themselves blocked by strategically stationed older kids. The confusion and fear felt by the two lower classes drove them all into a herd mentality as they all grouped together and fled in fear, unaware of the strategy being implemented by the bullying sixth graders.

Few among the younger kids knew what was happening or why, but not wanting to find out they all kept running, trying vainly to escape but to no avail. Boys and girls alike cried out in alarm as a team of running sixth graders pursued them from behind, and a seemingly endless wall of the bullies kept them all running in a line together.

Tension and conflicts between the grades had been seldom this past year, so to see the older kids so many of the younger ones looked up to suddenly turn on them filled them all with a sense of betrayal on top of the pure terror. Few kids had the time to wonder what was going to happen to them, but one such girl running alongside her fellow fifth graders found herself deep in thought despite the overwhelming fear she felt. The taller and more heavily built sixth graders dwarfed even the largest among her fifth grade peers, but even they stood tall around her. She was easily the shortest student in her class, and one who few ever seemed to notice, and as such she worried she might find herself being accidentally trampled by her own peers. For what she lacked in size or presence she made up for with her mind however, and it occurred to her that whatever the sixth graders had in store for her and her classmates they were clearly driving them somewhere. Most of the kids were grouping together for protection, but as the girl looked around frantically to find an escape, she noticed other kids trying to break away from the group were being redirected back into the panicky mob.

Suddenly without warning, she tripped and went down hard on the pavement. Not having time to wince in pain she shielded herself as the thundering footsteps of her class stampeded by her. Once they had passed, she realized her glasses had fallen off and so she began to fondle around trying to find them. When she found them she placed them back on and suddenly and unexpectedly saw a hand being offered to her. She looked up and saw it belonged to a tall lanky sixth grader with a long pointy nose.

"Ya'll okay, miss?" the boy asked.

"I…" she yelped in a tiny squeaky voice.

"Here, lemme help ya up." he said.

Strangely comforted by the sound of concern in his voice, without another thought she accepted and he pulled her to her feet. This boy had been among the mob of sixth graders chasing her and her peers, and now he had apparently broken character completely.

"Stinky!" another voice shouted

A much shorter boy wearing a green backwards cap ran up to them with a look of concern all over his face.

"What are you doing?" he asked in a panic, "If they see-"

Suddenly one of Big Gino's suited thugs shoved Stinky and bellowed in his face.

"Hey!" the thuggish boy shouted, "What do you think you're doing?"

"Uh… just uh… I mean, if we want them to get to the place and all they can't be lying on the ground or nothing…" Stinky fumbled for an excuse.

"Keep moving!" the thug shoved the small nerdy girl, sending her running off towards the rest of her class.

"Hey, we're cool here." Sid said with a forced smile, "We're all sixth graders, right?"

"I'm watching you two. When the time comes I'd better see some good canning or you two are getting canned with the rest of these shrimps!" the thug warned them before chasing off after the fleeing underclassmen, leaving Stinky and Sid just exchanging concerned looks.

"I think we may have gotten in too deep, Stinky…" Sid said.

"I reckon so…" Stinky said, but then he clenched his fists and adopted a look of hard determination, "We gotta prove our mettle now…"

On a parallel route to the vacant lot, Arnold and Gerald sped along on a single bike. The duo had rushed off to the vacant lot many a time after the average school day, but normally with the urgency of two overworked schoolboys looking to unwind, not two reluctant heroes on whose shoulders the fate of their school rested. Gerald's makeshift jet engine in the form of the fire extinguisher had given them a boost as Arnold expertly navigated the quickest route to Gerald Field that he alone knew. Arnold peddled as if the urgency of the situation was nipping at his heals, and yet it occurred to him he had no idea what they could do to stop Ludwig.

"What do we do when we get there?" Arnold panted.

"I'm still working on that…" Gerald said with little certainty, "But if there's one thing we're good at it's coming up with plans on the fly, right?"

"Let's hope so." Arnold said, "And hope the others can catch up before it's too late…"

"Just peddle, man." Gerald said, "Peddle and try to think of something so inspirational it could get through to Wolfgang…"

"You mean Ludwig?" Arnold asked.

"Same thing." Gerald huffed. "Basically."

Back in the basement of the school, Eugene surveyed the ruin that had once been his dream. After Arnold and Gerald had torn off towards Gerald Field, Phoebe, Lila, Rhonda and Nadine had set off after them and now the lower deckers so to speak were all that remained. Lorenzo was typing furiously on his laptop which fortunately was the last remaining computer Ludwig hadn't trashed.

"I've accessed a reconnaissance satellite orbiting above Hillwood…" he said, "We should have live visual feed any moment now…"

"Is this… legal?" Park asked.

"At the worst we'll be tried as minors." Peapod said. "Well worth the risk when you consider innocent kids may end up terribly, terribly smelly if we do nothing."

"I've got it!" Lorenzo shouted, "Wow… looks like Arnold and Gerald found a unique means of transport. It appears they've gotten ahead of the others… and it appears Rhonda and the others are just now jumping into her family's limo… based on their movements it appears Gerald's conjecture about the vacant lot was correct… and yes… oh wow. It appears that Ludwig and Curly are there… and they've lined the whole lot with full trash cans!"

"That's great!" Park shouted, but then clarified when the others looked at him oddly, "I mean… not the trash cans, I mean that we're able to get all this video feed now… so what can we do to help from here?"

"Do we have some sort of anti-bully satellite missile program?" Peapod asked, "Or what was it Helga said before? Death ray?"

"I'm afraid not." Lorenzo said, "I think the best way we can help, as much as I hate to admit it… won't be from the sidelines anymore. We may have to go an join them on the frontline."

"Are you kidding?" Eugene cut in, "Look at us! We're just a bunch of geeks! I doubt if even Arnold and Gerald can find a way to stop them now… we couldn't… after all my planning this has all been for…"

Sheena suddenly got right in Eugene's face, raised her palm next to him and slapped it.

"Sheena?" Eugene asked in confusion, "What…?"

"Stage slap." Sheena said, "I didn't want to actually hit you so… you know, stage combat. So just imagine I slapped you."

"Sheena? Is this really the time for…"

"Yes it is! It's our time! As geeks of the theater!" Sheena said with passion and zeal in her voice, "Maybe we can't stop them with brute force, but we can use our strengths: theatrics!"

"You heard Ludwig." Eugene reminded her, "This isn't the theater… this is real."

"And I'm not going to let that big jerk diminish what is our passion and allow him to beat us before we even put up a fight!" Sheena insisted, "You brought us all together to make us into heroes."

"But it was all fake…" Eugene said, "My plan was just to create the illusion of heroism… all we had going for us was the costuming… and we didn't really even get anywhere with that."

"Eugene, being a hero isn't about the look or even having all the right gear…" Sheena said, "It's about standing up for what you believe is right, even if it means being horribly pummeled by hordes of popular kids."

"Hear hear!" Peapod said in agreement, "I must agree with everything up until the last part… but even if we must be horribly pummeled then I say we go down in a noble cause." Peapod placed a hand on Eugene's shoulder and smiled, "A cause that you my friend started."

"I don't know…" Eugene sighed, "What can I really do?"

"Eugene…" Sheena took his hands and grinned, "You're not a stagehand, you're not a techie, you're not even a supporting player or a costar… you're a star. And the stage is calling you now… the stage of life."

Eugene looked at Sheena who stared at him in complete adoration. He had long considered her to be his best friend, and while he occasionally feared that she saw him as slightly more than that he now felt inspired by her words. Sure, she had appealed to his diva side, but if he could channel that little diva in him into something positive to help the other kids he had to give into it.

"Yes… yes I think you're right!" Eugene declared, "Some are born great, some achieve greatness, and now we've had greatness thrust upon us! Yes, though we likely go to our dooms we must away! And keep our sunny sides up!"

"What in the blue blazes are you dorks doing?" the acidic voice of Helga suddenly appeared.

All kids present whirled around and saw her standing in the doorway with her hands on her hips and glowering in their direction. To their alarm she wasn't alone either, with Big Patty and Harold flanking her on either side.

"Helga! You're back… um, Harold… Patty?" Eugene asked nervously.

"A little bird told us about your little costume crusade." Patty said.

"I'm the little bird, in case you're wondering, or I dunno… stupid or something." Helga added.

"Got room for three more?" Harold asked as a broad grin crossed his face.

Sheena and Eugene smiled, "Of course."

"Yes sir, that was my plan the whole time," Helga bluffed victoriously, "Pretend to give up and go recruit some muscle. I'm a hero! Thank me later! Let's suit up! Sheesh, what happened here?"

Helga dashed over towards the costume and props, now a gigantic mess on the floor and started plundering the piles of junk.

"What?" Park asked, "You still wanna… do the costume thing?"

"Well doi, wasn't that part of your whole dumb plan?" Helga asked, "To… I dunno, confuse them into submission or something?"

Eugene grinned as did Sheena.

"Helga's right! Lorenzo, grab the speakers!" Eugene shouted, "We're going to help save the day and we're going to do it to just the right music!"

"I hate to be the pragmatic voice, but…" Peapod spoke up, "With every second we waste here, I fear more kids are on the verge of being canned as we worry about what to wear…"

"Yeah yeah, you nerds go ahead then, and we'll get there when we get there. It'll be a big dramatic moment and everything." Helga said nonchalantly as she riffled through the pile of theater props, and then grabbed a slingshot that she held up, "Hey Sheena, do these come in gold?"

Standing to Ludwig's left in the vacant lot, Curly rather uncharacteristically quietly contemplated his day's work. His enthusiasm for Ludwig's cause hadn't vanished, but he didn't feel his twisted little heart entirely in it at the moment. It had dawned on him that he more or less had appointed himself as Ludwig's right hand man without ever officially being dubbed thusly, and now he realized he didn't even have the honor of standing at Ludwig's right side. His inner monologue stirred into action.

_Strange feelings brew within me. I threw in with this lot to feel part of something… sure, I talked a good game before but did I mean what I said? Who knows… I'm too whimsical for even me to figure out. But soft… through yonder windows something smelly this way comes… the repugnant smell of boldness and altruism… _

"They're here." Ludwig said as two kids on a bike appeared in the distance, "Perfect."

* * *

_**Right, so… audience participation… one of the reasons I've been slow with getting the final act of this story out is that I've been struggling to come up with hero identities for a lot of the kids. I kind of weaseled out of it with Arnold and Gerald who are just heroes already (well, okay their costumes are coming still), but hey if anyone has any ideas for Rhonda, Lila, and the like feel free to voice your ideas and I might adapt them.**_

_**Curly once used a fire extinguisher as a frickin jetpack on the actual show, so I guess Arnold and Gerald using one as a jet engine on their bike doesn't feel too farfetched for this universe. **_


	16. Heel-Face Turns

_**Here comes... something. **_

* * *

Chapter 16: Heel Face Turns

Finally, Arnold and Gerald reached the vacant lot just as the fire extinguisher at last gave out. They both leapt from the bike and hit the pavement running. As they got close they beheld a terrible sight. They hadn't seen so much garbage on the field since they had first cleared it of junk two years ago and transformed it into Gerald Field. Standing around numerous cans on the field were a number of Gino's thugs flanking Ludwig and Curly who stood expectantly on the field.

"Man, this takes me back." Gerald groaned, "In all sorts of bad ways…"  
"I'm not exactly feeling nostalgic either." Arnold sighed, "But we gotta do something."

"Think of a plan on the way here?"

"I was thinking Statue of Liberty, double reverse, flea flicker, razzle-dazzle, fumble-rooski."

Gerald looked at Arnold skeptically.

"Yeah, but then I remembered this isn't football." Arnold sighed, "I'm still working on the plan… but right now we just gotta stall them somehow."

"Then let's do it, man…"  
"Gearld, you're bold."

Gerald smiled at Arnold, feeling as if the wedge between them earlier had never even happened now. In the distance they could hear loud cries of kids echoing through the streets. They knew it wouldn't be long before the onslaught began, and so the duo bumped fists in solidarity and marched straight towards Ludwig. Unsurprising to Gearld, Ludwig was staring straight at them as if he had been expecting them. Curly stood by him, though he didn't look as enthusiastic or even crazed as he appeared earlier. Two of Gino's thugs moved to stop Gerald and Arnold, but Ludwig motioned for them to stand aside.

"You got my invitation. Good." Ludwig said with smug satisfaction dripping in his voice.

"So you can beat us up with an audience?" Gerald asked. "How could we refuse?"

Ludwig chuckled lightly.

"How else are they going to learn? The kind of world you dopes tried to create is just… impossible. The future can never… be…"

To both Arnold and Gerald's shock, Ludwig's face which had only ever fluctuated between smug, menacing or outright furious suddenly softened to a degree that frightened them even more than his usual expressions.

"I remember… the first time I got beaten up at that dump of a school. It was for my lunch money back in first grade. Second time it happened I had no lunch money to give, but they beat the snot out of me anyway. Third time they did it… I still had no money, and I didn't even have any tears left to shed."

Ludwig let out a long world-wearied sigh, as Arnold and Gerald exchanged glances. Curly too looked slightly perturbed by this unexpected show of sentiment from Ludwig.

"It was a harsh place, that school… this neighborhood. And it bred harsh kids. It was the only way to survive." Ludwig said solemnly, "But you… you geeks brought something new. You made this place into some kind of kid utopia. A place where kids could just be good to one another without fear." Ludwig paused and an almost remorseful look passed his handed face.

"I… I used to want that, I guess." Ludwig said ruefully, "If I was still at the age when it seemed so easy to believe in magic…"

Arnold looked at Ludwig searchingly, though warily as he knew this could all just be a trap.

"That ship sailed a long time ago." Ludwig said with a sigh, "I've seen the world for what it is. And I've seen enough to know the world you're trying to create is… just not possible."

The fiendish look in Ludwig's eyes returned and he smiled menacingly at the two boys.

"Trash Can Day's here. You can't stop it any more than I can." Ludwig said smugly, "But… I assume you want me to stop it. So go ahead. I assume you came here to appeal to my heart."

"Actually." Arnold said, "We came to warn you."

Ludwig's brow raised in slight surprise and amusement.

"Warn me?" he asked.

"Yeah." Arnold said, "You think what we want is impossible? You really should be more worried about your own plan. Because I've thought it over and… sorry to disappoint you, but it's just not gonna work."

Ludwig smiled at Arnold's notion.

"Not gonna work, huh?" he scoffed, "What's gonna stop me?"

"The Mitigators." Gerald said.

Ludwig again looked unimpressed.

"That's a really dumb name…" he said.

"Yeah, we know." Arnold shrugged, "Eugene's idea, not ours. But let's really look at the two opposing ideas here… you want to just take an old idea and make it a little bigger, contrast that with what Eugene has planned. Something new. Something bold. Something visionary. Something that's never tried before. Something the Wolfgangs of the world never had a big enough picture to see."

"Because it's a dumb idea." Ludwig reiterated.

"What are you guys gonna do?" Curly mocked them, "Jump the shark? Ha!"

"Shut up, freak." Ludwig pushed Curly aside. "Still. He did his job and split you all up. I guess I did my job a little too well with demoralizing you all… and now it's gonna be just you two trying to stop us."

"Yeah, that was a bad idea." Gerald said, "Sure, you made us all mad at each other… but we worked through it and came out stronger. That's how real friendships work. So when the others get here, well, they're not mad at each other anymore, they're all mad at you. You've got us to deal with… just to name a few you've got Arnold, the living legend of Hillwood, me the urban lore master, an adorable genius renaissance ninja, a girl with issues that could startle Freud… and you… you've just got some thugs who are aimlessly upset because you told them to be."

"What I have is an army." Ludwig scowled.

"We have a Torvald." Gerald stated.

"We do?" Arnold asked in confusion, "I thought they finally moved him to junior high-"

"Thank you, Arnold." Gerald groaned, "It was a good bluff while it lasted… for all of two seconds…"

"I told you theatrics weren't going to work." Ludwig laughed.

"Yeah, but that still doesn't change that you're not going to get what you want in the end." Gerald said, "There's no legend of Ludwig that's ever going to happen. Maybe we won't be able to stop you, maybe you'll can every last kid that comes here but by tomorrow it'll all be for nothing. They're not gonna remember you, they're gonna remember the kids who helped them… because if we can't fix everyone's problems you can be sure we'll mitigate them."

"That… really is a stupid name…" Ludwig groaned.

"WE KNOW." Arnold and Gerald said together.

"You might've scared a bunch of normally good kids into following you." Arnold said, "But when push comes to shove… they're gonna show their true colors. And they're not like you. Even Curly."

Curly shook his head and gnashed his teeth furiously.

"Me? Why you bringing me into this?" Curly shouted, "I mean… I appreciate the attention but…"

"Curly?" Arnold looked at his classmate and smiled, "Thanks."

"Huh?" Curly stuttered.

"For everything you did." Arnold said, "You tried to turn us against each other, and you did for a while. You had us all fighting each other instead of Ludwig, but thanks to you we just came out of it stronger. You tested our friendships and… well, we passed. There's nothing we can do but thank you."  
Gerald looked at Arnold skeptically, but then he smirked and looked at Curly.

"Yeah man, I think Arnold's right." he chuckled, "You did right by us. Thanks, man."

Curly clenched his fists and scowled.

"No!" he shouted, "I am the herald of Trash Can Day! The savior of PS118! The trash baptist! I AM-"

Curly abruptly stopped as he felt the presence of two otherworldly figures materializing. On his right shoulder a tiny angelic version of Arnold appeared, and to his left appeared a demonic Helga-like figure.

"Now?" he asked, "Seriously? Not in front of the guys…"  
"My child…" the angelic Arnold said tenderly.

"Come to tell me how wrong I am, again?" Curly asked.

Gerald, Arnold and Ludwig just stared at Curly, all three of them looking equally confused.

"No, Curly." the shoulder angel said, "We've talked it over."

The demon Helga agreed, "We've decided you are beautiful and you are wonderful and we love you. And whatever you decide is the right choice."

"Uh…" Curly stuttered, "So… you're giving me ethical carte blanche? Doesn't seem like such a good idea with a wild card like me… I mean, I once pelted people with dodgeballs just for not getting my way, so imagine if I'd found a-"

"What the heck are you doing, you little freak?" Ludwig suddenly bellowed. "Are you seriously talking to yourself? I don't know why I even thought you'd be useful in all this.. you're just a twisted little freak! You're useless!"

"Useless?" Curly shouted back, "I broke the Mitigators! I should be the savior of PS118! Not you! You're just the muscle! I'm the true architect of-"

Curly was abruptly cut off by Ludwig's tight grip on his shirt collar. The small boy struggled in Ludwig's grasp as he dangled in the air.

"What are you doing?" Curly shouted, "Put me down."

"Gladly." Ludwig said, "You've gotten a little big for your britches, freak. And I can't have anyone on the inside getting in the way…"

Ludwig carried Curly over towards the line of garbage cans. Curly furiously thrashed in his grip but to no avail.

"NO!" Curly shouted, "I am a sixth grader! A god among kids, and I will not be-"

"Taking you on was a mistake." Ludwig said as he dangled Curly above the garbage can, "And I can't have any mistakes getting in the way."

And then with monstrous force, Ludwig shoved Curly into the can of festering refuse, plunging him as deeply into the fly and maggot-infested receptacle as his muscular arms could. As he shoved the boy into the rotting filth, the sounds of screaming fourth and fifth grades overwhelmed him. He looked up and saw the crowd of kids drawing close to the vacant lot. Arnold and Gerald fought back against their fears and fixed Ludwig with a defiant look of challenge, but Ludwig only reacted with enthusiasm.

"They're here." Ludwig said with a sadistic grin, "Now begins the cleansing… with garbage…"

Closing in behind the fleeing underclassmen, Stinky could feel his adrenaline pumping through his veins. As scores of fourth and fifth graders all cried out in fear in a panicky mob, he felt the need to prove his mettle to the kids who had agitated him and his friends for reasons he didn't even understand. A few kids attempted to fight back against the larger kids urging them onward, but they were quickly forced back into the fleeing crowd. In his heart, Stinky had no real desire to take part in this senseless violence, and wished he could find the courage to stand against Ludwig. Instead he found himself trying to force his more savage instincts into play. They had reached the vacant lot, and now they were expected to plop the younger kids into trash cans. As he passed by an enormous dumpster, Stinky tapped into some berserker state, and he indiscriminately grabbed for a small kid nearby and lifted him into the air.

"Hey!" the kid shouted, "What are you doing?"

Crying out in pain for what he was forcing himself to do, Stinky slammed the kid into the dumpster and instantly sank to his knees. He'd done it. He'd canned a fourth or fifth grader. He felt no sense of pride or accomplishment for doing so, and instead just felt dirty. He felt even dirtier a moment later when a voice cut through his very soul.

"Stinky…?" a small voice from the trash can came.

Rising from the trash can, Stinky could see a boy's head, wearing a backwards green cap atop his stringy black hair.

"Sid?" Stinky gasped, now mortified by his own actions.

"Stinky… it's me…" Sid said weakly.

Stinky grabbed his friend and pulled him from the dumpster, as remorse and disgust for his own mistake overtook him.

"I just… I dunno… I panicked… I thought you were one of…"

Sid and Stinky stared at one another. All around them the terrified cries of younger kids echoed across the city. Both boys had known in their hearts for some time now that they had chosen the wrong side, but they had both been too afraid to act on it.

"What have we become…" Stinky asked, "I'm sorry Sid!"

Sid just stared back at him with big watery eyes.

"I reckon Arnold might've been right…" Stinky said.

"I guess so…" Sid said in embarrassment, "I forgot how bad it was… being a little fourth grader getting stuffed in the trash… I…" Sid's eyes abruptly watered too, "I don't want any more kids to go through it! It's too horrible!"

"You're right, Sid!" Stinky too joined in the crying, "We… we gotta stop this!"

The two boys looked over at the field and saw Arnold and Gerald standing before Ludwig defiantly.

"Looks like they're making a stand." Sid said.

"We gotta help them!" Stinky declared.

"Yeah!" Sid agreed, "Come on, let's go! Before it's too late!"

"Not yet. First I need my comeuppance." Stinky said, "For what I did to ya, Sid. I gotta take my medicine."

Stinky glanced at the dumpster he had thrown Sid into and clenched his fists

"Stinky, no!" Sid reached out as he shouted melodramatically but to no avail.

Stinky threw himself into the same dumpster he had thrown Sid in. Stinky didn't just take a dip in the rotting trash, he wallowed in it. The tall lanky boy sank down into the putrid filth until he disappeared from sight. Sid was mortified by the sight.

"Stinky… that's enough!" Sid cried, "It was an accident! You don't have to do this to yourself for me!"

Then, rising from beneath the surface, Stinky's head appeared and he slowly began to ascend upwards until he stood tall atop the dumpster. He had been coated in putrid rotting garbage, and yet he looked strangely victorious, as if somehow renewed by the experience.

"Stinky…?" Sid asked.

"Once I was just called Stinky." he responded, "Now through my baptism by garbage… I have become… Stinky."

"Oh." Sid said, "Is that your uh… is that your hero name? Are we doing those?"

"We can decide later, Sid. I reckon we're almost out of time. Let's go!" Stinky dashed off towards Gerald Field and Sid followed on his heel.

* * *

**_It pained me from the start to put Sid and Stinky on the bad side, but it was because I had this little redemption scene in mind all along. It's oddly the most touching thing to me..._**


	17. Mitigators Muster

_**It begins. To end. Let's begin.**_

* * *

Chapter 17: Mitigators Muster

Surrounded in dank foul smelling darkness, Curly listened to the cries of terror from outside the can. For once in his life he had to appreciate the irony of his situation, and couldn't help but see some poetic justice to it.

"I help bring back Trash Can Day in some twisted attempt to empower myself, and yet just like last time I'm the first one in the can… will growth spurts never happen to me?!"

Curly could hear the crowd outside drawing nearer and nearer. He had no desire to be seen by anyone at this moment and so he just continued to wallow in garbage.

"The phrase 'hoisted by his own petard' comes to mind…" he muttered to himself. "Do I now renounce my evil ways and aid those annoyingly heroic heroes… or stay here and think about the irony some more, whilst I take in the enchanting fragrance of this tomb of my own making? Let's see… that would be old chunky meat sauce I smell… possibly cheese, there seems to be a bit of a diaper atop my head, those would be maggots I feel wriggling down my shorts, and… hey! This Yahoo bottle is recyclable! This shouldn't be in here! Not cool…"

Outside the can on the filed, Arnold and Gerald surveyed the stampede of kids running towards them. The two of them raised their arms and tried to beckon them to stop but to no avail.

"Go back!" Arnold shouted.

"It's a trap!" shouted Gerald.

Their warning cries fell on deaf ears, as Ludwig's army of sixth graders drove the kids into the vacant lot with all the coordination and expertise of dogs herding sheep. Once they were all inside, a line of the tallest and bulkiest kids formed along the open side of the field, preventing any escape. A number of sixth graders grabbed the trash cans and carried them over to form them into a huge wall, ensuring the only way out for any of them was going through the trash first. The fourth and fifth graders clumped together into a massive circle, all quivering in fear as Gerald looked at Arnold in desperation, seeing a hardened look of determination on his friend's face. Ludwig and his lieutenants formed up and stood on the street side of the field. Gino and Dicky stood on either side of him and grinned smugly.

"Welcome, fourth and fifthies." Ludwig said making a grand welcoming gesture with open arms, "Welcome to the future. I know the future may look scary, but don't be afraid. You all get to leave in one piece. Only way out is through the trash…"

He gestured to the line of Sixth graders standing dutifully by the open trash cans and grinning mischievously.

"All you fifth graders were denied your rites of passage last year, when our grade shamefully desecrated a most hallowed tradition… Trash Can Day. Today, we're righting that wrong."

"That's not gonna happen, Ludwig!" Arnold shouted back, "We're not gonna let you!"

Ludwig grinned, "And here's the man himself, who took up the reigns of our grade and threw Trash Can Day… in the trash. He and his friends ruled the school with kindness… and look what it's done; turned you all into a bunch of pampered brats unprepared for the harshness of the world. And now I'm here to remind you all that we're all just trash waiting to be thrown out of our dumpster of a school, into this landfill of a world!"

The younger kids all murmured in fear as Arnold and Gerald stood between them and Ludwig's gang, trying in vain to act as a shield.

"So… any volunteers?" Ludwig asked, "We can do this the easy way… or the hard way."

No one responded to his dubious offer.

"No?" Ludwig asked, "Oh good, then we do it the old fashioned way."

He cracked his knuckles as a wild feral grin formed on his face. He then snapped his fingers and a first wave of sixth graders advanced on the younger kids.

"Arnold? We could really use one of your infamous crazy ideas about now…" Gerald murmured.

"Right now the only plan is containment." Arnold said.

"Containment? We're already contained!" Gerald said, "If we were any more contained… well we'd be inside the trash cans. And spoiler alert, that's probably what's gonna happen here…"

"We've got to hold back Ludwig's gang," Arnold said, "Keep ourselves between them and the kids…"

"Great idea." Gerald said, "Only one small problem. There's about thirty of them and two of us!"

"Make that four!" another voice shouted from the street side of the filed. Arnold and Gerald looked over and saw Sid and Stinky, both covered in filth running towards them. Gerald struck a defensive pose and scowled at them.  
"Don't do it you two…" he growled, and then sniffed the air in disgust, "Oh man! Did you two clowns can yourselves?"

"Unimportant, forget about it. What matters is that we switched sides! We're with you guys!" Sid insisted.

"Huh?" Arnold and Gerald gasped in surprise.

"I think we done experienced character development." Stinky said proudly, "That is to say we've built character, through trial and error, and learned from our-"

"Yeah, great Stinky we can hear all about it later…" Gerald said.

"I knew you two would come around." Arnold said proudly.

"You did?" Gerald asked skeptically.

"Well I… you know, I see the good in everybody… oh forget it. Come on guys. Form up. Stinky? We can use your size advantage here." Arnold said, then he turned back to the huddled mass of younger kids.

"Everyone, listen!" he shouted, "We're here to help. Fifth graders? I need the biggest of you all on the outside, keep the smaller kids further back. Form up we can hold them back."

"And what're ye going to be doing to stop those ruffians?" the fifth grade girl known only as Campfire Lass spoke up.

"We'll stay on the front line and try to keep them away," Arnold, "Either by winning hearts and minds…"

"… or by kicking some butt." Gerald said, "Arnold? Might be time to embrace that 'Dark Arnold' side of you just a little."

As the larger fifth graders all formed a shield around the smaller kids, Arnold turned his face towards the oncoming crowd of his fellow classmates and now adversaries. He stared at them through half-lidid eyes and his 'Dark Arnold' look crossed his face, which surprisingly actually stopped the oncoming kids as his break in character appeared to intimidate them. Among the approaching kids Arnold only had a passing familiarity with most of them, save for Iggy, and some other kid who had once stolen his baseball.

"Iggy…" Arnold said warningly, "You don't want to do this…"

Iggy frowned in response, "I used to be cool… this is the only way to get that back!"

"This isn't the way to do that." Arnold insisted.

The two boys scowled at one another. Arnold hadn't said two words to Iggy since two years ago, when after accidentally spilling Iggy's secret bunny pajama wearing habit Iggy had forced him to atone for his by humiliating himself in front of half the city by wearing the same pajamas. The leaked secret of course hadn't really been Arnold's fault, and so after needlessly suffering humiliation to appease Iggy's pettiness, he had developed a grudge towards him ever since.

"What are you twerps waiting for? There's only four of them!" Ludwig's voice bellowed. "Now get-"

The piercing sound of screeching tires abruptly cut through the air an silenced Ludwig. He turned around and saw a large limousine had pulled up on the street behind them, which his underlings all now stared at in surprise. Suddenly the car doors flew open and swifter than lightning four figures leapt out of the vehicle and struck a pose together. At the center stood Phoebe, still wearing her black kimono and now brandishing a bamboo stick, and her face had been painted white and with red and black stripes. This combined with the frightening scowl she wore give her a surprisingly frightening appearance for a girl so petite and normally quiet. To her left stood Nadine, donned in a black bodysuit with a yellow utility belt around her waist, and wearing large bug eyed yellow goggles. To Phoebe's right stood Lila, similarly donned in all black though in a muscle suit that somehow managed to make her slender frame appear massively bulky and muscular almost in the league of Ludwig himself. And for whatever reason she also wore a large backpack. Rhonda stood behind Phoebe, but towered over her for all to see her positively blinding costume, which amounted to another full body suit, but unlike the others hers was bright crimson and accentuated by a long flowing cape to match, complete with what appeared to be the latest in Nancy Spumoni's line of signature boots. She held two smartphones in either hand and was both snapping selfies with one phone and filming with the other.

"What… the…?" Gino scratched his head, "Who's they gonna… I mean… what's with the crazy getups… are they gonna larp us to death?"

With a sudden wild warlike shriek Phoebe abruptly charged forward, breaking through the line of kids standing by their garbage cans and knocking two of them down as she ran the blockade. Nadine followed behind her and grabbed two metallic cans from her belt and shook them furiously. Pointing them in the faces of two boys standing in her way she pressed the buttons atop the cans and a spray of silly string shot out into their faces, blinding them for a moment and allowing her to slip past.

Lila simply walked up towards two boys that she towered over and shoved them aside much to their surprise. Lila didn't look it, but owing to an upbringing on her family farm she had developed surprising upper body strength, and now with the muscle suit she wore she at last looked about as strong as she secretly was. Rhonda similarly just stepped towards another pair of kids now looking slightly nervous as she fearlessly gestured for them to step aside.  
"Touch me and I'll sue!" Rhonda hissed at him, "Now step aside, losers!"

Shocked and startled by what they were seeing, they allowed her to pass as Ludwig shouted in anger.

"What are you doing! Stop them! They're just girls!" he growled.

This caught the attention of the sixth grade girls on his side, who all shot him looks of disgust. Ludwig had sold everyone on his apparent belief in the equality of the sexes, but now it appeared his true colors had leaked out just a bit. Meeting the eyes of the girls on his team he shook his head and tried to cover himself.

"I mean they're just… little girls. They're little!" he clarified, but it didn't seem to help him any.

Phoebe, Rhonda, Lila and Nadine all rushed over towards the other defenders and stood with them before the attacking sixth graders, who were still too dumbfounded and apparently afraid to come any closer.

"Okay, that makes eight of us." Gerald said, "Things are looking slightly up…"

"Time for you two to suit up." Rhonda said insistently, "You are not ruining the aesthetic of our artistic vision."

"Rhonda, this is war… not performance art." Gerald said.

"Yeah? Well so is wrestling." Rhonda huffed.

Phoebe giggled, "Oh you are so lucky Helga didn't hear you say that… but Rhonda's right. Lila?"  
Lila whipped off her back back and withdrew two more costume pieces, the Captain Sanctimony costume Rhonda had revealed earlier, and one other costume that appeared to be a long purple cloak and hood.

"What in the name of Pop Daddy is that?" Gerald asked.

"Gerald? You're the keeper of all legends, the most all knowing of all of us, you're no sidekick." Phoebe said, "In my eyes and in the eyes of many others… you're the king." She reached into the backpack and pulled out a golden plastic crown. Like a cricket she leapt up, ringed the crown over Gerald's hair and onto his head. "And the king rules…"

"Well, better than 'Arsenic.'" Gerald said, but then as he adjusted the crown on his head he smiled. "Sorry, Arnold, guess I'm the king again… don't worry, not gonna get back into that after this…"

Arnold rolled his eyes, remembering a time when Gerald had gotten a little carried away with the role-play card game 'The King Rules' where he had ended up in a costume very similar to this one.

Stinky and Sid meanwhile expressed their own confusion.

"Wait… you guys formed a superhero team?" Sid asked, "Why didn't you just tell us? That sounds way better than canning those kids!"

"Yeah… got any spares for us?" Stinky asked.

Lila shrugged her shoulders, "I'm ever so sorry… I'm afraid I didn't realize you'd have such a timely a change of heart."

"Aw geez…" Stinky moaned, "Then I guess we're just the Garbage Can Kids or sometin… with the powers of being stinky."

Lila giggled and gave Stinky a flirty look, "Somehow it suits you."

The Campfire Lass poked her head out of the crowd of younger kids and spoke up again, "Um, do ye still need us here? Or is this all between ye and Ludwig now? If so we'll just take the low road out of here..."

Ignoring her, Arnold voiced his concern, "Um, guys? Do we really have time to put these on-"  
"Put them on!" Rhonda shouted, "These jerks will wait." She raised a fist toward's Ludwig's goons, who were still just looking on in complete bewilderment for what the heck was supposed to be happening.

After an awkward minute or so passed, Gerald now stood donned in a very regal looking attire stood among his fellow costumed freaks looking oddly pleased with himself.

"I am King Legendary Man of Legends… or something…" he said half triumphantly.

Arnold similarly stood in his full body suit that matched his usual turquoise sweater, only with a ridiculous looking flannel pattern red and yellow cape that looked like his shirttails people often mistook for a kilt or a skirt. Everyone looked at him, with their reactions a mixture of suppressed laughter or nausea. Rhonda especially looked perturbed and shook her head.

"Oh…" she said in slight disappointment, "I thought you could pull this off with your unique sense of style but… this really needs some revising…"  
"Save it for the sequel…" Arnold groaned, "I'm in it now, so let's just…"

"All right, enough fooling around!" Ludwig bellowed from across the field. "Can the dweebs, now!"

Iggy and the others on the front line just hesitated in response.

"Come on!" Ludwig urged, "We're the cool kids, they're the geeks! And we're not gonna let a bunch of geeks stop the natural order of-"

"Yeah? So what if we're geeks?" Rhonda shouted, while still filming herself, "We may be geeks, but we're also cooler than you'll ever be! I used to think being cool meant being above everyone else. Having the right shoes, the right clothes, the most followers… I used to think being cool meant just doing what was popular and excluding everyone who didn't fit that mold. But I know now. Being cool means not being afraid to be yourself. It means flying your freak flag high and not caring what anyone else thinks! It means being cool to people and not being a total piece of crap!"

Rhonda finished her speech by throwing a peace sign at her phone and posing for another selfie. She grinned with satisfaction as she saved and shared the video on her homepage. Arnold, Gerald and the others all looked at her in surprise as her impassioned rant sounded very Helga-esque, and that was just the kind of resolve they needed now. To their further surprise and delight they saw Iggy and the other kids on the front line nodding as if in agreement.

"Yeah…" Iggy said, "Yeah I think you guys are right."

Then Iggy and the others lowered their guards and walked over and joined the line of hero kids. Arnold smiled smugly at Iggy, who just returned his smile with one of his own.

"Sorry we don't have bunny pajamas or something for you in that backpack." Arnold quipped.

"Oh, actually I did pack some." Lila said, pulling out a pair of white footy pajamas with big bunny ears, "In case of an emergency…"

Arnold and Iggy just blinked in surprise. Of all the coincidences and unlikely occurrences today, this one seemed about the least likely one yet.

"What kind of emergency were you planning for…?" Arnold asked.

Iggy however just grabbed for the pajamas and pulled them on over his clothes.

"There." he said, "If I just wear these with no shame like all of you then… then I can live with myself. I'm a geek!"

Arnold smiled, "And geek is the new cool."

"That's it…" Ludwig growled, "You! Italian stereotypes! Get them!"

He looked at Gino who gestured for his gang of hulking suited thugs to advance on the Mitigators.

Arnold, Gerald, Phoebe, Stinky, Sid, Rhonda, Nadine, Lila, and now even Iggy struck defensive poses and positioned themselves in front of the crowd of kids whose looks of confusion had slowly given way to looks of awe and adoration now.

The largest of Gino's thugs approached Arnold and raised a fist high in the air, but he paused suddenly when a strange sound started filling the air around them.

"Is that…" he asked, "… music?"

Everyone glanced around, they could indeed hear the swirling sounds of stringed instruments ringing out all around them but no one could locate the source. The strings were suddenly joined by loud bombastic brass instruments playing a foreboding tune.

"Yeah…" Arnold said in confusion, "That's music all right…"

"That's not just music…" Phoebe said with a grin, "That would be Wagner's 'Ride of the Valkyries…"

The thuggish boy standing before them shook his head and snapped his attention back to Arnold. Again he raised his fist and tried to take a swing at the boy, but suddenly as if shooting out of the heavens a small projectile struck the thug on the back of his head, causing him to stumble forward. The other boys of Gino's gang frantically glanced around, and one by one they too were struck with the same tiny projectiles that had hit the first boy. Wincing in pain they looked upward and gasped.

Ludwig and the rest of his gang too looked upwards and their faces went wide with shock. Arnold and the others looked upward at the roof of the building surrounding Gerald Field and saw the silhouettes of three figures against the sunlight. The two hulking frames of Harold and Patty stood together scowling down at Ludwig's team. Harold was shirtless, shoeless and had appeared to have painted himself blue, while Patty wore a Lucha Libre inspired wrestling getup and boxing gloves. And standing over them with one foot on either of their shoulders perched Helga, aiming her slingshot down at the offending sixth graders. She had donned herself in leather armor, a golden breastplate and atop her head rested a horned viking helmet. Just barely in view behind them they could see Lorenzo, who had set up a pair of speakers hooked up to his laptop now blasting operatic music.

"Ha, ha!" Sid shouted and pointed at Ludwig tauntingly, "You guys are so dead now!"

"Helga." Arnold said softly but with immense joy and excitement in his tone.

All across the field, a noticeable shift in the overall mood overtook everyone. Ludwig's army of sixth graders, while still outnumbering the costumed kids all looked apprehensive, confused, or just outright afraid by the insane display before them. Helga grinned madly and sniffed the air.

"I can smell their fear…" she said.

"I think that's the garbage." Patty said.

"Whatever." Helga huffed, then raised her slingshot and aimed it at Ludwig and bellowed, "BRING ME LUDWIG!"

* * *

**_The Three Unibrows unite! Together they are... the Unibullies. Sorry. Now if I can just end this story without going back on the morals I've established and have them all just resort to good old fashioned violence... good thing the HA! audience is all 20-30 somethings now and not the 5-11 crowd we once were..._**

_**I don't know what compelled me to make callbacks to some of the most hated episodes… but I had that idea of Iggy dressing in bunny pajamas as his alter ego a while back and wanted to use it somehow…**_

_**If you missed it in one of my earlier stories, Lila bested Helga in a fight and revealed she secretly has near superhuman strength thanks to doing farm chores as a kid. That's why she's stronger than the other kids here.**_

_**Thanks to EnvytheSkunk and Kryten for helping me to think up some hero identities… which ought to have been the first thing I came up with for this story but… oh well. I'm a consummate procrastinator. You will note I didn't give their names yet… just their costumes… haven't quite decided on those yet.**_


	18. Trash Can Day

_**Helga, Patty and Harold sure know how to make an entrance. Alas they don't have actual superpowers so let's see how long the effect lasts...**_

* * *

Chapter 18: Trash Can Day

Ludwig's sixth grade army still outnumbered the band of rebels who now stood between them and their targets, and yet even at the bottom of his stone heart he felt the same apprehension in the air that now paralyzed all in his company. In the blink of an eye it was as if the world had turned against them and now the costumed geeks parading before them appeared to hold all the power. Ludwig knew of course that their power was mere illusion; the very theatrics they hoped to use against them may fool lesser sixth graders, but fortunately they had him to lead them. He clenched up his fists and surveyed his followers. He still had all of Gino's outsized goons and the bulk of the sixth grade class still at his side, and yet not one of them seemed to even share half of the bravado or resolve exuded by Arnold's team. As much as he hated to admit it they now lacked that elusive force of fighting spirit.

Far from having lost their own fighting spirit, atop the roof Harold, Helga, and Patty tossed three ropes that cascaded down to the ground level, then the three of them then proceeded to shimmy down to the battlefield. With their higher centers of gravity, Patty and Harold beat Helga to the ground, while she on the other hand seemed to get stuck halfway down like a timid cat stuck up a tree.

"Oh son of a…" she muttered as she struggled down the rope, "Crap, I think my foot is caught. Just… just gimme a sec I think I'm stuck… ow, I got rope burn… oh man, how far down am I? Heck of a time to be afraid of heights… hey, can you guys form a human trampoline or something, just to be safe? And none of you better be looking up this stupid viking skirt thingy!"

"This is just embarrassing." Ludwig chuckled to himself as he watched from the street.

Everyone else too watched as Helga clumsily struggled in the air trying to get down to the ground. Patty and Harold stood as spotters underneath her waiting to catch her if she fell. When she finally reached their waiting arms, they both helped her to the ground and she instantly regained her bravado.

"Okay, we're good!" Helga grunted as she shoved her way to the front line, "All right, we're here to chew gum and thrash you jerks!"

"And we're all out of gum!" Harold bellowed, "And Mr. Fudgie bars…"

Arnold beamed at his girlfriend as he stepped closer to her, unable to hold back the pure adoration he felt. He also found her viking getup strangely attractive, just like everything else about her was strangely attractive to him.

"I knew you'd come back." he said.

Helga looked him over and feebly tried to restrain herself from laughing at his attire.

"I guess they gave you the 'Captain Dweeb' costume by mistake…" she snickered.

Arnold smiled at her in spite of her jab.

"You don't look so bad yourself." he said.

"I mean it's a look that challenges people..." Helga noted. "It's bold."

"Really?" Arnold asked.

"Yeah." Helga said, "It says 'Hey, world! I look like this and I don't even care.'"

Arnold frowned momentarily but smiled, unable to hide how much he had missed her in just a few short ours.

"I'm glad you're here, Helga. You too, Harold. Patty."

"Hope we're gonna be enough." Patty said, her voice fraught with some noticeable nervousness.

Arnold smiled reassuringly at her.

"With you three we've got brawn and brains." he said, "Let's hope we just need to use one of those…"

Ludwig meanwhile continued to clench up his fists and his teeth, seemingly enraged by the outlandish student rebellion unfolding before him, but then he abruptly burst out into a fit of maniacal laughter almost on Curly or Helga's level. His fellow classmates looked around with nervous awkwardness and joined in laughing with him not even half-heartedly.

"What're you laughing at, big shot?" Helga shouted across the field, but then she looked Arnold over again and giggled lightly, "Apart from the obvious…"

"Oh man, today just keeps getting better…" Ludwig said through his suffocating laughter, "My friends, I gathered you all here to forge a new legend, but this… this is just going to make our victory here sweeter than I ever dreamed…"

"Ludwig?" Gino asked, "These guys and gals, they're… they're crazy… this is getting way too serious… you didn't say nothing about having to fight no crazies."

Ludwig ignored the kid mobster leader and pointed at Helga, "I see you found your nerve again, Pinky."

"Forget nerve, you're about to see my sensitive side!" Helga growled back at him with her fist clenched. "If I can't be a bully anymore, fine. I'll just be the tough girl who defends the defenseless. You know, since these little weasels are too pathetic to defend themselves."

"And you…" Ludwig smirked at Harold, "Didn't think you'd go to the trouble of painting yourself blue... figured you'd be somewhere stuffing your face. I think I hear the Jolly Olly truck around the corner, you'd better go catch it…"

"You're making me hungry..." Harold warned, "You wouldn't like me when I'm hungry..."

"I don't like you period, Tubby." Ludwig growled.

The tension on Ludwig's side felt about ready to boil over as the once dauntless army of sixth graders were now exchanging glances as if questioning if they should just walk away now. Ludwig picked up on this quickly and bellowed like an enraged lion.

"They're just a bunch of dweebs, buttwads and geek faces." he shouted, rallying his followers, "They can't stop us. Come on! Close in!"

At his behest, Ludwig's army slowly fanned out and formed a circle around the field and started to move in around the defenders.

"Mitigators!" Arnold took charge and stepped forward as he shouted, "Muster…"

With that, his friends and allies all bunched together as Rhonda suddenly whipped out a selfie stick and started circling around the group. The Mitigators formed into a half circle, similarly fanning out they surrounded the fourth and fifth grade classes and stood as human towers of defense. Phoebe brandished her bamboo sabre and scowled defiantly as Lila stood by flexing and giving their foes a crazed smile. Harold roared out in anger as he pounded his chest while Patty pounded her fists together, with Helga standing between them aiming her slingshot at the oncoming horde. Stinky and Sid just gave each other half confused and half excited looks and tried to look at least semi intimidating, as Iggy even less convincingly just hopped up and down in his bunny pajamas, looking none to sure if he was even supposed to be there. Nadine unfastened a glass jar from her belt and stood ready to open it at the right moment. Arnold and Gerald bumped their fists and grinned confidently. All the while they were posing, Rhonda ran down the line of her fellow classmates, shooting footage of them in their costumes with her phone and grinning madly.

"Oh this is great…" she declared excitedly, "There's our trailer shot! I can already taste the subscribers…"

"Don't forget to get us in the shot!" another voice sounded from the rooftop.

Everyone looked up and beheld Eugene, dressed in a garish purple… or more specifically _mauve_ bodysuit with a long flowing sequined cape and atop his head he wore a purple jester hat to match. The same hat he'd won a year prior when he had been crowned the King of Fools.

Behind him Sheena stood tall. Exceptionally tall even for such a statuesque girl, as she was now dressed in a tree costume leftover from a previous school play. Standing around Lorenzo still at his laptop, Park, Peapod, Joey, Nate and Katrina all just shot the others a thumbs up and smiled.

"We're all behind you!" Park shouted.

"Well, above you, but let's not get into semantics. Not now." Peapod said.

Down on the ground level, all the fourth and fifth graders looked on in a mix of confusion and interest.

"You guys are crazy…" a nameless fifth grade boy remarked from behind.

The Campfire Lass added, "Kind of a _fun_ crazy but…"

"Um, Arnold?" Eugene shouted from the rooftop, "Got some inspirational 'we can do it' speech up your sleeve?"

Arnold looked at Gerald and gave him a smile.

"Gerald?" he asked, "You want this one?"

"Oh no, man. After you." Gerald said.

"C'mon Gerald, you've earned this-"

Helga pushed her way between the two boys and shook her fist at their adversaries.

"Will you two chuckleheads stop trying to out-humble each other? I got this…" Helga insisted.

Arnold and Gerald looked at her skeptically.

"You?" Gerald asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Uh, no offense Helga… I mean, you're multitalented and all but-" Arnold started to say but Helga placed a finger over his mouth.

"I know, I know, I wouldn't trust me with a feel good motivational speech either, but you two have given enough of those, while I've just torn everyone down for years. Well, it's time to make up for that. Leave it to the rageaholic with the heart of a poet, I say… and I feel a big one coming…"

Arnold and Gerald nodded at her reluctantly but acceptingly.

"All right. Go for it." Arnold said.

"I dunno if any speech is gonna help here anyway…" Gerald said, "We've got Harold and Patty, but we're still way outnumbered."

"Yeah, so what if we're outnumbered?" Helga bellowed, not in Arnold and Gerald's faces but for all the crowds to hear, "What are numbers? Just math, and school's out. We don't need numbers, because we have heart. For that I say wish not that we had but one more kid in our midst, for if we are marked to lose, then we're enough to do our classmates proud. And yeah, sure we're probably about to get royally clobbered here… heck, they'll probably need the jaws of life to get us out of the trash and haul us off on stretchers before the day's out. "

She stopped as she felt her usual pessimism taking over, and with the skeptical looks she got from Arnold, Gerald and the rest she abruptly switched gears, opting instead to go full on pseudo shakespearean.

"…but if we win… then the fewer the kids that stand with us, the greater the legend we carve out. On this day, a day of rotting putrid human refuse shall we see turned to an age of gold. Not material gold, for such outward things I covet not, nay not even the golden magic slingshot I wield…"

"Golden magic slingshot?" Stinky and Sid questioned in unison.

Helga took no notice and continued, "…for such affects are mere transient things; but if it is a crime to lust for golden eternal glory, then call me the worst offender. Nay, wish not for one more kid from PS118. This day is known as Trash Can Day; the longest Monday that generations of kids have suffered through, one now that our foes aspire to cement into a perverse legend of their own design… the name of 'trash' outlives the day, but again I say we shall see trash turned to gold in the memory of every kid on this blessed Field of Gerald. The name 'Trash' shall be remembered, but outlived by the names of 'Arnold'..."

Helga paused momentarily as she clasped her hands together and breaking from her bombastic rallying cry she let loose a long dreamy sigh at her mention of Arnold's name. Every kid on the field now stared at her with wide eyes as a growing fervor spread from kid to kid, all roused by her speech, despite the sudden halt in momentum as Helga had stopped to fawn over her beloved. Snapping out of her momentary bliss, Helga slapped herself across the face and launched back into her battle speech.

"... and uh... the others. Those who would take up arms against us hide themselves behind their masks; their false swaggering belies their cowardice, hiding the same heart we all share. For the imbecilic apparel we sport, hides not our insufficiencies from the world, but flies our true colors high for all the world to see, is shown the might of our good company! All who shall live this day shall pass the legend of 'Trash Can Day' from kid generation to kid generation; showing them the bruises we earned on Trash Can Day. Bruises and the smell of garbage will be forgot, but we'll be remembered for what _feats_ we did this day; then shall we unforgettable few be as household names… Phoebe, Gerald, Rhonda, Nadine, Harold, Patty and… all the other… unforgettable names shall be… unforgettable. And the first Monday of June shall never again go by, from this day till the end of our school, but we in it shall be remembered. We few…" Helga placed a hand on Phoebe's shoulder and smiled, "… we crazy few… we band of misfits; for all you who fester in garbage with me today shall I call brother and sister, be you ne'er so trashed. And kids of Public School 118 now afar shall think themselves wusses that they were not here, and hold their girlhoods cheap when any speaks that fought with us on Trash Can Day!"

Helga raised her fist into the air as a thunderous roar of applause sounded from her fellow sixth graders, as well as from the fourth and fifth graders they stood to defend. Gerald nodded approvingly and clapped along with Phoebe in admiration. Arnold just stared at Helga as he felt his heart pumping like never before, knowing he couldn't have made a better or more rousing speech than that. Across the field, Ludwig looked less impressed. The titanous schoolboy stepped closer and applauded Helga's speech with mocking insincerity.

"Pretty words, ugly girl." he sighed, causing Arnold to scowl and clench his fists in return. Helga however just laughed back in his face.

"Ugly?" she snickered, "Oh, I'm good old fashioned nightmare fuel, big guy."

"Your words are just words though, and you know what they say, 'sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me.'" Ludwig stated, "And now you're about to find out that I don't need even sticks or stones to break any bones…" He cracked his knuckles and motioned for his lackeys to follow him.

Ludwig's insult to Helga had awoken the 'dark' look on Arnold as he inclined his head forward and scowled frighteningly. The others looked at him, as if waiting to follow his lead as the looming fight became more and more inevitable.

"Um, Arnold? We're not gonna just perpetuate this cycle of violence by fighting them, are we?" Sid asked, "Because uh... I think I'm allergic to getting beaten up..."

Arnold shrugged, "We _are_ the Mitigators… not the miracle workers…"

Ludwig now stood only a few feet away from Arnold and cast an enormous shadow over the short boy. Patty and Harold stood behind him and fixed Ludwig with threatening looks but he appeared unfazed by them. Helga gnashed her teeth and then swiftly raised her slingshot, and before anyone registered she fired off a shot directly at Ludwig. With equal lightning reflexes Ludwig actually caught the projectile, which made everyone gasp.

"Your girlfriend talks a good game. Too bad that's all she's got." Ludwig laughed in Arnold's face, "How about you? Got any more pretty speeches for me? Before I shove that football head of yours into the trash where it belongs?"

As Arnold glared at Ludwig, he felt a strange instinct overtake him, like something he had repressed long ago. Suddenly, still sporting his 'Dark Arnold' scowl, Arnold demonstrated his once forgotten mastery of martial arts his grandmother had once taught him and threatened Ludwig with his moves. Ludwig stepped back for a moment in slight surprise as Arnold's little display actually struck some small amount of fear into his heart. Arnold's expression however started to soften, and slowly he returned to a neutral stance.

"No speeches." Arnold said, "And no attempts to appeal to your heart. Just one final warning. There's something you should know about us."

"What?" Ludwig sneered.

"We're crazy…" Arnold said with a smug smile

Ludwig snickered, "Well, that's obvious."

Arnold then looked at Harold who smiled back at him knowingly. The two of them nodded.

"… and you should never hit a crazy person." Harold said with a grin.

Atop the roof Park and Peapod excitedly gestured to Lorenzo.

"Give them a beat…" Peapod said, "You know the one…"

"Um, actually… I don't…" Lorenzo said, "What are you talking about?"

"Oh right…" Peapod said, "You moved here after that… sorry old boy, we're making callbacks to things you weren't around for. You must be feeling terribly confused by all this zaniness."

"Here, let me…" Park urged as he crouched down and took control of Lorenzo's laptop, "I think I know what they're planning. And it's crazy..."

* * *

_**Name that Shakespeare play Helga is ripping off...**_

_**I don't want to have our heroes just resort to beating on their enemies, which is why there's a lot more talking than fighting... but there will be a battle of sorts in the next chapter, I promise.**_


	19. The Final(ly) Battle

**_Warning: Employing the specific anti bullying tactics used by Arnold and his friends depicted in this fic may not necessarily apply to real life and would more realistically result in you getting the sh** kicked out of you._**

**_Well, this is a pretty big chapter… can this story be pulled off without it becoming a huge clusterf***? Find out for yourselves in this clusterf*** of an ultimate final showdown between geek and cool._**

**_Retcon notice: I decided Harold was slightly out of place amongst the others by just flat-out being the Hulk… so I changed him to being the big blue Bottomless Bulk. He's blue now. I don't think that's mentioned in this chapter, but it's been changed in the previous ones._**

* * *

Chapter 19: The Final(ly) Battle

What followed Arnold and Harold's warning to Ludwig could only be described as a dramatic pause, which quickly became a somewhat awkward pause as they both waited for a music cue. Their eyes darted back and forth as Ludwig took another step closer, ready to personally shove them both into a can of rancid waste. Then, without warning Lorenzo's speakers suddenly blared out the singing of a familiar, and for some inspirational tune.

_Rats — we're rats —_

_We're furry and forlorn;_

_We live in sewers, love in sewers,_

_And our hearts are torn._

Helga glared up towards the roof where she saw Eugene had pushed his way past Park and made their music selection for them, as he and Sheena now sang along to their favorite show tune.

_We laugh, we cry,_

_We sing in harmony;_

_I love her — but I love him —_

_And darn it, he loves me!_

_Ohhh...Rats Rats Rats Rats Rats!_

"TURN THAT CRAP OFF!" Helga bellowed as she shook her fist 'Old Betsy' at them.

"Sorry, sorry…" Eugene chuckled.

Without another moment's hesitation, the DJs on the roof selected a more fitting rock song for Arnold and Harold to make their point; sending a clear signal to the bully crowd that their brand of crazy should not be messed with.

_1, 2, 3, unh!_

_Watch me! Hey!_

As the song 'I'm Crazy' blared from the speakers above, Arnold launched into a spontaneous freestyle dance number. Recapturing the same manic energy and artistry he once used to avoid a thrashing from Harold, Arnold once again just seemed to confuse his would-be attacker, this time in the form of Ludwig who stared back at him as if seeing someone not of this earth. Harold, once a bully himself until Arnold's crazy antics to this same tune charmed him, now had apparently come full circle since those days and joined in with Arnold's crazy cavorting, albeit much less gracefully. Gerald just shook his head but smiled all the same, and he quickly joined in the dance with his friends. The fast-paced song rushed along at breakneck speed without any regard for human life, as Helga and Phoebe too joined in, mimicking Arnold's zaniness.

Now you think you got to put me down

Now you think you got to push me all around

But wait, don't hit me!

I'll hit me!

"What… the…" Ludwig remarked, "What the heck are they doing?!"

Gino appeared at his side and scratched his head, "Looks like they're… dancing."

"Dancing?" Ludwig asked.

"You know, getting down with their bad selves, boogying, busting moves, shaking what their mamas gave them, cutting footloose, I even dare say we's gettin' served-"

Ludwig pushed Gino aside in his annoyance and scowled. He surveyed his army, which once again just stood uselessly to the sides looking on completely dumbstruck. Ludwig clenched his fists, unwilling to let them steal his thunder any more than they had already. Stomping towards Arnold, he raised a fist high into the air and took a brutal swing right at the boy's oblong head. To his surprise, he felt nothing but air as he swung and missed, falling forward in the process. Arnold had swiftly danced around his assault with cunning grace and fluidity. Ludwig looked up and saw Arnold hitting himself in the face along with the lyrics of the song, and grinning like a madman. Furious, Ludwig scrambled to his feet and took another swing, but this time Harold leapt in the way and absorbed his punch with his bulbous gut. Standing firm despite the pain, Harold used his heft as a shock absorber and redirected the force of Ludwig's punch right back at him, causing the hulking boy to bounce off of him and fall backwards.

"BULK BOUNCE!" Harold shouted.

"Oof!" Ludwig grunted as he hit the ground, he looked back up and Harold and snickered, "Hungry for more?"

"Well that's my secret," Harold cracked his knuckles, "I'm always hungry…"

From nearby Helga muttered, "It's not _that_ big a secret…"

Still hunched over on the ground, embarrassed but not discouraged, Ludwig shouted back at his army of sixth graders, "Don't just stand there, you bunch of buttwads! Get them!"

Spurred into action at last, Ludwig's sizable gang charged forward at Arnold's. The other kids on Arnold's side who hadn't yet joined in the dance fight too now jumped in, fighting back in their own unique ways. Gerald Field quickly transformed into a massive chaotic fray, the like never seen in Hillwood before as sixth grader fought against sixth grader. There might have been some tragic element to the class fighting against itself in this pseudo civil war, were it not for the sheer ludicrousness of the whole spectacle, which Rhonda was eagerly recording with both her phones.

"Follow the white rabbit!" Iggy shouted as he hopped through the crowds in his bunny pajamas.

He led a trio of pursuing kids much larger than himself, but the three of them were quickly warded off by Patty, who stood like a tower of defense among her smaller peers, and wherever she went the attacking sixth graders just scattered like roaches. Even Big Gino's thugs tactfully avoided her in favor of smaller targets, but the smaller amongst the Mitigator crew meanwhile employed their own creative tactics against them.

Ludwig grinned as his cohorts had at last joined in the fight, but as he looked around he realized that few to none of them were having any success in subduing any of Arnold's allies, who were simply dancing around them and escaping unscathed, and in some cases indirectly causing harm to their attackers. He watched as two thugs took a swing at Gerald from opposite sides, but Gerald simply summersaulted away and caused them both to sock one another in their faces. Suddenly Ludwig himself felt a sharp pain as something bounced off the side of his head. He quickly glanced to his right and saw Helga reloading her slingshot and preparing to fire again, but he was quicker and just swatted her aside like a pestering fly. Helga fell to the ground like a rag doll and dropped her weapon as Ludwig stomped towards her. She quickly clambered to her feet and made a grab for her slingshot but Ludwig grabbed it first.

"I'm gonna enjoy this…" Ludwig grinned as he tossed the slingshot aside and raised his fist.

Before Ludwig could throw a punch, Helga made some dramatic hand gesture and then reached into her chest plate and withdrew her gold-plated heart locket.

"By the power of my shameless love for that little football headed dingus, I activate my magic golden hero shield!"

Confused, Ludwig paused momentarily as Helga reached behind herself and made a grab for something just out of sight. Suddenly, as if from thin air she appeared to conjure another kid from just behind her, and then held him between herself and Ludwig, who recoiled as he came face to face with a creepy looking heavy breathing kid with glasses just staring at him in a way that sent shivers down his spine.

"Ugh!" Ludwig retched, "What… are you?"

"Uh…" Brainy muttered, "I dunno… a shield?"

Despite being unsettled by the sudden impossible apparition of Brainy, Ludwig once again pulled back his fist, ready to slug them both, but suddenly someone unexpectedly came to her rescue.

"Hey, you big bully!" a girl's voice cried out, "Whatever do you think you're doing picking on that little bully?"

Helga looked up and saw Lila. With her natural height and inflatable muscle suit, she did almost look like a physical match for Ludwig. The boy just looked at her and laughed, but this didn't stop her so with her arms raised she advanced on him. Forgetting about Helga and Brainy he gave Lila his full attention.

"You've got to be kidding." he said, "You're a bold one, little girl…"

"You have just oh so little idea…" Lila cautioned him.

"That's not the right look on you, cutie." Ludwig grinned as he made a grab for her, and seized her by her arm, "My Slaussen's offer still stands. Once this is over I'm taking you out… that is after we get you into something a little more comfort-"

Ludwig didn't even have a chance to finish before Lila kneed him between the legs and sent him once again falling to the ground, eyes wide and moaning in pain.

"Some boys just won't be told." Lila said as she dusted herself off.

"Lila?" Helga said flatly, "You frighten me." The girls both grinned at one another and pounded their fists together in solidarity. Helga similarly looked at Brainy who was just standing with his usual inane grin on his face. "Bravo, 'golden hero.' You sure know how to show up just when I need-"

"On your left!" Lila shouted.

Helga and Brainy turned to see another group of Gino's suited thugs rushing towards them. Before Helga, Brainy or Lila could react, suddenly leaping around with all her catlike grace, agility and swiftness, Phoebe bursted onto the scene brandishing her kendo sabre as she shrieked ferociously.

"Careful, Feebs!" Helga shouted a warning to her cohort.

"I'm fine, Helga!" Phoebe shouted back, "I think you'll find I'm holding my own here-"

"I don't mean for you, watch where you're swinging that thing!" Helga corrected, "You can put someone's eye out with that!"

"Only if I'm lucky!" Phoebe laughed manically.

Phoebe flourished her bamboo sabre in the faces of a group of oncoming goons who backed down instantly.

"Hey!" One of them said, "A guy could get a nasty splinter with that!"

"Then why don't you just run back to mommy before I make Kentucky fried sushi out of both of you..." Phoebe hissed.

Phoebe let loose another terrifying war cry and Gino's boys bid a hasty retreat in return. She then struck a triumphant pose and beamed with enormous pride.

"I didn't realize Phoebe had such a berserker mode." Lila remarked.

"There's a reason I always try to reign her in," Helga laughed.

"Oh, my dad would be so proud." Phoebe sighed, "That is… if I hadn't cut class all afternoon to take part in all this… I do worry this may affect my permanent record… oh well." She laughed maniacally again and charged off to continue the fight.

Across the field, Nadine stood between an oncoming group of stuck-up looking sixth grade girls and the crowd of fifth graders.

"Looks like we've got a bug to squash." the lead mean girl said as she sneered at Nadine.

"How about a whole swarm?" Nadine responded, and she unscrewed the lid from her jar. An ominous buzzing sound filled the air and a swarm of locusts took flight straight towards the oncoming girls.

"Fly my pretties, fly!" Nadine cackled. "Don't worry, they don't bite… usually…"

Swarmed by the buzzing insects, the attacking girls screeched in disgust and turned to run but ran straight into Sid and Stinky, still both covered in rotting garbage. The girls inadvertently covered themselves in gunk as they collided with the two boys. Appearing behind them, Rhonda snapped a photo of the girls who were now retching in disgust at their befouled designer clothes.

"Excuse me, ma'am." Stinky said apologetically.

"Ouch, that'll be a pain to wash out." Rhonda laughed, "But don't worry, it'll be immortalized on-"

Before Rhonda could go on, Gino's thugs still retreating from Phoebe crashed into her from behind, causing her to fall forward and drop one of her phones. Before she could even make a grab for it another boy stomped on it, cracking the screen, and similarly causing Rhonda herself to crack.

"MY PHONE!" she screamed.

The boy just looked at her with a malicious grin, but as soon as he saw the fire in her eyes he stumbled backwards. Rhonda lunged forward and tackled him to the ground still screeching in his face.

"IF I LOSE ONE SINGLE PICTURE FROM TODAY BECAUSE OF YOU, MY LAWYER WON'T EVEN HAVE A CHANCE TO SUE YOU BEFORE I'M THROUGH WITH YOU!"

Scrambling to his feet, the boy just ran off as Rhonda chased after him, leaving Sid and Stinky in a stunned daze.

"Heck hath no fury like Rhonda de-phoned…" Stinky remarked. "Or whatever the right word is for that…"

The fleeing boy, still chased by Rhonda managed to run straight into Harold's gut, which he was now wielding like his own personal weapon against the would be bullies.

All across the field, craziness ensued to the strains of 'I'm Crazy' still blaring from the speakers above. Several kids in Ludwig's army attempted to bring the garbage to the front lines, but in the chaotic fray most of them lost control and as a result their cans spilled onto the field. Gerald Field, previously a vacant lot covered in junk and garbage once again became coated in trash.

The fifth graders all watched in awe as the Mitigators fought bravely for their sake. Amid their hushed murmurs the Campfire Lass cried out in triumph, 'Freedom!' with a heavily rolled R. Another girl even shorter of stature than the Campfire Lass peered past her fellows and smiled adoringly at Arnold, whose cape blew majestically in the wind, despite the sheer silliness of its design.

On the opposite side of the field, still huddled by a trash can and slightly incapacitated by Lila, Ludwig groaned and stumbled to his feet as he fought back the nausea. He glanced around and saw his entire vision falling to shambles before his eyes. Despite the numbers his side had, the ferocious commitment his enemies exhibited trounced his own crew, who had only followed him out of fear and falsely founded anger. Ludwig realized they were fighting for a cause that was hollow to them, but he refused to give up on it; to him it was still a sacred cause. Yet even the numbers he boasted appeared to be diminishing as more and more of his army started to retreat. A trio of girls ran past him and he shouted after them.

"Where are you going?" he yelled, "Get back in there and can those losers!"

The leader of the pack of girls turned back to Ludwig and gave him an unimpressed stare. Despite Ludwig's intimidating scowl, she just sneered at him and shook her head.

"This is… this is lame." she huffed. "We're out."

"Yeah… I mean it was a good excuse to cut class for a while but this is… this has gotten way too weird. I'm out too." Another boy said as he ran past, "See you, Ludwig."

A group of fifteen or so kids previously fighting for him ran past Ludwig as he cursed them in anger.

"Deserters!" he bellowed, "Traitors! Buttwads! Why you scared of those dinguses? They're not crazy they're just a bunch of geeks pretending to be crazy!"

"They're not… but I am..." came a muffled voice from behind him. Ludwig turned and saw a familiar trash can. Before he could remember why the can struck him as familiar the lid flew off and out jumped a boy coated in filth, wearing a banana peel atop his head and a ripped up trash bag stuck around his waist like some kind of ballet tutu. Curly stood in first position and then launched into a ballet routine, joining in the giant dance fight.

"Plie!" he shouted as he danced about, "Jete!"

Curly twirled around into an ongoing spin cycle; spinning around like a top he suddenly leapt into the air and landed in the bewildered Ludwig's arms.

"Miss me? Miss me? Now ya gotta kiss me." he grinned impishly, and then he grabbed Ludwig's face and laid a big wet kiss on his lips as he laughed uproariously.

"Ugh!" Ludwig grunted in disgust as he threw Curly into a large dumpster, then wiped his lips. Curly's insane laughter kept echoing from the dumpster, but Ludwig paid him no mind as he stomped back over to where the costumed warriors were again grouped together. Not a single face in their group showed even a hint of fear now, and Arnold himself wore the most aggressive scowl out of all of them.

"Stop!" Arnold suddenly cried out. All eyes, including the retreating sixth graders snapped back to Arnold who stood at the center of the field, sounding slightly fatigued but still determined as ever.

"Stop?" Gerald asked, "This was just getting good…"

"We can keep this up all afternoon, evening and night. We can just keep fighting with each other until we're all bruised beyond recognition, or we can just end the fight now!" Arnold declared, "You're all my classmates… all of you. I don't want us all to be enemies. We're all just kids! Maybe we all look different and act different, and that's because we are different! And that's how we should be!"

Everyone on Ludwig's side from Gino's thugs, to the stuck-up girls, to Gino himself and every other random kid who had joined Ludwig's cause for one reason or another paused for thought as Arnold made his desperate appeal.

"Still speaking for all of us?" Gino challenged him.

"I never wanted to be the hero here, and I never did what I did because I thought I was better than any of you… all I wanted was a school where every kid could just be themselves and not have to be afraid of that. Look into your hearts, all of you, I think you all want the same thing, because deep down we're all just geeks. Maybe sometimes we act like we have to be 'cool' just because we're afraid of what'll happen if people see us as we really are, but that doesn't define us! Even you, Ludwig!"

Ludwig's eyes bored into Arnold's, but the bold kid didn't even flinch in response. He no longer felt any fear for any bluff audacity from Ludwig; and the bully could feel it. Several of the fourth and fifth graders let out a huge cheer, but they were quickly silenced.

"Quiet." Ludwig said with a glare that paralyzed them all with fear, "This is between the adults, kiddies." He then turned his attention back to Arnold.

Meanwhile Rhonda quietly muttered to herself, "My speech about the true meaning of coolness was better…"

Taking no notice of her, Arnold continued dressing down Ludwig, "Yeah, even you… you're not as bad as you want us all to think. You act like a big jerk because you want to be the cool guy, but deep down I bet you're just as big a geek as the rest of us, and there's nothing wrong with that. You don't have to be afraid of being yourself."

Ludwig returned his suggestion with a blank stare. He could feel all eyes on the field piercing him from all sides, and it only drove him to double down on his nastiness as he laughed maliciously.

"Points for originality." Ludwig laughed, "But like I told you all, this is about the greater good. Sure, I used to want to live in a kind, welcoming school… but what about life after PS118? You gonna just make the whole world a nicer place? If we don't put these kids in their place they'll all grow up as soft as you geeks and then… then what happens in the real world? Don't forget, I've been to juvie, I've seen kids at their worst, and that's the world that's waiting for you after PS118. It's a jungle out there."

"Wrong metaphor to use with me..." Arnold said, "I guarantee I've been through worse than you... in the literal jungle..."

Arnold could feel a certain anger starting to boil inside him. He had indeed experienced some of the worst humanity had to offer in the jungles of San Lorenzo, but he'd come out of it the same Arnold. As he felt his blood boil, he began to wonder if Ludwig might be beyond redemption if he was this fervently devoted to his twisted cause.

"I won't let you hurt anyone." Arnold stated firmly. "Not before you go through me…"

Ludwig laughed again, "Pain is temporary, but one day you'll all look back on this and thank me, Ludwig Van Dyke! Not Arnold Shortman and his noble band of choreographers and costumers!"

"You're just doing this for you." Arnold said bitterly, making one last attempt to appeal to him, "You're doing this to make yourself feel better… because you used to be like us, and I don't think you like being the way you are now… but doing this won't make the pain go away, Ludwig. You don't have to go on like this, you could put your energy into something else… like… tap-dancing?"

Ludwig just stared at Arnold. He clenched his fists and growled in his annoyance.

"You just never learn, do you?" Ludwig growled.

"Oh, I've learned," Arnold said, "In fact I know I'm right now. I'm just waiting for you to catch up."

"Yep, he's Captain Sanctimony alright…" Helga muttered, then she swooned, "What a man…"

Ludwig just shook his head and pounded his fist against his palm as he stepped closer and closer to Arnold.

"If you think you're gonna be a symbol to everyone, let's just see how powerful a message you send from inside the dumpster…"

As Ludwig advanced on Arnold as the others gasped. Arnold stood his ground and bravely refused to budge even as the hulking giant stomped closer and closer. Helga naturally threw herself between the two boys but before she could even say a word another voice stopped Ludwig in his tracks as it rang out from the crowd of younger kids.

"Don't touch him!" a tiny but punchy voice screeched.

Ludwig stopped just short of punching Arnold as the voice got to him like nails on a chalkboard. He glanced around, as a combination of fury and confusion took over. Arnold and Helga looked equally confused as they similarly scanned for the source of the voice that had stopped Ludwig.

"Who said that?" He shouted.

"I did!" The voice came again. Suddenly, from out of the crowd of fourth and fifth graders a petite girl pushed her way to the front and glared at Ludwig.

Ludwig just stared at the tiny girl in shock for a moment. She had to be the least intimidating looking girl imaginable, with frizzy red hair, buck teeth and huge green circular glasses. Ludwig looked at her with skeptical eyes, but then just laughed mockingly.

"Wait your turn kid." he said scornfully, "First we're canning these losers, then we'll get to the sub-losers and nobodies like you."

"I'm not nobody," she said defiantly, "My name is Siobhan."

Ludwig crossed his arms and glared at her, but then he smiled, as he tried to maintain the illusion of control he felt was slipping away from him.

"Well, Siobhan, it's football heads first." Ludwig said, "You can go second if you keep talking."

"Go ahead. Can us!" Siobhan said with a defiant cry of challenge, "But next year you'll all be gone. I'll still be here, and I won't go down this same road!" She looked back at her fellow students and smiled. They all looked at her in slight astonishment but a growing feeling of euphoria from the crowd was becoming hard to ignore as Siobhan bravely chastised Ludwig. The shocked faces of her fellow fifth graders started to turn to smiles of encouragement as more and more of them started nodding, as if emboldened by Siobhan. She then turned back to Ludwig and scowled at him, which to everyone including his own surprise made him wince for just a second.

"None of us will. Maybe this will be the biggest and worst Trash Can Day in PS118 history, but it'll also be the last. Because next year we'll be in the sixth grade, and we won't let it happen again! None of us!"

"Yeah!" a small fourth grader's voice shouted, and was soon followed by many more simultaneous 'yeahs.'

Arnold glanced around and to his surprise he noticed that none of Ludwig's intended targets were cowering in fear, and on the contrary most of them now stood defiantly.

"In another year jerks like you will be the ones no one remembers." Siobhan continued. "But I'll always remember people like Arnold and Gerald!"

Arnold looked at the girl who barely came up to his shoulder, and yet now somehow she stood taller than the rest of them. Tension in the air grew thick as a revolt from the younger kids slowly surfaced. With Siobhan standing at the front of her classmates, she found herself joined by a short blonde boy who pushed his way to the front.

"And Eugene." he said.

From the rooftop, Eugene smiled down at the kid, who he recognized as the kid who had once looked up to him as his personal hero.

More and more voices from the fifth and fourth grade crowd began to speak up, each naming their own personal heroes in the sixth grade. All the sixth graders went wide eyed at the mention of their own names, not realizing until now just how many kids had looked up to them all along.

"Phoebe."

"Rhonda."

"Park"

"Patty."

"Harold."

"Chocolate!" the voice of the aptly nicknamed Chocolate Boy appeared, but he then said, "I mean… um, Stinky? I guess?"

"Aye, even Helga." the Campfire Lass said.

"Whaddaya mean 'even Helga?'" Helga barked in response. "I'm the best role model any of you dumb twerps will ever have!"

"Ye've come a long way, but I'll ne'er forget the time ye stole me uniform and pilfered me cookies…"

Siobhan bravely marched up to Ludwig and stated, "We all look up to them. Not guys like you."

"That's too bad." Ludwig said, "Go ahead, hero worship them. And then when they're gone who's gonna fight your battles? No one. Because they made you all a bunch of sheep."

"Wrong again." Siobhan countered, "They've shown us that we can fight our own battles. If a bunch of kids in goofy costumes can take a stand… then we all can."

Behind her, all the fifth graders clenched their fists and started slowly moving towards Ludwig. Watching from atop the roof, Eugene felt a grin on his face growing so wide it threatened to break his face. As the younger kids found their voices and began raising them to their oppressors, a realization came over him; he was now watching his impossible idea bear fruit. As Sheena swayed back and forth in her tree costume she expressed some minor concern however.

"Those kids, are they… upstaging us, Eugene?" Sheena asked.

"No…" he responded, "It worked… don't you see? This is what we wanted! We're still the stars here, because we've inspired the next generation! Huzzah! Give them another show tune! Something inspirational from 'Less Miserable!' "

As Lorenzo cued a rousing anthem of revolution from the off off broadway musical 'Less Miserable,' Arnold, Gerald, Helga and all the others just glanced around awkwardly as the fifth and now fourth grade rose up and marched towards the remnant of Ludwig's army, all of them led by the smallest one among them. Ludwig's face remained stoney and cold, but it didn't hide the twitch in his eye. Siobhan on the contrary showed no fear whatsoever, as the others observed.

"Hello Arnold of tomorrow…" Helga noted in quiet amazement.

Gerald meanwhile whispered to Phoebe, "I'm sorry, who is she and why is she taking over now?"

"I think she was that third grader who got promoted to the sixth grade a few years ago," Phoebe said, "I guess it didn't work out for her."

"Don't question it, she's on a roll here…" Arnold said in amazement.

"I have a special passion for mathematics." Siobhan said to Ludwig, "So let me do the math for you here… you wanted to can two grades below you? Well now you're outclassed and outnumbered."

Ignoring her, Ludwig tried to work up some enthusiasm from his remaining followers, "Trash Can Day!" he shouted, trying to rally his troops into joining the chorus, but to his surprise only a few of them joined in not even halfheartedly.

"I say no more trash!" Siobhan shouted and raised a fist. "No more trash!"

"No more trash!" the entire fourth and fifth grade sounded off behind her.

"Looks like we're the ones with the army now." Arnold said smugly, as he stood next to Siobhan, "Last chance, Ludwig,"

"You're all trash!" Ludwig bellowed, his tone starting to waver as his fear showed through the cracks, "We're all just garbage waiting to be tossed out!"

Arnold scowled at Ludwig and then with a savage sparkle in his eye he smirked at him in the most 'Dark Arnold' way he could.

"Fine. Then the only trash to take out here… is you." Arnold said. He glanced over his shoulders and motioned to Patty and Harold. Ludwig raised his fists as Arnold's two mightiest allies advanced on him.

"Think you all can take me?" Ludwig laughed, "Come on tubby. Once I take down you and your girlfriend the rest of these little squirts will be fish in a barrel…"

Before the three biggest kids could exchange blows, suddenly Helga leapt between them and ground her teeth at Ludwig in her fury.

"Stand back…" she pushed Patty back, "I got a score to settle with this big brick of meat…"

"You want another black eye, Pinky? Fine." Ludwig laughed in her face, and then cracked his knuckles.

"What kind of psycho are you?" Patty growled, "Who punches a girl less than half their size?"

"I thought you did?" Harold asked, scratching his head.

"We're both girls…" Patty huffed, "That was completely different…"

"What can I say? I'm an equal opportunist." Ludwig said with a sadistic grin. "Come on, Pataki. I'll let you have the first one for free."

Helga sighed and shook her head, "No. I've decided I'm better than that."

"No?" Ludwig asked in confusion, "Then stop wasting everyone's time with-"

"I've been wanting to pound you all day, but I've had a little sense talked into me, so I'm gonna outsource this one." she said, "I really hate to do this, but you're gonna have to take this up with Little Bessie…"

Ludwig laughed, "Yeah, come on. Show me what Old Betsy's got…"

"Old Betsy? What? No, weren't you listening?" Helga shook her head, "Old Betsy is my fist. Bessie is… oh here, I'll show you."

Suddenly, Helga pinched her thumb and finger between her lips and whistled at a deafening volume. This caused Ludwig and all the other kids nearby to wince and cover their ears. Slowly, all the kids glanced around, murmuring in confusion, not knowing what Helga was playing at. Helga meanwhile stood her ground with a broad grin across her face.

"So… Bessie is… your fingers? Whistle? What? What is this?" Ludwig growled, infuriated by Helga's riddle. "What do you think you're doing? What's Bessie!?"

"Wait for it." Helga said.

Murmurs sounded from the crowd as Ludwig's already confused look turned to concern.

"Not your… then… what's Little Bess… OW!"

Without warning, Ludwig suddenly yowled in pain as he felt a set of sharp teeth clomp onto his rear end. Something he couldn't see was apparently biting him from behind. All the other kids stepped back in fear as they saw exactly what Helga had just set on Ludwig.

"Is that…?" Arnold gasped.

"I don't believe it…" Phoebe all but giggled.

"What… what did you just… did you just sic your dog on me or something?" he shouted, unable to see what was biting him from behind.

"Trust me, you'll wish I had…" Helga smirked, as Ludwig turned around to reveal the five foot long, four-legged reptilian creature currently sinking its teeth into his posterior. "Don't worry. She's had her shots, but she can still break a man's leg with one whip of her tail… so don't struggle."

With Ludwig distracted by the biting reptile, Arnold gestured to Harold and Patty, shouting "Get him!"

Harold and Patty reached grabbed Ludwig's right and left arms, as he yowled in pain from the monitor lizard still hanging onto his rear end. Then like a swarm of ants overpowering an enormous beetle, the fifth and fourth graders charged at Ludwig and all grabbed him by his legs and together they all lifted him into the air as Arnold gestured to the dumpster, where they all proceeded to haul him towards.

Gino and his gang stood back, all too afraid to get involved. Ludwig saw their inaction and barked orders at them.

"Hey! Come on you big fruit cups!" he shouted, "Stop them!"

"Costumes... dance fighting... lizards... we were promised this would go cleanly…" Gino said.

"It's Trash Can Day!" Ludwig shouted, "How is it supposed to go cleanly?"

"Yeah, I suppose you're right. I always dealt in swirlies. Quick. Clean. To the point. No one ever got hurt too bad. This… this trash business is too dirty… I've strayed too far from my professional scruples in agreeing to this, so I'm afraid this venture is no longer in my organization's interest." Gino said as he snapped his fingers.

Loyal as trained hounds, Gino's henchmen all stepped back and joined their petite boss as the fifth graders, aided by Patty and Harold carried Ludwig through the air towards the dumpster. All other sixth graders who had previously been on Ludwig's side just stood and stared in bewilderment. As the kids carried their oppressor towards the dumpster, Helga's monitor lizard at last let go of him and dropped to the ground.

"C'mere, girl." Helga said lovingly to her loyal pet.

The enormous reptilian creature crawled over to its master and climbed up onto her shoulders. Helga stroked Bessie under the chin and smiled, but as she noticed the savage look growing more intense in Arnold she felt a rush of concern for her beloved.

"Oh Arnold..." she sighed, "What a guy... what an inspiration to all, even to my own twisted little heart… and yet, who are you now? The Arnold I worship and adore? Or this one we call 'Dark Arnold?' A mysteriously attractive but frightening entity that may be just the first step down a road akin to the one Ludwig walked down long ago? Mayhap the corrupting slings and arrows of this cruel world have at last twisted you into the very thing you stand against? I must intervene dramatically, before you grow into just another Ludwig or Wolfgang, and restore you to the Arnold I love! Oh!" She swooned aloud.

Phoebe, who had joined in the mob carrying Ludwig looked back and saw Helga entranced in yet another monologue to herself. She then called back to her, "Helga? Are you coming?"

"Yes, I think so..." Helga said, sounding somewhat mesmerized.

Little Bessie leapt from Helga's shoulders and slithered away as the determined girl rushed towards the dumpster, where all the kids had lifted Ludwig high in the air, readying to dump him in on Arnold's command.

"You wanted Trash Can Day?" Arnold said mockingly in Ludwig's face, "We'll give you what you want…"

Ludwig tried to fight back, but the overpowering strength of Patty and Harold combined with the multitude of smaller kids had him trapped. Realizing he now had no way out now, he just stared at Arnold and grinned maliciously.

"Looks like I win, after all." he said, "Even if I don't can you shrimps… I've still toughened you up. Congratulations. Now you're just like me…"

From out of the crowd, Gerald pushed his way towards Arnold and when he reached him he placed a hand on his best friend's shoulder.

"Arnold?" Gerald asked in concern, then repeated Arnold's earlier words, "We're better than this."

Arnold glanced at Gerald, still scowling with righteous anger but when he saw the knowing look in Gerald's eyes he could instantly feel remorse for what he was doing.

"Arnold…" Helga too appeared at his side, and placed a hand on his other shoulder, "No need to crush the enemy. It's over."

"We won, man." Gerald said. "Let it go."

Arnold glared back at Ludwig, now being dangled over the dumpster by an army of fifth and fourth graders who had risen up against him. As Arnold looked into Ludwig's eyes, he no longer saw the cruel demagogue of a bully who had brought out the worst in everyone, but a sad, scared kid who had been beaten down one too many times until it drove him to this. Not wanting to go down the same path, Arnold shook his head and raised his hands in the air, gesturing for them all to cease hostility.

"Put him down!" Arnold shouted.

Harold and Patty shot him a confused look, but then they looked into one another's eyes and they both smiled lovingly at each other and nodded. Siobhan nodded to the kids holding onto Ludwig's legs, and they too reluctantly let go of him, leaving him just leaning against the dumpster, completely shaken and bewildered.

"We're not like you." Arnold said, "And... maybe some day you won't be like you either."

Ludwig looked almost touched for one brief moment, but suddenly he furrowed his brow and made a grab for Arnold to everyone's shock.

"If I can't get all of them, at least I get you!" Ludwig raved like a broken madman as he lifted Arnold into the air, when suddenly from within the dumpster from behind him, a demented cackling laughter caught his attention. Before he could even look, from out of the piles of garbage deep within the dumpster, out leapt Curly who landed on Ludwig's shoulders. He covered Ludwig's eyes and pulled at his hair all the white still laughing insanely.

"Heeere's Curly!" He laughed.

With Curly clinging onto the back of his head and pulling back, Ludwig lost his balance and fell backwards, dropping Arnold back to the ground in the process. Everyone gasped as the self proclaimed great sixth grade titan fell back into the dumpster, disappearing from sight. Then from out of the dumpster Curly reemerged and raised his fist triumphantly in the air.

"We won!" Curly shouted, then he glanced down at the crowd of half-lidid eyes looking up at him. Curly adopted a somber look and then said in a rather dry voice, "It is possible that for once in my otherwise upstanding life, I may have earlier been in slight error. Fortunately I figured that out before things got too out of hand. Nice costumes."

No one even knew where to begin with him, but at least he'd come around in the end, albeit in his own demented way. Curly hopped down from the dumpster and began chanting his own name. Then from the dumpster, Ludwig, now covered in rancid filth poked his head out of the dumpster. Disgraced but still somehow undeterred he gnashed his teeth at the rest of the kids.

"You think it's over?" Ludwig shouted.

"Man doesn't know when to give up." Rhonda remarked, "He's like a cockroach or something…"

"Only way less huggable." Nadine nodded in agreement.

"I'll get you… I'll get you all!" Ludwig shouted as he spiraled into delusional rage, "You think this is gonna stop me? I'm Ludwig! I'm unstoppable! I…"

Ludwig trailed off as his eyes squinted, then abruptly went wide as he spotted something. The other kids just looked at him in confusion, but then they all started to gasp one by one as they all turned around and beheld the one person they wanted to see even less than Ludwig. Similar to Ludwig he towered above the rest of them with a hulking linebacker frame, and as they looked at his familiar blonde mullet framing his hardened scruffy face they all simultaneously flashed back to some unpleasant memories.

"Wolfgang?" they all gasped in terror.

* * *

**_To be concluded... final battle but not the final chapter._**

**_And then Wolfgang and Ludwig form together into MegaVanAmadeusMozartoven, and proceed to destroy all the kids, but then comes Cool Cat, kids superhero and youtube meme sensation to stop bullying. Yaaaaaay._**

**_On that note, I decided to give Ludwig the last name Van Dyke as both a nod to Ludwig Van Beethoven and Phillip Van Dyke. Two birds with one stone. Big Bob would be proud. _**

**_Who's Siobhan (pronounced Sho-van… Irish) and why did I go with her as the leader of the rise of the fifth graders, you may ask? She only had a tiny bit part at the end of 'Phoebe Skips' where she got promoted to the sixth grade from the third grade, but in the book 'Arnold's E-Files' she takes on a larger ole as Arnold's secret admirer (good thing Helga never found out). She admires him for being smart and nice, but tragically Arnold is busily chasing yet another stuck up girl out of his league and doesn't notice Siobhan, who later bemoans the fact that no one ever notices her. I thought it would be nice if the lowest rung of the fifth graders led the charge to stand up to Ludwig._**

**_Gerald Field tends to vary in size depending on the episode, but I'm going with the size it appears to be in 'New Bully on the Block,' AKA huge._**

**_Well, I almost got through this without any of the good guys having to resort to violence… but I guess if it had to be someone then Lila defending herself from Ludwig's slimy advances would be the one time to do it. Had to wrap up that little subplot and that felt about right. Also, Lila's in the inflatable muscle suit as a reference to her appearance in Helga's dream in the episode 'Married.' Which I guess makes her the girl of Helga's dreams? Well, for you Lila/Helga shippers I guess this one's for you…_**

**_Also, that wasn't Curly coming out or anything when he kissed Ludwig… that was meant to just be a good ol' Bugs Bunny take. Still, if anyone wants to write the spinoff where he and Ludwig confront their feelings for one another, go for it._**

**_Now that we're past this point, I considered doing a more Monty Python ending where the two armies of kids just charge at one another, and then the adults all show up, and the kids are all taken home, grounded and given detention for ditching class all afternoon._**


	20. A New Legacy

_**Whoosh. Well, this took longer than I expected. I thought this one would be easy after the battle since I had this part in mind since the beginning, and yet… this one proved even more difficult and I had to rewrite it two or three times. Hopefully it works now…**_

_**Yep. There's a reason I kept dropping Wolfgang's name throughout this story. So… what's he been up to since leaving PS118? How the hell should I know. Ask him yourself. Last we saw him was in The Jungle Movie as a silent cameo… where he was smiling cheerfully and cheering for Arnold? Huh?**_

_**I feel like I'm going to confuse Ludwig and Wolfgang's names more than once in this chapter, so I apologize in advance for that.**_

_**No one mentioned it so I just thought I'd ask… did no one catch that rather naughty joke in the last chapter? I worried I wasn't being subtle enough…**_

* * *

Chapter 20: A New Legacy

Though the united force of the fourth, fifth and sixth grade had literally overthrown the tyrannical Ludwig, the sudden appearance of PS118's former alpha bully now overshadowed their victory. There stood the alpha bully, who had led the charge two years ago on the last trash can day, personally having crammed Eugene, Arnold, Gerald and many others into trash cans. That was to say nothing about all the other acts of senseless cruelty he had subjected them to over the years. As Wolfgang surveyed the scene his enormous frame cast a shadow over Arnold and Gerald who just looked up at him with concern. He was still an imposingly off-putting figure; despite his lionlike mane of hair, everything from his upturned snout, or his peculiar pointy ears gave the impression that nature had intended to create a pig, only to change plans at the last second resulting in Wolfgang.

"And just when things are finally going our way…" Helga groaned, "… wouldn't you know it? We're all gonna die…"

"Wolfgang Asmodeus Toran…" Gerald murmured, prompting Arnold to turn to him in surprise.

"His middle name is 'Asmodeus'?" he asked.

"Dunno, but it might as well be…" Gerald replied. "Now what do we do?"

Harold clenched his fists and scowled, "We took down the other one… how hard could it be?"

"I don't know if we can handle Wolfgang too…" Sid said, " I mean look at him… he's got whiskers and everything…"

Ludwig, despite being half in the dumpster and soaked with the very sludge he'd intended for the lower grades, laughed euphorically at the sight of Wolfgang. The mere appearance of the junior high schooler that no one at PS118 had seen all year had most kids recoiling in trepidation, but Ludwig just looked like an excited puppy; if the boy had a tail it would definitely be wagging unstoppably.

"Dude!" Ludwig shouted.

Wolfgang just stared in his direction in utter silence. Arnold expected to hear the haunting sound of his cruel laughter any second, and yet as Wolfgang scanned the crowd of kids he said nothing. For most kids present, any past instance of meeting Wolfgang's gaze had been comparable to a mouse looking into the eyes of a hawk, and now he just stared in silence, studying them all in turn. Arnold had to put himself in Wolfgang's position; he must have been confounded by the sight of them in their weird costumes. After long moments of quiet, Wolfgang turned his attention back to Ludwig.

"Dude?" Wolfgang finally asked Ludwig in return, his voice much deeper than anyone remembered, "Is that you? What are you… why are you in that dumpster? And…" He surveyed the field, taking in the sight of the once pristine vacant lot he used to play football on, now completely covered in rotting garbage and junk. Not to mention the field now hosted more kids than he'd ever seen gathered in this place at once. "What the heck did you kids do to the field?" he shouted, not sounding angry so much as shocked and appalled by the state of the lot.

The kids all just stared back at Wolfgang in bewilderment, and then abruptly they all simultaneously pointed at Ludwig. Wolfgang looked back at Ludwig who still looked determined as ever.

"What're you doing here, mullet boy?" Helga boldly asked him.

Wolfgang looked at her curiously, but just sort of shrugged, "Just passing by and heard all the noise. And then I saw all this… stuff." He looked Helga over, then Gerald, Phoebe and all the other sixth graders in their costumes. "What the heck are you all wearing? Is this some kinda sport the kids are into these days? Am I _that_ old now?"

"Dude bro," Ludwig said keenly, "I did it. They skipped it last year, but I did it. I brought it back!"

Wolfgang looked at him and smirked.

"Brought what back? The monobrow?" he snickered, "Don't think that ever left around here."

"No!" Ludwig shouted, "The first Monday of June… the longest Monday of the year… Trash Can Day!"

Wolfgang blinked as he stroked the hairs poking out of his face, caught in thought for a moment.

"Trash Can Day?" he chuckled, "Man, that was kind of a long time ago… guess that explains the mess around here."

He laughed and then stepped over to the dumpster to offer Ludwig a helping hand. When he pulled Ludwig out of the dumpster the two boys nearly hugged, but Wolfgang stopped as the smell put him off. Now everyone felt dyspeptic as memories of Wolfgang and Ludwig teaming up to abuse them all flooded back to them.

"Now…" Ludwig grinned savagely, "With your help I can finish what I started: finishing what you started!"

"Huh?" Wolfgang asked in confusion, "You mean… I didn't start Trash Can Day. It was just a thing that happened to us in fourth grade… and then when we got to the fifth grade we- Hey! Wait a minute… you're in sixth grade now, right?"

"Yeah… still." Ludwig affirmed bitterly.

"Then what're you doing? Trash Can Day's a fifth grade ritual." Wolfgang said.

"Yeah, but if you remember these little wusses never did it last year!" Ludwig pointed at Arnold's team, "Because football face here made them all into a bunch of oversensitive little sissies. Now come on, you and me… we'll can 'em all! You and me against all of them! Just like old times! They can't stop us both!"

At Ludwig's goading, Wolfgang's entire body language read as somewhat awkward and tentative; he looked almost taken aback at the suggestion.

"Uh, Dude? I'm going into eighth grade?" he said, clearly insinuating something about what being an eighth grader meant, but no one understood what. Wolfgang now just fixed Ludwig with an almost pitying look, before he finally looked straight at Arnold. Wolfgang stood tall amongst his fellow classmates as a monumentally imposing skyscraper of a kid, possibly the only kid who could stop traffic just by stepping into it, and yet something about the look in his eyes had always been his most intimidating feature; a glare of pure malice and invulnerability that wordlessly communicated his total lack of empathy with the kids that he cheerfully abused. He didn't even share the same sort of thick eyebrows that heightened Ludwig's similarly mean look, for Wolfgang the eyes alone sent kids running for the hills. Yet as Arnold studied him now, he didn't see any of that predatory ferocity in Wolfgang's eye. Instead Wolfgang just looked to be simultaneously bemused and curious.

"Hey, football face?" Wolfgang asked, "I mean, uh… Arnold? Been a while, huh?"

"Yeah, we've really missed having you around- wait… did you just call me Arnold?" Arnold asked in slight amazement, now completely blindsided by Wolfgang's unusually non-threatening demeanor.

"That's your name, isn't it?" Wolfgang asked, in a somewhat mocking but not totally unkind way, "Arnold. Everyone's hero?"

"Huh?" Arnold asked, now completely dumbstruck. "Well not yours… I just assumed from all the beatings back in the day…"

Wolfgang laughed momentarily but then he shook his head and smiled.

"Ah man, yeah I guess so." he said, then to everyone's amazement he said genuinely, "Sorry about that."

Had everyone present been standing in a room the air would have been abruptly sucked out of it. Helga pinched herself to make sure she wasn't dreaming. Here they all stood having just fought in a huge battle royale, many of them in quirky or just flat-out silly costumes, and yet Wolfgang uttering the word 'sorry' in a non-ironic fashion just didn't gel with the reality they all lived in.

"What did you say?" both Arnold and Ludwig asked in surprise.

Wolfgang looked around at all the wide eyes of shock staring up at him. For a moment his more malicious aura flashed across his face, as if smugly amused by the confusion he caused. On this first Monday of June, the students of PS118 had witnessed the rise of a school dictator most of them didn't even realize attended their school, which generated the response of a kid superhero team as most of the sixth grade cut class all afternoon, all culminating in a giant dance battle at Gerald Field; everything up until this very second now seemed so commonplace compared to Wolfgang, unprompted and unbelievably apologizing for his past behavior. Curly abruptly fell forward, landing on the ground, and then began scratching his head in puzzlement as he lay on the grass.

"No one else felt the world stop turning, just now?" he asked.

"I didn't think it was physically possible, but I agree with Curly." Gerald said, "What're you up to here, Wolfgang?"

Wolfgang shot Gerald a smirk and then just laughed, "What?"

"What are you up to?" Gerald repeated, "What's with this almost nice act? What are you trying to pull? There's a whole smorgasbord of us and you don't… wanna… I dunno, kick our butts or something?" Gerald paused as he realized he was literally asking Wolfgang to beat them up. That was just how weird this situation had become.

"Yeah?" Wolfgang huffed, "Well I've got better things to do with my time nowadays."

This claim by Wolfgang resulted in choruses of murmurs form the crowd of kids. No one particularly believed what they were hearing, and yet they all wanted to.

"So now that he's gone off to junior high he's just over us." Stinky remarked, "That's kinda sad somehow."

"Oh… no it's not…" Lila elbowed him.

"Hey, people can change. I mean… look at all of you. You're all getting so tall… you might pass me before long."

Not buying Wolfgang's affable temperament in the slightest, Helga pushed her way forward and stood between Arnold and their former bully.

"Guys, stay back!" she warned, "This is a trick… has to be. Jerks like this don't turn over a new leaf just like that… he's just a wolf in sheep's clothes…"

"Or a wolf gang in sheep gang's clothes." Sid added.

"Or one of the_ lizard people_!" Curly shouted as he pointed an accusing finger, which only earned him a frightening scowl from Bessie that rivaled her owner. "No offense." Curly said to the hissing monitor lizard.

"It wasn't 'just like that,' it's been a year," Wolfgang said nonchalantly, "But I get it, I get it. Arnold?"

Wolfgang looked at Arnold again, this time with some shadow of regret on his typically smug face.

"This uh, Trash Can Day thing… well it reminds me, you gave me the chance to create a legacy for myself around here as some kinda visionary who ended Trash Can Day… and now that I've had two years to think about that, well…"

Arnold just blinked in surprise, as Helga just placed her hands on her hips and fixed Wolfgang with a skeptical glare. Not finishing his sentence, Wolfgang apparently couldn't quite bring himself to say Arnold had been right two years ago, but the implication was there.

"Who… are you?" Arnold asked at last.

Wolfgang laughed again and gave Arnold a hearty slap on the shoulder, which caused him to fall forward slightly but didn't hurt him.

"Hey little guy, a year changes a lot." Wolfgang said, "I don't expect you to forgive me or anything, but we're all at a formative age when we're all just starting to find ourselves, and figure out what kind of people we want to be." Wolfgang paused as everyone looked at him strangely, "Or I dunno, that's what that school shrink told me last year…"

"_You_ went to therapy?" Helga all but laughed, which got a few titters out of the other nearby kids.

"Yeah." Wolfgang nodded, surprisingly not provoked by her mockery. In fact he sounded dreamily content in a way none of them had ever heard, "Therapy's great. I got therapy. You should get therapy. Everyone should get therapy. It's so uh… therapeutic?"

Helga cocked an eyebrow at that notion, but to her own surprise she actually smiled back at Wolfgang. Gerald and Phoebe just looked at one another in slight bewilderment, and even Curly looked thoughtful in response. Rhonda too found herself deep in thought; she had earlier lectured Arnold on the reality that everyone had the potential for good or bad within themselves, and even though Wolfgang had been among the last people she or anyone else would have expected to turn over a new leaf here before her eyes stood evidence to the contrary. Arnold himself just stood there puzzling out the impossibility standing before him; this Wolfgang was not the same kid he remembered, but then as he thought back over his fifth grade year, he couldn't remember seeing Wolfgang more than a handful of times, and while those encounters hadn't exactly been anything he would describe as friendly, in hindsight he couldn't recall a single beating during his fifth grade year. He had been fanatically preoccupied with his father's journal throughout his fifth grade year of course, and it now occurred to him how much outside of his obsession with finding his parents he failed to notice. The change in Wolfgang was now impossible not to notice however, for all the kids present he had once subjugated with an iron fist and for one who had grown to idolize him. That one in particular had just been looking on in stunned silence at the now apparently pacified Wolfgang, and finally the rage boiling in him exploded.

"Are you kidding me!?" Ludwig shouted, sounding betrayed. "Now you've gone soft too!? Dude!"

Wolfgang frowned and crossed his arms, shouting, "No! I just… uh, I don't have time for kid stuff like beating on the little dweebs anymore." He looked somewhat prideful now, "I'm above all that. Besides, I've got other outlets. You know, football, yoga, oboe…"

Ludwig clenched his fists up and scowled, looking about ready to start throwing punches at his one time friend.

"But… I did this to put the lower grades back in their place like you always did! I did this to bring back your vision of what PS118 should be!" Ludwig bellowed.

As Ludwig sounded increasingly unhinged, Wolfgang in response just looked at him half pityingly and half unnerved by his fanatical devotion to petty schoolyard bullying.

"My… vision?" Wolfgang asked in bewilderment, "Sounds kinda… pretentious. Dude, you're taking this whole thing a little more serious than I ever did."

Ludwig's face sank, and everyone else found themselves at a loss for words. If Wolfgang had taken anything seriously in his time at PS118 it was enforcing the status quo hierarchy that the older kids enjoyed over the lower grades, and yet now that he had moved on from grade school here he stood casually dismissing it, as if it were mere child's play beneath him. As Wolfgang saw the apparent disheartened look on Ludwig's face however, some small amount of mischief returned to his face.

"Hey, if I'm too cool to bother with these geeks, then you are too." Wolfgang insisted, "Dude, forget about Trash Can Day. You're stuck in the past, man."

Ludwig grimaced in response, and bellowed, "I got held back and had to spend another year with all these little freaks, so you're FREAKING RIGHT I'M STUCK IN THE PAST!"

Wolfgang smiled shockingly warmly at his one time friend encouragingly, "Yeah. That bites, man." he said, "But hey dude, for what it's worth I've uh… missed you bro."

Ludwig felt a twinge of vulnerability suddenly stinging him, and everyone could see it. He looked at the crowds of kids looking on and then back at Wolfgang, a guy he had initially hated and seen as a rival, but quickly befriended and came to idolize. Now this paragon of virility and strength he had once praised had just up and moved on from his old ways, leaving Ludwig in the dust.

"C'mon, forget about these geeks. Lemme tell you, beating up on little losers like these does nothing to impress the ladies, "Wolfgang grinned, "You gotta go after someone your own size to impress chicks in Junior High."

Wolfgang again punched Ludwig's shoulder, only this time a bit more forcefully, to which Ludwig responded by punching him back, as he started to laugh reluctantly.

"Hey, me and the guys were gonna hang out tonight," Wolfgang invited, "C'mon. Why don't you come with us?"

Ludwig's eyes darted back and forth awkwardly, then he asked, "You and your seventh grade crew would really hang out with a… sixth grader?"

"Well duh, you're with me, I'm cool enough for both of us. But… dude?" Wolfgang said, "Go get yourself a shower first."

Ludwig nodded. And then after a heavy sigh, without another word Ludwig turned his back on Gerald Field and just walked off. No one had expected an apology or even some small show of remorse for his actions from him, but the important thing was that he had given up and no longer posed a threat; the legend of Ludwig had fizzled out and died. When Ludwig had disappeared from sight, Wolfgang shot Arnold a look and smirked at him. Neither of them said a word, but Wolfgang gave him a small nod of his head, and then headed off after Ludwig. All the sixth, fifth and fourth graders now just stood on the field in a silent daze, and as they all exchanged glances in their confusion.

"Well." Helga finally said flatly, "That was… anticlimactic. I thought there was gonna be a rumble…"

Curly nodded and said with an impish smile, "Just like in the opening theme sequence… still, what a twist."

The kids on the field were soon joined by Eugene, Sheena and the others who had been up on the roof all the while. Park and Peapod just stood by in silent satisfaction for the surprise success of their movement, while Eugene looked as though he could barely contain his joy and pride with everything they had done today. The small blond fifth grade boy who idolized Eugene walked up to him and smiled.

"I always thought you were a hero." the kid said to him.

Eugene smiled back at him and said, "You and your classmates are the real heroes, now. It was all of you who saved the day together… um…" Eugene stumbled, wanting to address this kid by name but not knowing it.

"Jeramy." the kid said, sensing this, "But it was you and your friends who gave us the courage to stand up."

"You all exceeded my wildest expectations…" Eugene said as his eyes watered, "I just… I…"

As tears of joy burst forth from Eugene's eyes, he wrapped his arms around the trunk of Sheena's tree costume. Helga looked Sheena over and snickered.

"Tree hugger…." Helga snickered, then she looked at Sheena and asked, "What the heck are you supposed to be anyway?"

"I'm a tree." Sheena said plainly with a slightly possessed look in her eyes.

"Uh huh… well now I just feel silly for asking." Helga responded, "Are you a… heroic tree?"

Sheena glared at Helga and shouted, "Trees do more for this planet than most humans ever do in their entire lives! I can't think of anything more heroic than converting co2 into breathable oxygen!" Her momentary fit of temper subsided instantly and she grinned like a thing possessed. She restated, "I'm a tree!"

"Well, whatever floats your boat," Helga sighed, "I mean, not saying I'd chop you down to build a boat or anything… or maybe I would… ah never mind. Hey, Arnold?"

Arnold said nothing but just walked up to Helga and wrapped her in a hug; and she, often reluctant to display open affection for him in public returned his hug with a big wet kiss on his lips. Gerald smiled and rolled his eyes at them, but then as he looked across the field, now coated in nearly as much junk and trash as when they first discovered this empty lot back in the fourth grade, he sighed ruefully as the day's tolls started weighing on him.

"We won…" he sighed, "But at what cost? Our field… Gerald Field… it's just the way it was when we found it… a dump."

Arnold placed a hand on his friend's shoulder and offered him a reassuring smile.

"We fixed it up once." he said, "We can do it again…" but as he spoke suddenly his eyes widened in surprise when he looked around and saw what was now unfolding on the field. All around them, kids of the fifth and fourth grade were gathering and hauling trash back into the cans and moving the cans back onto the sidewalk. Arnold and Gerald stared in amazement, extremely reminded of themselves at a younger age. Every fourth and fifth grader present put their heart into renewing the field, cleansing it of any memory of what Ludwig hoped to accomplish, and not a single one of them wore a begrudging expression as they worked. Gerald and Arnold could do little more than smile at this sight, which felt as if it encapsulated their very childhoods.

"Come on." Arnold said, "Let's give them a hand."

"You guys have done enough." Jeramy said from nearby, "You've so much for all of us. Now it's our turn."

Gerald looked at him and smiled, then a strange feeling welled up inside of him. He looked across the field and felt overcome with emotion; in some ways this field was his baby, and one he felt just a little possessive over since he was nine. As he looked at the new generation of kids following in his and Arnold's footsteps, he realized in this moment that with his grade school days finally ending the time had come to let go and pass the torch.

"When we found this place it was just a vacant lot." Gerald said, "After we cleaned it out we christened it 'Gerald Field.' After today, maybe… maybe it's time for a rechristening, with a new name for a new class of-"

"No." Jeramy interrupted him, "This will always be Gerald Field. We'll all keep calling it that when you guys are gone, and we'll keep passing it down; the legend of Gerald Field... and how a group of heroic kids called 'The Mitigators' saved us all, and helped us discover the strength within ourselves to do the impossible."

Siobhan, the Campfire Lass, Chocolate Boy, and several other fifth graders nodded in agreement. Gerald could feel his eyes watering in response, but suddenly a loud shriek snapped him out of his little moment.

"Oh no! This is terrible!" Rhonda cried out in distress, "This is the worst thing ever!"

All eyes on the field shot over towards Rhonda who was on her knees, while clutching her phone and starting at it in shock and disbelief.

"What is it, Rhonda?" Nadine asked in concern.

"I posted about what we did and… and… not so much as a single like yet!" she wailed, "And it's been no less than five whole minutes! NO LESS THAN! I had photos and video and just… nothing… as if this was all for…"

Everyone just looked at her in silence, unsure of what to say. Rhonda looked up at them and to her credit quickly realized just how pathetic she must have looked.

"Oh well." Rhonda dropped her hysterics and smiled, "The important thing is we stopped Trash Can Day. Party at my place! Everyone's invited!"

Excitement broke out among the crowds of kids at the notion of a spur of the minute Rhonda Wellington-Lloyd party; she was known to throw the best parties of any kid in school and pretty much everyone present was game. All except for one, who reacted skeptically.

"Are you sure, Rhonda?" Arnold asked, "There's an awful lot of us…"

"You're right…" Rhonda said, "Oh Arnold, how sweet of you to volunteer."

"Wait, I didn't-"

"Party on Arnold's rooftop! Six O'clock!" Rhonda announced, "It really is a much more appropriate venue."

"Rhonda, wait. I-"

Arnold feebly tried to protest, but before he could say another word a chorus of 'Party! Party!' broke out among the crowd. Even Gino, as he observed the masses of kids coming together in a harmonious union, appeared to get swept up in the moment.

"Arnold, Arnold, you've moved me with all your fancy words and fancy dress shenanigans." Gino said to him, "As a uh, peace offering and a token of our goodwill, my people will provide the catering for this little soiree. Just to show there's no hard feelings, no bad blood."

"That's… real nice, Gino, but…" Arnold tried to say.

"Boys!" Gino snapped his fingers, "Go grab us twenty pizzas and deliver 'em to the Sunset Arms."

Gino's loyal gang members nodded and ran off. Arnold may have helped lead the effort to stop Trash Can Day, but felt he had no chance of stopping this oncoming party.

"Yeah…" Arnold sighed, "Yeah, you're all invited…."

Arnold paused as he noticed Curly, standing outcast amongst his fellow sixth graders, as one might expect after the day's events.

"You too, Curly." Arnold said.

"Thanks but… no thanks." Curly said.

Arnold was distinctly taken aback by Curly's rejection. The others all looked at one another in confusion and then back to Curly.

"Curly?" Arnold asked in concern.

"I did my part I guess, but I still ain't like you guys, see?" he said as he turned away and placed his hands in his pockets.

"Curly?" the uncharacteristically soft voice of Rhonda caused Curly to jolt suddenly.

Curly turned to look at Rhonda; the very girl of his wildest and most deeply disturbing dreams.

"You… you did the right thing in the end." Rhonda said, "Come on. Why don't you come with us?"

Curly looked tempted for a moment, but then he just gritted his teeth and shook his head.

"Nope." he said, "Sorry."

"Aw, c'mon Curly." Eugene insisted, "Arnold was right when he said you're one of us."

"No, no, it's not like that." Curly said as a strange look came over him, "You see… I have to go back to my planet now. They need me."

Everyone watched as Curly raised his arms above his head as if about to take flight. He then ran off while making swishing noises from his mouth to simulate the sound of flying through the air. Everyone watched as Curly ran out of the field and down the street until at last he disappeared from sight. Helga just shook her head and sighed.

"Poor twisted little freakazoid…" she muttered.

"He wasn't the hero we deserved." Phoebe said in dismay, "And certainly not the one we needed either."

The costumed kids known to all now as the Mitigators stood in a small circle together. Looking one another over, they all began to laugh warmly, and as they looked at one another they felt an entire chapter of their childhoods coming to a close, and as they nodded at one another they felt overcome with memories of their entire school journey that had brought them to this point. Before any of them could dwell on those memories or reminisce together, Helga broke the silence.

"Come on." she said, "Let's go get out of these costumes before today gets any weirder. Hey, fourth and fifthies? I feel we should leave you all with some deep words of wisdom that encapsulates this entire ordeal…"

All the kids looked at Helga, who despite her intentions apparently didn't have any such words to offer them. Her eyes darted back and forth, and she turned to Arnold.

"Got anything?" she asked.

"Not really." Arnold shrugged.

"Gerald?" Helga turned to said boy.

"Hey, it was your idea," he said, "I got nothing at the moment..."

Helga sighed, "Fine. Kids? Um, don't ever… fry bacon in the nude, I guess. See you all in the funny papers."

And with that sound piece of advice, Helga stomped off with Phoebe following behind her. Arnold and Gerald smiled and waved at the fourth and fifth graders and they too departed. Then gradually all the sixth graders wandered off, leaving the fifth and fourth graders on the field they had now inherited from the graduating class of PS118. With their combined efforts, they already had the field looking pristine again. Still watching in the direction their sixth grade heroes had departed, a few of them spoke amongst themselves.

"They're true heroes," Jeramy said, "Really, really weird… but heroes."

"So… what do we do now?" Chocolate Boy asked, "Soon they'll all be gone…"

"Aye," Campfire Lass said, "Do you suppose they'll be back to help us again?"

"No" Siobhan said, "Because thanks to them, we won't need them to."

THE END

* * *

_**Okay, roll credits. **_

_**I apologize for how long this took me to get out… I just left everyone hanging at Wolfgang's arrival so I hope this wasn't too anticlimactic… the big fight against Ludwig was the climax, this was just a resolution.**_

_**So on that note, Wolfgang turned into an okay guy? I thought he was gonna be the Thanos of this story! I demand a refund! Well, it may seem a little out of left field, but then that's kind of the point. As a teenager I remember running into people who used to pick on me when I was younger, and having them just suddenly talk to me like we were old friends… some even apologized for being mean without any prompting from me… some people do grow up eventually. I went that route with Wolfgang for three reasons… firstly, he's seen in the crowd cheering for Arnold in TJM, so one must assume either Arnold was just popular at the moment and Wolfgang was just going with the crowd (or more likely it was just an obligatory cameo), but I've also read two very compelling fanfics that I wholeheartedly recommend that develop his character in very believable human ways. One is in 'Pataki Family Christmas Carol' by Ajay435, which depicts him having become a nurse and his caring for his little sister, which factors into the story as a means of challenging Helga's cynical worldview and proving that people can change for the better. The other story is 'The Bug Girl & the Bully' by starwater09, which depicts Wolfgang and Nadine developing feelings for one another. That one gives us a very in depth look at why Wolfgang is the way he is and really has you rooting for him to get over his bullying nature… which is basically what made Helga so compelling on the show. I think most of my audience has probably read those fics already, but check em out if you haven't.**_

_**It took me a while to decide how to portray Wolfgang. I knew I wanted him to have turned over a new leaf but I briefly considered portraying him as newly out of the closet… and having that be the explanation for all his bullying behavior as a cover before. Curly did hint earlier that Ludwig sounded almost smitten when talking about Wolfgang so… but nah, that would've just had to have been an entire story unto itself I think. Not here, but who knows what the future holds for those two…**_

_**There was going to be a whole thing with Wolfgang having matured because of his new girlfriend… which was gonna be Ruth but I decided that was one step too far… actually this whole story is a step too far but that would have been too too far.**_

_**I put Sheena in the tree costume just thinking, she's not a fighter so what's the most passive thing in nature she could be… she's tall, and 'The Tree Hugger' was suggested to me so I decided… why don't I just make her a tree… and I did that without even thinking of the 'I am Groot!' references I could have done… oh well.**_

_**Helga's parting words of wisdom were given to my voice studio class back in the day (I studied opera once upon a time). The graduating seniors had to all share some parting words of wisdom with us, and after a series of girls giving very heartfelt and teary eyed speeches about their love for music and voice, the only guy in the group at the end just said, "Shit... I don't know... don't ever fry bacon in the nude, I guess?" He's an opera singer at the Met now... no joke.**_

_**I realize this entire fic is jumping the shark, but it took all my restraint from including a scene where Helga orders Brainy to 'use tackle' on Ludwig, and then he'd bounce off him and Phoebe would note 'It's not very effective…' Yeah, I've referenced everything from Marvel to Star Wars to Shakespeare to DC, but apparently Pokemon is where I draw the line.**_


	21. Post Credits Scene

_**Wait… what's this? A post credits scene? Duh.**_

* * *

_Like I said to those 'mitigator' characters, I returned to my home planet… or what I guess some people might refer to as a so-called 'building.' It'd been one heck of a day for this villain turned… I won't say hero, because what's a hero? Boring as tar, that's what. Let's say anti-hero. Dunno if I'm at the level of hero yet, but who wants any of that malarkey. Whatever I was now, I knew I was mentally and physically drained from the longest Monday of my life. I hadn't even gotten around to washing the smell of week old chunky meat sauce and used diapers off of me. When I made it home I pushed my bedroom door open and lurched inside the darkened room, and in the blink of an eye the hairs on the back of my neck stood up as an icy chill sent shivers down my spine. A sixty degree breeze will hit you like an arctic blast in June, but cold aside I tensed up knowing that I wasn't alone in this room of mine. Some pigeon had apparently blown through the window and was waiting for me, see?_

_"Come on out, turkey." I says. _

_"'We're all cartoons'." a pitchy nasally voice broke the silence, quoting what I said to Gerald hours earlier. "You think you're the only one who can break through the fourth wall?"_

_I looked over towards the window where I saw a shadowy figure's silhouette. He was short of stature, and by his voice he sounded like a real square. And the weirdest part was he had a bizarre almost inhumanly square proportions to match that square personality._

_"Who the heck are you?" I asked him._

_"Just a humble fry cook." the voice said, then let out a long trilling laugh, roughly akin to the sound of a dolphin. "In my world anyway."_

_The man stepped out of the shadows to reveal himself as not a man, but some kinda humanoid block of Swiss cheese or something, with big beautiful blue eyes framed by long ladylike lashes; a character with pants as square as his square body. _

_"Mr. Gammelthorpe, you've just become part of a bigger universe. You're not just a cartoon. You're a Nicktoon. I'm here to tell you about the Nicktoon Movie…"_

_This hideous little messenger from beyond wasn't alone either. I found myself face to face with some bald kid with glowing blue tattoos stepping out of the shadows, joined by a premature greying teenager with glowing green eyes, two floating little sparkly pixy things, a kangaroo or something with a shirt and no pants, a poorly drawn chihuahua, some horrifying mutant half canine half feline creature, a quartet of reptilian ninjas, and a bunch of dumb babies._

"Cut. Fade to black! Having set the stage for the next chapter in the larger epic saga that will be the Nicktoon Cinematic Universe, I have at last cemented myself as the real hero of this story!" Curly proudly declared as he stood up on top of the purple chaise lounge. The violet attired woman sitting across the room in a large chair had ceased scribbling notes on her pad and just looked at him wide-eyed. She just blinked in response to having heard his entire retelling of the events that had resulted in him being sent to her office.

"Well, Thaddeus…" Dr. Bliss said somewhat cautiously, "You have a pretty vivid imagination. I think we have a lot to work with here. Tell me more..."

* * *

_**The End. Again.**_

_**I'd like to thank everyone who's followed me through this entire strange journey. I think I much prefer writing short form slice of life Hey Arnold! stories, but I'm mostly pleased with how this all turned out and I hope you all did too. **_

_**Reviews and commentary are always appreciated, and thanks again!**_


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